A year ago July, when I was supposed to have this right hip surgery done and it got canceled at the last second because of my allergic reaction, I wasn't in that much pain. It could have been (may well have been) because I was on the Fentanyl. That being the case, I remember thinking "this isn't hurting so much, tell me why again I am having this surgery done?" Then the other 'I' would say "because you were given medical advice not to let it get too bad, because then the surgery gets more complicated. The hip is in worse shape the more it hurts. Get it fixed when you know there is already a problem, but it's not awful".
Well, that surgery didn't happen, as we know, and I upped the Fentanyl so I wouldn't feel the pain. I did get the allergy testing for antibiotics done shortly thereafter, but [presumably] from those needles I got cellulitis again and another hospitalization. That was early August last summer, I believe. By the time I went back to my [then] orthopedist, and told him the saga of the allergy testing and cellulitis, that together with the higher Fentanyl tipped his scales and he decided he won't operate on me.
Why reiterate this when we already know the story?
It's a roundabout way of saying... now I'm in a *lot* more pain than I was in last year! It hurts all the time, walking or resting, even first thing in the morning after a night's sleep. It's distracting all the time, and I am constantly more tired these days because of being in more pain. It stinks.
I don't have anything to compare it to as far as last year's situation, because I was on Fentanyl. I assume that the joint is more worn down, and in fact my new orthopedist had to decide if there is enough cartilage to do the repair successfully. Thankfully he decided there is, and I have the surgery date for... three weeks from now. October 19th.
We've been so busy with the Jewish holidays, I haven't been able to take care of any of the paperwork or pre-op testing. I'm getting started on that now, but it's still the holiday of Sukkot here and I can't get any appointments accomplished until next week. The week after next is my cousin's much-anticipated wedding, in Tzfat (3 hour drive north), and we'll be gone for that for two days. Then I have the pre-surgical day at the hospital right after the wedding, then a few days later the surgery. Not so much time! That's what I wanted, though. What's that saying... be careful what you wish for?
Oh, and one thing I found out by reading some of my medical papers late last night was that the hospitalization could be up to three nights (in Tel Aviv). I had thought it would be one night. Oy. It makes life so complicated.
The holidays have been great- honestly great. But very, very tiring. I wanted a quick surgery date, and I got one. I'm just plain nervous. There is a lot to organize before the surgery. The main thing is that I need a person who can chauffeur my kids around for six weeks, I spoke to a good friend yesterday and it looks like he'll be able to do it much of the time, but I need a back-up for the times he can't. (Anyone reading this who may fit the bill of being a back-up driver afternoons for my kids, please let me know. You can have use of our car.)
I also need to arrange meals because I'm going to be on crutches and very limited movement for about three weeks at least. I'll have my two younger kids home afternoons, and need to make sure there are salads and foods ready for them for dinners and snacks. They can make things, but when they are hungry, decent food needs to be available. Also I will need someone to come early afternoons to help me make my lunch. On crutches, you can't take something from the fridge, put it on the counter top or in a pot. It's complicated even to make a sandwich. Non-weight bearing pretty much means the hands are occupied with the job of bearing weight on one leg. And, since my "good" leg is not what it used to be, having gone through this surgery twice already, with it's own disease history, I'm going to be limited in mobility in the best of circumstances.
This logistical arranging helps keep my mind off of the fact that surgery is around the corner.
I need to have this leg fixed, and if all goes well I'll be really happy that one major source of pain is reduced, if not eliminated (the orthopedist said that pain will be reduced, he never said eliminated). The question which festers in my mind is "what if it doesn't all go well"? It's so mind-numbingly scary, knowing what I know, and bearing the scars (and pain) of surgery gone awry already.
But, I have to try to improve my quality of life. I went much of the way by going off the Fentanyl. This surgery is the next goal. Please Gd, let it be the right thing at the right time, with the best possible result.
Are you as scared as I am?
Showing posts with label surgery postponement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surgery postponement. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Sunday, July 12, 2015
A beach, a wedding, an intensive care unit, and a family.
I did have that beach day, and it was **amazing**. I went to the beach alone for the first time in I-don't-know-when. I got to be alone with my thoughts, my feelings about all the heavy things that are going on in my life recently, and I swam in the Mediterranean to my heart's content. Unfortunately my leg became quite discontent with the exertion of swimming in the large strong waves, but I loved it anyway. Me and the beach, we are soul-mates. I gotta do that more often. The spiritual power of a natural body of water is so cleansing. I felt the dark cloud that was hanging over my head just dissipate with the waves, and evaporate in the blazing Israeli sun. I returned home renewed and at peace.
That was Wednesday of this week.
That night I called Rabbi Fisher to get a recommendation for an orthopedist.
If he was going to recommend my recent orthopedist (who did arthroscopic surgery on my left leg twice), I'd have to tell him the whole history of why that doctor "fired me" after I became a tomato on his operating table last year. I was prepared to try once again with that orthopedist if Rabbi Fisher recommended him, especially since I am now off narcotic pain meds and am a lower-risk patient.
Instead of going through all that, though, at the outset Rabbi Fisher recommended a different orthopedist who I had never heard of! I thought my guy was THE arthroscopic hip specialist, but he wasn't the first "go to" with the recommendation. Interesting. Rabbi Fisher gave me this orthopedist's phone number. I did venture to tell him that I have had two successful arthroscopic surgeries with this other orthopedist, and even with that information he still recommended the new one. OK, then!
So I called the new guy the next day. He doesn't have an opening to see me until November! The secretary told me that if she gets a cancellation before that, she'll call me. She said there was a good possibility of that, but she couldn't promise, of course.
I *really* was hoping to get this surgery sooner. I am pain on the right side *all the time* with this, on top of the chronic pain I have from all the surgeries I've had on the left side. It's too much. Well, I am handling it without pain meds, so I guess it's not too much, right? Too much means I can't handle it. I guess what I mean is that I don't want to deal with this. I want a higher quality of life. I was actually thinking of doing the surgery at the end of August when I get back from the US, because Robert is still home for the summer before he goes back to work, and I could have good recuperation time with him home. That's not gonna happen. Well, by now, we know that Hashem makes these decisions in the end, not us. I thought I'd have this surgery last summer when I was ready for it, and got all the way to the operating table. That blog update is here, if anyone wants to look at that episode. It didn't happen then, and I wondered in the back of my head if it would ever happen.
