(Tikun is a sort of healing the world, making something better than it was before you came into the world. It is an integral part of Jewish life, and I might even say every one's life.)
Which tikun am I referring to? Well, I wanted to practice horn again today. I took it out, and realized there was nowhere suitable to sit. I used to do most of my practicing in our bomb shelter room- I had carpets up on the walls and such. Then I converted the shelter into my "doula room", where I taught birth preparation classes to couples. For now, I am playing up in my bedroom. But, I couldn't find an appropriate chair to sit in! Which one turns out to be perfect? The plastic folding chair which I use to sit on when I shower. Since I got NF, I am not so steady on my feet in the shower, a combination of the hot water making me a bit light-headed, and having pain, makes me very nervous in the shower. I have used a plastic chair ever since. That same chair is exactly the right size and is comfortable for practicing horn! Interesting... it's a "half" tikun because I do still use it in the shower, but there is a "healthier" use for it now, too! If it's dry, that is....
I am playing long, steady pitches. Lots of them, with my tuning machine so I can retrain accurately. I realized today while playing that this is a real opportunity for me to fix some of the consistent errors I had in my playing before. I never really had the time to sit and practice long tones. Not since college. Now I can do it, and hopefully gain precision in the area I was weak before. It's a way to build up the muscles again, and gain accuracy. It feels great to be with my horn again. When I play, it feels like a long-lost appendage returned to my body.
Gapey is beginning to hurt a bit, though. I now remember from when I played the times I did after NF that it put a lot of pressure on Gapey. When you play a wind instrument, the pressure to push out the air comes from the diaphragm, and pushes against stomach wall muscle. Gapey covers a large amount of the stomach wall, and the muscle was damaged with the NF. I had forgotten that it hurt when I played. Hmmmmmm.... don't know if anything can be done about that.
I did get to see Azriel's class play on Friday. It was so nice! He had lines in the play iteself (about reuniting Jerusalem from Jordan during the six-day war), then after the play they made a special announcement that he would play guitar. He played in front of the whole elementary school "Jerusalem of Gold" on his guitar. He was cool as a cucumber. I was so proud of him! I didn't play solo in front of anyone until I was in 6th grade. He's in 3rd, and has only been playing guitar for 4 months! Next time I have to teach him to take a bow. :)
|Azriel in the middle, his principal on the right, his teacher standing|
in the middle (behind him), and the music teacher on the left.
|Him playing... a friend holding the microphone|
by the strings, and his teacher holding his music.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Last night I started the weaning process again. I have two doses to go until I am off the Fentanyl. It could be more than two doses, I'll have to see how this goes. I cut out half last night. I have a patch of 12, and I cut it in half. It is a big drop (50%), so I'm going to have to see how it goes. If it is really hard, I'll make the next six go slower.
I have to schedule my MRI for next month. After that, we will know if there is PVNS in that hip or not, and then I can make a proper decision about how to proceed. Did I tell you that the results of the CT were fine? It's good, of course- it rules out (in most probability) hernia, and/or cancer. It doesn't rule out PVNS, however. That can only be seen with an MRI. So after my next MRI I'll know what I need. I gotta schedule that....
I am doing a sleep clinic at the end of this week. My GP ordered it long ago, when the restless leg syndrome started, because I couldn't sleep. That was all together with the weaning, too, so that was also giving me insomnia. Now I am weaning again, and very well may have a hard sleeping week. I talked with the lady at the clinic about that, and she said that they can analyze my sleep as long as I have about three hours deep sleep there. She said the medicines I take have no effect on the clinic evaluation. How I sleep is how I sleep. The question is, I pretty much know that nothing can be done for RLS, so how would an evaluation help? Well, what I do know is that the cannabis drops can help, but I wake up with a headache when I take them, so that isn't an option. I did get in touch with a person today who specializes in medicinal marijuana (thnx Jane), so I hope that through him I'll get a direction to figure out which one is good for me.
Three steps forward, two steps back.
Last week's steps forward were great, though! I still have that one step footage... it's not lost, and never will be. We'll rebuild, one step at a time.
(PS- today, Jerusalem day, in 2007, is when I had my skin graft surgery, two weeks after I had the NF. The description of that morning is here. What happened two days after the skin graft surgery left one of the deepest traumas in me from that time period to date. Here is a very brief descripion that Robert wrote at the time. If I had written it, it'd be much more traumatic. The anniversaries this year seem to be going by with less bravado than previous years. I am grateful for that.)