Medical update, possible bad news

Where do I start? I have been spreading my eggs in so many baskets these days that I am forgetting things I need to take care of for myself.

I showed up to my doctor's appointment today in Tel Aviv with MRA in hand.
He asked for the other x-rays, and my face must have flushed; I actually had forgotten to take care of the other x-rays he ordered. I couldn't believe it, I have never forgotten to carry through with tests. It just completely slipped my mind. I know you are saying "no biggie, happens to all of us". While that is true, the difference here is that I traveled to Tel Aviv for this appointment (arranged kids to get rides to activities, go home with friends, etc), and I am paying out-of-pocket for this doctor. My insurance should reimburse most of it, though.

So, without those particular x-rays, he cannot decide whether or not he can fix my hip. He looked long and hard at the MRA, and told me what that bit was which I read on the evaluation that I didn't understand. Apparently the hip has more problems than "just" a tear in the labrum and impingement. Apparently there is a lack of cartilage, and that cannot be fixed. Cartilage does not grow back, and cannot be repaired. He called it "early onset arthritis". So, when he gets the x-rays he can decide if it is worthwhile for me to undergo surgery or not. They gave me an appointment on Thursday evening, if I can get the x-rays done tomorrow or Thursday morning. I have to trudge back to Tel Aviv.
The fact that the hip is in worse condition than it was a year ago when I was going to do the surgery is depressing. The fact that it may be inoperable is depressing. The only solution, in that case, would be total hip replacement, and he advised against that because I am too young. Honestly, though, I'd rather be young and out of pain than living with this pain for more years, biding my time waiting for a hip replacement to being me better quality of life.

Oh, and the tingling I have in my right foot frequently? He says it's not from the impingement, but rather, indicative of a possible disk problem, or lower back issue. He wants that investigated, too. To be honest, I don't want that investigated. I am aware of too many issues, and I can't deal with another.

He also addressed the issues that I have about my general health. I had thought that, aside from skeletal and nerve pain issues, that I was a pretty healthy person. That I have been through a lot, but am pretty strong on the other side. I told him that I didn't think I was in any higher risk category than the next guy. That what happened to me was a one-in-a-million lottery toss, but I am pretty healthy since then. He disagreed. He pointed out all my allergies to antibiotics (including one of the best- Vancomycin- which is not good to be allergic to. It is the antibiotic of choice for nasty hospital bugs). Hospitalizations, cellulitis multiple times... lymph edema and pressure garments... yeah, that's me, too. But since I went off the pain meds I have been feeling much stronger. Although, of course, in more pain. I told him that honestly I don't know if I can stay off pain meds if this problem is un-fixable.

So, he's waiting to see the x-rays. I hope I can get them done tomorrow or Thursday morning. Then it's back to Tel Aviv, tiring myself out just before a big Shabbat and holiday to prepare for.

Even though the answer is not [yet] "no", I feel really down about this. I feel like damaged goods, and I feel up against a brick wall. That there is no way to help me to have a pain-less life. I have been *counting* on this surgery as one of the reasons I went through the whole withdrawal from the Fentanyl. It was a solution to a problem. If I was to be off pain meds, than I can fix the source of the problem. But early onset arthritis was not part of the plan.

I may have to go for the Cannabis after all. I don't want it. I don't want any drug controlling my body.

On top of this, there are serious issues I have to take care of with my children. I have been spending so much time in the hospital, or doing things for my friend, that I haven't been on top of taking care of my own kids. And today is Azriel's 10th birthday. I missed it. We will celebrate, don't worry.
Ya'akov also needs a lot of things worked out for him, and I have to be on top of that, and I haven't been. I know this means I have to pull back from being with my friend in the hospital so much, but that is going to be hard on her. She is alone. She said today was extremely depressing because nobody came until 9PM. Nobody came or called (except a few messages from me throughout the day). Today was only the second full day that I didn't go in to see her in over a month. I can't keep doing it this way, but I don't want to leave her alone in that place. I'll work out boundaries. Just writing about what my recent stressors are.

So, let's hope I can get these x-rays done very soon, and that whatever decision the doctor makes based on what he sees will be a decision I can cope with. It's all from Gd, I know that, and you know that, but sometimes it's so hard when we have a plan. You'd think I'd have learned that by now.

How long can I remain off pain meds with this pain, if it is unfixable?

I don't know. 

Only time will tell.

I think I'm allergic to surgery.

The scene:
Me, on the operating table, getting prepped, oxygen mask over my nose & mouth delivering oxygen (soon to switch to gas), surgical light fixtures overhead. Me, silently saying my prayers, shivering in that freezing room. The anesthesiologist gives me the warm air blower to put under my blankets to warm me up. (That was so nice!)

I start to feel a strange sensation in my scalp and ears. It feels like little creatures running all over my scalp. Then it starts to burn. I tell the anesthesiologist, and he says "not yet, I haven't given you the medicine yet.". Ummm, huh? Yes, I do feel something strange, and it isn't OK. They (many men in the room... only one female because I requested that there be a female in the room) start paying attention to what I am saying, and ask me questions about it. The feeling of burning gets stronger and stronger, and I feel that the warm air blower under my blanket must be burning me. I take it out. My body is burning up.

The female nurse norices that my neck is quickly turning red, as are my ears, and the reddness is traveling down my chest. Shoulders, everything is turning red, and I feel like I am on *fire*.

STOP the IV which is delivering antibiotics. Stop everything. Turn machines off. "Call Udi [my surgeon] and let him know we have a situation" says one of the male nurses.

Minutes pass, I am still on fire, and in walks my surgeon. He has been briefed on what is happening.

He tells me that under these circumstances. he isn't comfortable continuing to do the surgery. They can't guess about which antibiotic they can use. He wants to know exactly what I am and am not allergic to before he does the surgery.

1. go see an allergist
2. go to an ID doctor (infectious diesease)
3. come back and we'll proceed from there.

More minutes pass. I don't really hear what my surgeon is saying to me. I am in a sort of shock.

The anesthesiologist tells me to put another antibiotic on my allergy list: Vancomycin. I have had it many times before. This time my body fought it.

Unhooked from the IV, surgical lights turned off, I am being wheeled out of the O.R. They rolled my bed to halfway through the threshhold of the door, and there I sat waiting for an orderly to continue to take me out of the surgery room. I am lying there in my bed, halfway over the threshhold, minutes pass, my body is still hot, but not burning. I am not out of the room, and not in. There is talking in the surgery room- about me, talking in the hallway. I hear it all, and don't hear anything.

Three hours later, allergic reaction passed, and I am on my way home, using the round-trip ticket that I bought while going to the hospital the day before. I thought I made a mistake in buying two round-trips... I only needed a one-way, Robert was going to take me home by car after the surgery.

Good thing I had that round-trip.

Since then, I have been in bed, exhausted in every way possible.

I am supposed to go to Tel Aviv tomorrow, to Ichilov, for something completely different. I made the appointment for tomorrow, meaning to cancel it because of the surgery, but I didn't get around to canceling it. Will I get there tomorrow is another question. It is a whole other story which I haven't written about, and won't now. If I get there tomorrow, I'll write about it. If not, I gave up.