I upped my pain meds at that point. Numbed that pain a bit more.
I'm now off pain meds. I don't plan on going back on them. I have come too far, through all the withdrawal, to reclaim my body from the side effects of Fentanyl. But I am now feeling pain much more acutely.
The newest development with the right hip is that the entire leg now has a tingling sensation all the way down to my foot. Pins and needles. almost all the time. I assume there is a nerve pinched with the impingement. It is very uncomfortable; although it's not pain. It just takes all my attention when it gets bad. All these things- pain, tingling sensations, take me away from being in the world at large, and drag me into the world of self. It takes away the entire world, and my position at any given time in the world, to have a private conversation in my head, which signals to me something going wrong. At these points, I can barely concentrate on conversations.
On another front... my friend who had cancer surgery last week.
She is still sedated, almost a week later, still in ICU. Her situation is fragile, and they haven't been able yet to take her off the respirator or lessen the sedation. She has undergone a series of surgeries. Without going into any more details, I'll just say that she still needs your prayers. Shoshana Chaya Bat Basie.
Because her story involves the same surgeon, the ICU, induced coma, and numerous surgeries, it has been a heavy time for me. I feel I am healthy enough emotionally to be in her life and not make myself traumatized again, but at the same time, I do struggle. There are still loose-ends in my own story, of course. I am not at liberty to discuss them here, but they do weigh heavily on my heart.
Most of us have stories with loose ends, though, when you think about it. Nobody's life can be wrapped up in a neat little box. We all have deep stories, once we open up. Those stories are the ones that propel us through life. These stories happen in order to teach us our specific tikkun (improving on the world, fixing something that is wrong in your soul) for this lifetime.
I love my life, I love my husband and incredible children.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I write here because my story needs to be written. I use this space to let my soul roar when it needs to. I know, though, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am blessed beyond the depth of words. I Survived NF. Most people who confront that beast don't survive.
I get up every morning on my own two legs, and I communicate on every level with every member of my family. I get to continue mothering my children. Full time. I see them, hear them, feel them, taste them, smell them, and hold them. I am fortunate beyond measure.
May Hashem help my friend who is now in such fragile condition in the hospital, be able to walk out by the strength of her own two feet, and have all her senses open to her little girl for many, many years to come.
We are up north now for a few days. We're in Tzfat, and it's beautiful. It was visiting day at Shifra's sleep-away camp (she's there for three weeks) on Friday, so we made a little mini vacation out of it, and stayed with Robert's cousin Chayim, at the lovely house of his fiancee Chaya, although she is in the states for a few weeks.
Here are some pictures from visiting day, camp Amichai, 2015:
 |
| after a swim.... |
 |
| enjoying my solitude |
 |
| Sunset over the Israeli flag... pure beauty. |
That was Wednesday of this week.
That night I called Rabbi Fisher to get a recommendation for an orthopedist.
If he was going to recommend my recent orthopedist (who did arthroscopic surgery on my left leg twice), I'd have to tell him the whole history of why that doctor "fired me" after I became a tomato on his operating table last year. I was prepared to try once again with that orthopedist if Rabbi Fisher recommended him, especially since I am now off narcotic pain meds and am a lower-risk patient.
Instead of going through all that, though, at the outset Rabbi Fisher recommended a different orthopedist who I had never heard of! I thought my guy was THE arthroscopic hip specialist, but he wasn't the first "go to" with the recommendation. Interesting. Rabbi Fisher gave me this orthopedist's phone number. I did venture to tell him that I have had two successful arthroscopic surgeries with this other orthopedist, and even with that information he still recommended the new one. OK, then!
So I called the new guy the next day. He doesn't have an opening to see me until November! The secretary told me that if she gets a cancellation before that, she'll call me. She said there was a good possibility of that, but she couldn't promise, of course.
I *really* was hoping to get this surgery sooner. I am pain on the right side *all the time* with this, on top of the chronic pain I have from all the surgeries I've had on the left side. It's too much. Well, I am handling it without pain meds, so I guess it's not too much, right? Too much means I can't handle it. I guess what I mean is that I don't want to deal with this. I want a higher quality of life. I was actually thinking of doing the surgery at the end of August when I get back from the US, because Robert is still home for the summer before he goes back to work, and I could have good recuperation time with him home. That's not gonna happen. Well, by now, we know that Hashem makes these decisions in the end, not us. I thought I'd have this surgery last summer when I was ready for it, and got all the way to the operating table. That blog update is here, if anyone wants to look at that episode. It didn't happen then, and I wondered in the back of my head if it would ever happen.
I upped my pain meds at that point. Numbed that pain a bit more.
I'm now off pain meds. I don't plan on going back on them. I have come too far, through all the withdrawal, to reclaim my body from the side effects of Fentanyl. But I am now feeling pain much more acutely.
The newest development with the right hip is that the entire leg now has a tingling sensation all the way down to my foot. Pins and needles. almost all the time. I assume there is a nerve pinched with the impingement. It is very uncomfortable; although it's not pain. It just takes all my attention when it gets bad. All these things- pain, tingling sensations, take me away from being in the world at large, and drag me into the world of self. It takes away the entire world, and my position at any given time in the world, to have a private conversation in my head, which signals to me something going wrong. At these points, I can barely concentrate on conversations.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
On another front... my friend who had cancer surgery last week.
She is still sedated, almost a week later, still in ICU. Her situation is fragile, and they haven't been able yet to take her off the respirator or lessen the sedation. She has undergone a series of surgeries. Without going into any more details, I'll just say that she still needs your prayers. Shoshana Chaya Bat Basie.
Because her story involves the same surgeon, the ICU, induced coma, and numerous surgeries, it has been a heavy time for me. I feel I am healthy enough emotionally to be in her life and not make myself traumatized again, but at the same time, I do struggle. There are still loose-ends in my own story, of course. I am not at liberty to discuss them here, but they do weigh heavily on my heart.
Most of us have stories with loose ends, though, when you think about it. Nobody's life can be wrapped up in a neat little box. We all have deep stories, once we open up. Those stories are the ones that propel us through life. These stories happen in order to teach us our specific tikkun (improving on the world, fixing something that is wrong in your soul) for this lifetime.
I love my life, I love my husband and incredible children.
 |
| Having fun with "selfies" at a wedding we recently attended. |
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I get up every morning on my own two legs, and I communicate on every level with every member of my family. I get to continue mothering my children. Full time. I see them, hear them, feel them, taste them, smell them, and hold them. I am fortunate beyond measure.
May Hashem help my friend who is now in such fragile condition in the hospital, be able to walk out by the strength of her own two feet, and have all her senses open to her little girl for many, many years to come.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We are up north now for a few days. We're in Tzfat, and it's beautiful. It was visiting day at Shifra's sleep-away camp (she's there for three weeks) on Friday, so we made a little mini vacation out of it, and stayed with Robert's cousin Chayim, at the lovely house of his fiancee Chaya, although she is in the states for a few weeks.
Here are some pictures from visiting day, camp Amichai, 2015:
 |
| Shifra and Dov looking awfully cute here, right? |
 |
| The whole gang! (yes, Azriel has his arm in a sling, but it's not broken, and is slowly but surely healing,) |
 |
| visiting day over, saying goodbye to Big Sister. |
Saturday, November 29, 2014
The scary but sure tunnel of change
"You're not exactly a candidate for an award for the "best surgical outcome". There is no way, no matter what you say, that I am ever going to operate on you again. We are talking about putting your life at risk, and I am not going to have any part of it."
"After the last time we saw each other- in which you were red and swollen [at the surgery attempt when I became allergic on the table]- I thought about it and decided that I will not operate on you."
My orthopedist of almost 6 years could have told me this before, that he had already decided there will be no surgical fix for my right thigh joint, at least not by him... before I trekked up to Tel Aviv on a rainy day last week.
Before he said his piece, I had started the meeting by telling him that I am not sure about doing the surgery, that I wanted to discuss it with him. I told him about what has happened recently regarding pain, and the new ligament "twang" that is happening and making me crazy (to which he told me to "go get physical therapy").
Then he told me I have a very low pain tolerance; that people walk around for years with a torn labrum and impingement in their thigh joint and are not on narcotics. "With the medicines you take, I am not going near you with general anesthesia." It was an insult... that I am on narcotic pain meds at all, and that what I walk around with shouldn't hurt.
Low pain tolerance?
"After the last time we saw each other- in which you were red and swollen [at the surgery attempt when I became allergic on the table]- I thought about it and decided that I will not operate on you."
My orthopedist of almost 6 years could have told me this before, that he had already decided there will be no surgical fix for my right thigh joint, at least not by him... before I trekked up to Tel Aviv on a rainy day last week.
Before he said his piece, I had started the meeting by telling him that I am not sure about doing the surgery, that I wanted to discuss it with him. I told him about what has happened recently regarding pain, and the new ligament "twang" that is happening and making me crazy (to which he told me to "go get physical therapy").
Then he told me I have a very low pain tolerance; that people walk around for years with a torn labrum and impingement in their thigh joint and are not on narcotics. "With the medicines you take, I am not going near you with general anesthesia." It was an insult... that I am on narcotic pain meds at all, and that what I walk around with shouldn't hurt.
Low pain tolerance?
(%#*)_+*&^%#@ EXPLETIVES & INSULTS aimed at doctor *&^%#&(#+$@I*^#%!.
I am at such a loss for real words for anyone who can sit with me in a room and say to my face I have a low pain tolerance. (never mind that it is a man, who hasn't experienced natural childbirth- not once, nor the three times I have... and a c-section while having three other little ones to take care of). I know childbirth has a different sort of pain scale, but still, just wanted to throw that in.
*YOU*, Dr. orthopedist, walk around just for one day with exactly what I feel and then say that.
Seven years ago, when I returned to the hospital four days after the surgery which eventually led to NF, a nurse said to Robert that the fact that I was in so much pain, four days after the surgery, was because I was spoiled and have a low pain tolerance. Nobody else would need morphine for this. The next day, the raging infection which was causing the unbearable pain almost killed me.
Seven years ago, when I returned to the hospital four days after the surgery which eventually led to NF, a nurse said to Robert that the fact that I was in so much pain, four days after the surgery, was because I was spoiled and have a low pain tolerance. Nobody else would need morphine for this. The next day, the raging infection which was causing the unbearable pain almost killed me.
I am not saying now, Gd forbid, that I am presently in mortal danger. I am saying that those words should be TAKEN OUT of the lexicon for doctors and nurses. It is such a slap in the face, you can't imagine.
I reminded the orthopedist that I went on the narcotics before my right hip was impinged. That "there are other reasons, if you will remember, for me to be dealing now with chronic pain." I then told him that I am presently in a long-term plan to lower the Fentanyl, and that is one of the reasons I have more pain recently. He wasn't even listening at that point. Just typing with a look on his face that says "I have cut you off, I'm typing this letter up for you for the last time".
Oh, he also told me that he was sorry that he operated on my left hip for the impingement. I said, "but you know it helped, right?" The fact that it is torn and impinged again isn't his fault, it's nobodies. Sh*t happens. At the time, it was clear to me that he was trying to help. Now he is sorry he did. Thanks, buddy.
My orthopedist dumped me. (sounds funny when I re-read this while proofreading it.)
No mistakes about it. Clear as day.
The doctor said that I am free to find another orthopedist if I want, but he is out of the picture.
Basically afterward I felt like a lost cause, screwed up, and insulted.
Thursday (two days ago) I took off another dose of the Fentanyl. I am marching through this plan, trying to stay strong in the storm. I now have 68mmg of patches on me, and the high point a few months ago was 87.5mmg. Making progress, but living with more pain. It'll get worse this week before it tops off the next week. I am taking off about 6mmg every two weeks, like Dr. Davidson suggested. I am awaiting the approval for the new medicine, which should come in around the time I have gotten the Fentanyl down enough, hopefully. Dr. D said it should be, at the highest, 40mmg, but 25mmg is optimal. Then I'll start on the new medicine and slowly wean off that last bit of the Fentanyl in tandem.
I wonder how life is going to be when the Fentanyl gets that low. Each time I cut down a dose, I am scared, proud, strong, fragile, unsure of my decisions, and trooping through to the next phase, wherever that will be. I am also in sort of a gray zone about the new medicine- if it'll help, what will the side effects be, how will it change my life? The Fentanyl certainly changed my life, now I am looking toward another pain-relief medicine with all it's question marks and uncertainties.
At some point, when I am ready, we'll discuss the new pain medicine plan. I'm not ready yet. I think I want to know that I am actually going to keep following through with lowering the Fentanyl, uncovering more pain, walking through the scary tunnel of change. Part of me wonders if it is just going to get too painful for me to continue following through. Actually, Dr. D said to me that if that happens, to call him and he will prescribe something in the interim to keep things more in control.
Life has been hard. Very hard. But there are good things, too, Very good things. I just don't write about them much because I really use this blog to get out the hard stuff. I'm sorry that you bear the brunt of that, but it's better than living with this stuff inside me, and having no outlet for the emotions that arise as fallout from being through what I have. That, together with knowing that without the blog, my friends wouldn't know what is going on with me, and I am not the type to explain it. I keep it inside usually. My usual response to "how are you", if I know the person is reading my blog, is "perfect!". I'm such a card.
As a side note, I find myself somehow feeling closer to picking up my horn again and starting to play a bit. My former partner from the orchestra- the other horn player- calls me occasionally to feel out where I am with playing. There is tons of orchestra work waiting for me when I am ready. This last time he called, two weeks ago, he dropped some composers and names of pieces that he would need extra players for, and that I would love to sink my teeth into.
But then I say, who am I kidding? I can't commit to watering my plants on time, how can I commit to a real job with expectations? Sitting for rehearsals and concerts for so long at a time, having pain while I am supposed to be concentrating on musicianship and what it takes to play in an orchestra. Never mind needing to practice for a few months just to be at a decent level again. Nah, that's just not in my cards. Isn't that just... sad?
But maybe I'll pick it up again anyway. I'll let you know.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Lymph edema left-over.
After everything that has happened since the day the surgery was postponed (here is that post), I am indefinitely postponing the right hip surgery.
I have learned a lot about being aligned with my intuitive voice since NF.
Since the surgery was postponed because of my allergic reaction to antibiotics, then the follow-up allergy testing, then cellulitis (four days later), and a near-relapse last week after three days of vacation, I understand that my body is more susceptible to infection than other people's. I hadn't really realized this before. Maybe that sounds crazy to you, but I had my own belief that I was the statistical anomaly which drew the short straw, so to speak, and got NF. While that may be true, the damage that I was left with *does* increase my risk of infection.
At the moment I am suffering from lymph node overload. It's something that I dealt with the year following NF. It's called lymph edema- swelling in the area where the lymph nodes have been damaged by illness and/or surgeries. The damage happened with NF, and the whole year following NF I needed lymphatic massage, which was the only thing that relieved the discomfort. The lymphatic massage itself was actually quite pleasant, thankfully. The purpose is to "train" the lymph system to drain by way of the undamaged areas of the body through gently massaging fluid under the skin layer. After the year of this therapy, the lymph edema was pretty much under control. I would feel it occasionally, but not too bothersome.
Now, after this last bout of cellulitis, it is back. The lymph system near where the NF was is all swollen and painful. I have tried to do the lymphatic draining myself (as the therapist taught me years ago), but it's not helping. So, I will be starting a new course of lymph edema treatments.
Just what I need- once a week traveling to have this appointment- for who knows how long.
I was susceptible to the cellulitis because of the lymph damage. Infection settles there because there are no lymph node "soldiers" to combat it.
In short, I am not in any position to go through a surgery. My orthopedic surgeon told me a long time ago that he doesn't like the idea of operating on me because of the infection issues, but I always thought he was being overly cautious, that the chance of me coming down with an infection was just like anyone else's chance. Now I realize he was right to be cautious. Even with that, he was willing to operate on my right leg if I decided to. He wants me to be out of pain as much as I do. So, we decided to do it. The rest is history... only a month ago! Getting a serious infection in the interim has been a wake-up call for me. I am just going to have to deal with the pain from the hip. I don't know for how long. It is nice to think that the teeny tiny voice in the recesses of my mind telling me that maybe the broken labrum will heal itself in the time being is the voice of wisdom and truth. That remains to be seen. Since I am not going to go ahead with the surgery, we will have an opportunity to see if that will happen or not. :)
OK, even though I want to write more, I will end this here. I promise a post soon with pictures of vacation, and of my kids returning from camp (yesterday) all tan and magnificently happy!!
It's just that when I wait for a post to be finished, it winds up taking so long that more things happen, and there is too much to do. I am very busy with writing my book proposal for the contest, due Thursday!
Gotta go. On my way today to Jerusalem for an infusion of Torah with some classes I am going to attend. Bus in an hour. Bye!
(tomorrow is the ultrasound of the new right side pain... let's hope it's nothing.)
I have learned a lot about being aligned with my intuitive voice since NF.
Since the surgery was postponed because of my allergic reaction to antibiotics, then the follow-up allergy testing, then cellulitis (four days later), and a near-relapse last week after three days of vacation, I understand that my body is more susceptible to infection than other people's. I hadn't really realized this before. Maybe that sounds crazy to you, but I had my own belief that I was the statistical anomaly which drew the short straw, so to speak, and got NF. While that may be true, the damage that I was left with *does* increase my risk of infection.
At the moment I am suffering from lymph node overload. It's something that I dealt with the year following NF. It's called lymph edema- swelling in the area where the lymph nodes have been damaged by illness and/or surgeries. The damage happened with NF, and the whole year following NF I needed lymphatic massage, which was the only thing that relieved the discomfort. The lymphatic massage itself was actually quite pleasant, thankfully. The purpose is to "train" the lymph system to drain by way of the undamaged areas of the body through gently massaging fluid under the skin layer. After the year of this therapy, the lymph edema was pretty much under control. I would feel it occasionally, but not too bothersome.
Now, after this last bout of cellulitis, it is back. The lymph system near where the NF was is all swollen and painful. I have tried to do the lymphatic draining myself (as the therapist taught me years ago), but it's not helping. So, I will be starting a new course of lymph edema treatments.
Just what I need- once a week traveling to have this appointment- for who knows how long.
I was susceptible to the cellulitis because of the lymph damage. Infection settles there because there are no lymph node "soldiers" to combat it.
In short, I am not in any position to go through a surgery. My orthopedic surgeon told me a long time ago that he doesn't like the idea of operating on me because of the infection issues, but I always thought he was being overly cautious, that the chance of me coming down with an infection was just like anyone else's chance. Now I realize he was right to be cautious. Even with that, he was willing to operate on my right leg if I decided to. He wants me to be out of pain as much as I do. So, we decided to do it. The rest is history... only a month ago! Getting a serious infection in the interim has been a wake-up call for me. I am just going to have to deal with the pain from the hip. I don't know for how long. It is nice to think that the teeny tiny voice in the recesses of my mind telling me that maybe the broken labrum will heal itself in the time being is the voice of wisdom and truth. That remains to be seen. Since I am not going to go ahead with the surgery, we will have an opportunity to see if that will happen or not. :)
OK, even though I want to write more, I will end this here. I promise a post soon with pictures of vacation, and of my kids returning from camp (yesterday) all tan and magnificently happy!!
It's just that when I wait for a post to be finished, it winds up taking so long that more things happen, and there is too much to do. I am very busy with writing my book proposal for the contest, due Thursday!
Gotta go. On my way today to Jerusalem for an infusion of Torah with some classes I am going to attend. Bus in an hour. Bye!
(tomorrow is the ultrasound of the new right side pain... let's hope it's nothing.)
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Air raid sirens for rockets, infection sirens from my body..
I haven't written in so long mostly because of lack of internet. Which, taking into account that it was because we were on vacation, can be a good thing. I couldn't even upload pictures to facebook, though! Withdrawal!
On Thursday evening, we went up north, to make our way closer to the kid's sleep-away camp for visiting day on Friday. We stayed with a distant relative of Robert's. They were excited to talk genealogy the whole time. :)
Friday, visiting day was wonderful. The kids are wildly happy, thank Gd. They have gotten some air-raid sirens, even all the way up where they are (nowhere near Gaza, so I don't know where they came from... Hamas in Lebanon, perhaps?), but they are all fine. My kids took it upon themselves to calm others down while in the "safe room", because, being from Be'er Sheva, they are old hands at air raids and rockets and that sort of thing. Yah. But anyway, they are all healthy and happy, and were chattering a mile-a-minute about everything that has gone on in camp. It was a great day, and I am so glad I got to be there. If I had had the surgery, we weren't sure if I'd make it up there for it.
We stayed the rest of the time in a little log cabin in the woods. :) Just me, Robert, and Azriel. No sirens at all. Bliss. We had a lovely Shabbat around the settlement where the cabin is, and then on Sunday we toured all around the ancient city and artist's quarter of Tzfat. I hadn't been there since our honeymoon, so it was very special. It is a beautiful nook of Israel, and a very spiritual city. After touring around quite a bit, we headed back to our log cabin, but not before playing mini-golf along the way. A real hit with Azriel. I was exhausted, though.
What I didn't realize, or put together, was that I needed to take it easier than usual. I just can't behave like I used to before NF. I can't do waking up relatively early, being busy all day, doing many different strenuous activities, mini-golf when I am already beat, then out for dinner late.
Before I continue, I just want to say that I *liked* that. I haven't yet, after all these years, accepted that I just cannot do that stuff all at once. I love touring around. I don't *want* to be someone who has to "take it easy" when everyone else is enjoying themselves. I am a "do-er", not a "rester". Before I got NF, I practically never stopped. Seven years later, and I *still* find it hard to make myself stop, especially when it means making others not do what they want to do.
Actually, I did rest *a lot* on Shabbat. Almost all afternoon I rested. Sunday was the big day doing lots of stuff, but I felt OK. Until the evening. I should have called it quits, but I wanted Azriel and Robert to enjoy everything. I know you can understand that, right?
Monday we had to go back to Tzfat because we forgot something in an art/glass blowing studio we visited the day before. Before we left, we packed up our stuff in the log cabin and packed up the car. I lifted one suitcase from the bed to the floor, not even walking with it anywhere, and it didn't seem heavy. A half hour later, I was laying in the hammock while Robert was packing the car, and I felt a sharply painful area on the right side of my groin. It was very, very sore to the touch, but nothing could be seen from the skin. We thought, another hernia? Could that be it?
It was also Monday morning (after the Sunday touring and fun-stuff.... did I tell you that day started out with me jumping on a trampoline?) that I started feeling pain again in the place I had the cellulitis two weeks ago. So, left side hurt reminiscent of cellulitis, right side new pain, and I was not a happy camper.
A half hour later, we were in Tzfat, at the art studio, picking up what we forgot.
As soon as Robert parked the car, I threw up, violently. Something Was Wrong.
After that, I felt fevery, and desperately needed a bed. Immediately. I couldn't do anything else but lie down. The car was not an option. Turns out, once again with the hand of God helping out here, that the art studio has a few rooms they rent to tourists. One was empty, and they gave it to me to rest. Unbelievable sense of being taken care of here by the Big Guy, you know?
I rested there for almost three hours while Robert and Azriel went around town again, seeing other things. They had a great time. I was miserable, but at least not inflicting them with it. It was enough that Azriel had to witness my classy barfing episode, poor guy. Scared the bajeebers out of him.
I had a fever, and my different assorted parts were hurting. I did not want to go to the hospital inTzfat, and neither of us thought it was that sort of life or death emergency. I desperately wanted to go home. Whether or not I'd go to the hospital in Be'er Sheva when we returned, I wasn't sure.
It was about a three hour ride. I was nauseous and fevery the whole time. Nice, right? NOT!
Such an intense bummer after such a nice few days vacation. There were no external incoming missile sirens, but my body's siren was blaring.
When we finally rolled into Be'er Sheva (Robert's great long-distance-night driving, yet again!), we both decided that it'd be best for me to sleep in my own bed all night, and see what develops. My fever was low, and I didn't feel in imminent danger. I loathed the idea of going to the ER at night, with fluorescent lights overhead for hours, getting poked and prodded, and not getting any sleep.
So, I stayed at home. It was also an issue of who will be with Azriel if Robert and I went to the ER, but we could have solved that pretty easily. We'd have brought him to his friend's house.
At home: just falling asleep at 11PM- siren, get out of bed, go down four flights of stairs (in my house) to get to the safe room. Wait for booms. Coast clear, go back up all the stairs to go back to bed, after making sure Azriel is in bed again. Sleep. Until....
3 AM- siren. Same routine, down lots of stairs, booms, back upstairs. Try to fall asleep again with adrenaline coursing through my veins. Air-raid, remember? Finally fall asleep, oh, and no fever at all.
This morning I had a pre-scheduled appointment with my ID (infectious disease) doctor in Soroka. This was the appointment which I scheduled after my postponed surgery last month- I was told to do allergy testing, then go to an ID doc before rescheduling surgery.
This appointment, however, came at a very opportune time because of all this other stuff that has happened *since* the surgery was canceled. (CRAZY!). It was one of the reasons I didn't go to the hospital when we got back last night, knowing I'd have this consult today.
This ID doctor has known me and my case since the NF. She is also an English speaker- always a plus for me. I told her all the gory details since the Vancomycin reaction which postponed the surgery, the cellulitis hospitalization, and yesterday's bonus prize. Lots of talk about antibiotics.
She did a physical exam, checking out my new right side pain. She said, to her, she couldn't feel a hernia (I coughed while she pushed- OW!). She suggested it could be a lymph node problem, and also said I need an ultrasound for it. The left side (from the cellulitis of two weeks ago) was a little red and inflamed, but less than it was last night when we came home from vacation. No fever.
For now, I have a prescription for more antibiotic (the same one I was on until last week) if my fever should go up again, or the cellulitis is back. Tomorrow I will see my GP. She will help me decide what to do. I'm sure she'll give me an ultrasound referral for the new right side pain.
Since the cellulitis from two weeks ago was "over", I never really felt it out of my system. I kept feeling pain there occasionally, and I thought I was getting new nerve pain areas. I have gotten nerve pain areas from cellulitis before. But I kept feeling just kinda under the weather, and my lymph nodes, especially in the left groin, were very painful.
Speaking of which, I got the results of the MRI.
GOOD NEWS: No PVNS! Baruch Hashem. That was great to see. Basically it said that my left thigh joint is about the same as it was from the last MRI a year ago. Stable in it's kinda messy way. It did say, though, that there is an especially large lymph node. My doctor said not to worry about that, it's normal to have that after just having been through cellulitis.
So, that's the story, in all it's glory. Tomorrow I see my GP and try to decide what to do about this episode that seems like a relapse of the cellulitis, but not 100%. Just bad enough to make me feel pretty crappy, and not bad enough to take immediate action. A very hard place to be.
I will give some pics with the next post, I hope. I gotta get internet back on my phone so I can transmit the pictures. (It's a long story why I don't have internet. It'll get aquared away soon).
I am going to bed now, quite sore where the new pain is on the right side groin. Tomorrow morning to the GP and we'll make a plan.
I decided to sleep in the safe room tonight. I sooooo don't want to for many reasons: 1) it is not a very comfortable bed, and my own bed is *awesome*, 2) there is no air conditioning and we live in the desert (but the ceiling fan is decent one), 3) all my stuff is near my bed up here. But, climbing up and down 4 flights multiple times a day while fighting an infection is just not good. I am not getting enough sleep. We have so many sirens every day, and boom boom boom boom boom boom all the time, with the sirens, *and* without. Booms of explosions literally all day. We are lucky to have a safe room. It is made of steel with reinforced concrete. It even has a window, but these days it is always shut with an iron closure covering it). I slept there during the last war as well.
I get so much adrenaline when the siren goes off and I hike up and down stairs, it is so hard to get back to sleep. Also Azriel is begging to sleep there with me. He wants to feel more secure. So, yah, Robert is setting it up now, and I'm moving in. I'm also trying to fight an infection here. I need rest and sleep.
I have many political things to say about this all (and anyone who reads my Facebook writings knows that), but not here. I chose, and still choose every day to live in Israel. This is my home in every way, shape and form. I would move my bed (and those of my children) to another one in Israel to be safer, but I would not leave Israel. I just hope this is over efficiently, fast, and that we don't keep losing precious young lives in battle. My heart breaks for them, and their families. As a mother, I fear these mother's grief. My boys are still too young to serve (at age 18 they get drafted), but I feel, in my veins, each and every loss, and case of PTSD that happens with these wars. When I was in the psych hospital after I had NF, being treated for my acute PTSD, I was only one of three civilians there- many were released soldiers battling with PTSD.
On Thursday evening, we went up north, to make our way closer to the kid's sleep-away camp for visiting day on Friday. We stayed with a distant relative of Robert's. They were excited to talk genealogy the whole time. :)
Friday, visiting day was wonderful. The kids are wildly happy, thank Gd. They have gotten some air-raid sirens, even all the way up where they are (nowhere near Gaza, so I don't know where they came from... Hamas in Lebanon, perhaps?), but they are all fine. My kids took it upon themselves to calm others down while in the "safe room", because, being from Be'er Sheva, they are old hands at air raids and rockets and that sort of thing. Yah. But anyway, they are all healthy and happy, and were chattering a mile-a-minute about everything that has gone on in camp. It was a great day, and I am so glad I got to be there. If I had had the surgery, we weren't sure if I'd make it up there for it.
We stayed the rest of the time in a little log cabin in the woods. :) Just me, Robert, and Azriel. No sirens at all. Bliss. We had a lovely Shabbat around the settlement where the cabin is, and then on Sunday we toured all around the ancient city and artist's quarter of Tzfat. I hadn't been there since our honeymoon, so it was very special. It is a beautiful nook of Israel, and a very spiritual city. After touring around quite a bit, we headed back to our log cabin, but not before playing mini-golf along the way. A real hit with Azriel. I was exhausted, though.
What I didn't realize, or put together, was that I needed to take it easier than usual. I just can't behave like I used to before NF. I can't do waking up relatively early, being busy all day, doing many different strenuous activities, mini-golf when I am already beat, then out for dinner late.
Before I continue, I just want to say that I *liked* that. I haven't yet, after all these years, accepted that I just cannot do that stuff all at once. I love touring around. I don't *want* to be someone who has to "take it easy" when everyone else is enjoying themselves. I am a "do-er", not a "rester". Before I got NF, I practically never stopped. Seven years later, and I *still* find it hard to make myself stop, especially when it means making others not do what they want to do.
Actually, I did rest *a lot* on Shabbat. Almost all afternoon I rested. Sunday was the big day doing lots of stuff, but I felt OK. Until the evening. I should have called it quits, but I wanted Azriel and Robert to enjoy everything. I know you can understand that, right?
Monday we had to go back to Tzfat because we forgot something in an art/glass blowing studio we visited the day before. Before we left, we packed up our stuff in the log cabin and packed up the car. I lifted one suitcase from the bed to the floor, not even walking with it anywhere, and it didn't seem heavy. A half hour later, I was laying in the hammock while Robert was packing the car, and I felt a sharply painful area on the right side of my groin. It was very, very sore to the touch, but nothing could be seen from the skin. We thought, another hernia? Could that be it?
It was also Monday morning (after the Sunday touring and fun-stuff.... did I tell you that day started out with me jumping on a trampoline?) that I started feeling pain again in the place I had the cellulitis two weeks ago. So, left side hurt reminiscent of cellulitis, right side new pain, and I was not a happy camper.
A half hour later, we were in Tzfat, at the art studio, picking up what we forgot.
As soon as Robert parked the car, I threw up, violently. Something Was Wrong.
After that, I felt fevery, and desperately needed a bed. Immediately. I couldn't do anything else but lie down. The car was not an option. Turns out, once again with the hand of God helping out here, that the art studio has a few rooms they rent to tourists. One was empty, and they gave it to me to rest. Unbelievable sense of being taken care of here by the Big Guy, you know?
I rested there for almost three hours while Robert and Azriel went around town again, seeing other things. They had a great time. I was miserable, but at least not inflicting them with it. It was enough that Azriel had to witness my classy barfing episode, poor guy. Scared the bajeebers out of him.
I had a fever, and my different assorted parts were hurting. I did not want to go to the hospital inTzfat, and neither of us thought it was that sort of life or death emergency. I desperately wanted to go home. Whether or not I'd go to the hospital in Be'er Sheva when we returned, I wasn't sure.
It was about a three hour ride. I was nauseous and fevery the whole time. Nice, right? NOT!
Such an intense bummer after such a nice few days vacation. There were no external incoming missile sirens, but my body's siren was blaring.
When we finally rolled into Be'er Sheva (Robert's great long-distance-night driving, yet again!), we both decided that it'd be best for me to sleep in my own bed all night, and see what develops. My fever was low, and I didn't feel in imminent danger. I loathed the idea of going to the ER at night, with fluorescent lights overhead for hours, getting poked and prodded, and not getting any sleep.
So, I stayed at home. It was also an issue of who will be with Azriel if Robert and I went to the ER, but we could have solved that pretty easily. We'd have brought him to his friend's house.
At home: just falling asleep at 11PM- siren, get out of bed, go down four flights of stairs (in my house) to get to the safe room. Wait for booms. Coast clear, go back up all the stairs to go back to bed, after making sure Azriel is in bed again. Sleep. Until....
3 AM- siren. Same routine, down lots of stairs, booms, back upstairs. Try to fall asleep again with adrenaline coursing through my veins. Air-raid, remember? Finally fall asleep, oh, and no fever at all.
This morning I had a pre-scheduled appointment with my ID (infectious disease) doctor in Soroka. This was the appointment which I scheduled after my postponed surgery last month- I was told to do allergy testing, then go to an ID doc before rescheduling surgery.
This appointment, however, came at a very opportune time because of all this other stuff that has happened *since* the surgery was canceled. (CRAZY!). It was one of the reasons I didn't go to the hospital when we got back last night, knowing I'd have this consult today.
This ID doctor has known me and my case since the NF. She is also an English speaker- always a plus for me. I told her all the gory details since the Vancomycin reaction which postponed the surgery, the cellulitis hospitalization, and yesterday's bonus prize. Lots of talk about antibiotics.
She did a physical exam, checking out my new right side pain. She said, to her, she couldn't feel a hernia (I coughed while she pushed- OW!). She suggested it could be a lymph node problem, and also said I need an ultrasound for it. The left side (from the cellulitis of two weeks ago) was a little red and inflamed, but less than it was last night when we came home from vacation. No fever.
For now, I have a prescription for more antibiotic (the same one I was on until last week) if my fever should go up again, or the cellulitis is back. Tomorrow I will see my GP. She will help me decide what to do. I'm sure she'll give me an ultrasound referral for the new right side pain.
Since the cellulitis from two weeks ago was "over", I never really felt it out of my system. I kept feeling pain there occasionally, and I thought I was getting new nerve pain areas. I have gotten nerve pain areas from cellulitis before. But I kept feeling just kinda under the weather, and my lymph nodes, especially in the left groin, were very painful.
Speaking of which, I got the results of the MRI.
GOOD NEWS: No PVNS! Baruch Hashem. That was great to see. Basically it said that my left thigh joint is about the same as it was from the last MRI a year ago. Stable in it's kinda messy way. It did say, though, that there is an especially large lymph node. My doctor said not to worry about that, it's normal to have that after just having been through cellulitis.
So, that's the story, in all it's glory. Tomorrow I see my GP and try to decide what to do about this episode that seems like a relapse of the cellulitis, but not 100%. Just bad enough to make me feel pretty crappy, and not bad enough to take immediate action. A very hard place to be.
I will give some pics with the next post, I hope. I gotta get internet back on my phone so I can transmit the pictures. (It's a long story why I don't have internet. It'll get aquared away soon).
I am going to bed now, quite sore where the new pain is on the right side groin. Tomorrow morning to the GP and we'll make a plan.
I decided to sleep in the safe room tonight. I sooooo don't want to for many reasons: 1) it is not a very comfortable bed, and my own bed is *awesome*, 2) there is no air conditioning and we live in the desert (but the ceiling fan is decent one), 3) all my stuff is near my bed up here. But, climbing up and down 4 flights multiple times a day while fighting an infection is just not good. I am not getting enough sleep. We have so many sirens every day, and boom boom boom boom boom boom all the time, with the sirens, *and* without. Booms of explosions literally all day. We are lucky to have a safe room. It is made of steel with reinforced concrete. It even has a window, but these days it is always shut with an iron closure covering it). I slept there during the last war as well.
I get so much adrenaline when the siren goes off and I hike up and down stairs, it is so hard to get back to sleep. Also Azriel is begging to sleep there with me. He wants to feel more secure. So, yah, Robert is setting it up now, and I'm moving in. I'm also trying to fight an infection here. I need rest and sleep.
I have many political things to say about this all (and anyone who reads my Facebook writings knows that), but not here. I chose, and still choose every day to live in Israel. This is my home in every way, shape and form. I would move my bed (and those of my children) to another one in Israel to be safer, but I would not leave Israel. I just hope this is over efficiently, fast, and that we don't keep losing precious young lives in battle. My heart breaks for them, and their families. As a mother, I fear these mother's grief. My boys are still too young to serve (at age 18 they get drafted), but I feel, in my veins, each and every loss, and case of PTSD that happens with these wars. When I was in the psych hospital after I had NF, being treated for my acute PTSD, I was only one of three civilians there- many were released soldiers battling with PTSD.
OK, I am now settled in the room which Azriel named, three wars ago, the "boom boom room". If we have another siren tonight, he will join me here. I'm fairly certain we will.
I pray we wont.
Ever.
Again.
 |
| This video is beautiful. click here: Make love, not war. |
Monday, June 23, 2014
Introducing another medical wild card into the picture
I have two different doctors for my two hips.
Left hip is the one that has the scarring from NF, and from the PVNS disease. PVNS is a disease that has a 50/50% chance of returning after the tumors have been removed. My surgery to remove the tumor was in 2009, and I summed up the entire story of finally getting the diagnosis of PVNS here. The latter one brought back many memories of the year it took me to convince any doctor that something really is wrong in my hip. Nobody believed me. PVNS is a very rare disease, nobody knew what they were looking at with my MRI.
So, my point in mentioning this all is that recently, like starting about a week before my scheduled right hip surgery (not-PVNS), the left hip started acting up. There were a few days that it hurt more than the right one.
The left hip needs an orthopedic oncologist for that disease, and my doctor for the right hip is a highly specialized hip/shoulder sports orthopedist. I know, it's crazy to have a different doctor for each hip, but here it is.
I haven't had an MRI for the left hip, to check if the PVNS is returning, in a long time. I have to try to check when, but it's been about a year. I am supposed to have one every 6 months, but it seems we dropped the ball on that one since the right hip got bad.
So, this led me to wonder if I should get an MRI on the left hip before I go ahead with the right hip surgery? It is mind-boggling. Completely. PVNS is more dangerous than the hip impingement/labrum tear I have in the right hip.
I am just *sooooo* confused. After the right hip surgery last week went down the way it did, in the back of my head I wondered if I would ever actually have a chance to get my right hip fixed. I felt like it will never happen. I need to see an allergist (just got the referral for that today, I need to make an appointment), then an infectious disease doctor. I'd need that with any surgery I have to do. There is no real reason why it will never happen, but my head jumped to the illogical conclusion that the surgery will not ever happen. Something in me felt like it *knew* that to be a fact.
As far as timing, yes, it could still be done this summer. But, I am fully planning on going to America in the beginning of September to go to a writer's conference headed by my mentor for my book writing. At the same time, of course, taking the opportunity to see my parents. I can't make that trip on crutches. I mean I could, but I don't plan on it. Way too hard. If the surgery is postponed for more than the middle of July, I have to wait until I return from that trip. Then of course, I get into the territory of Shifra's BatMitzvah, in November 2014.
What if the PVNS is returning, though (God forbid)? If I go through right hip surgery, then need left hip to deal with PVNS, that is a bad scenario. Maybe that is why my surgeon (the one who aborted last week's surgery because of the antibiotic reaction), at first, told me he does not want to go into either hip, unless it is PVNS. He does not want to operate on me because of my whole background. He tried to talk me out of getting my right hip fixed, but told me he would do it if I chose to. I have so much pain from it, that I made that choice to fix it, and he supports my choice.
Now, should I follow my tiny but nagging voice that tells me to get an MRI for my left leg before I reschedule for the right? That could hold things up for quite some time. It can take months to get an MRI date. On the other hand, I could possibly schedule the right hip impingement surgery for sooner if I weren't waiting for an MRI. Or, maybe I could call every hospital in Israel that has an MRI machine and try to get a close appointment. But first I have to get in touch with orthopedic oncology to see if I can get a referral for an MRI without coming in for a check-up, or if I'd need an appointment there first (another thing that could take months).
You see where I am going with this?
It is so murky... I am so confused.
Was the surgery cancelled so I could get some perspective here regarding the importance of keeping tabs on the PVNS disease? Obviously it was canceled for the plain reason that I need allergy testing for antibiotics. I need that no matter what, and, frankly, I am relieved that we will finally know what I am and am not allergic to. Every time I need an antibiotic it seems like a shot-in-the-dark.
But the fact that pain has gotten more intense in the left leg makes me sort of raise an eyebrow (I could never do that with just one eyebrow. My daughter Shifra can, though! It's hysterical).
Basically I feel so lost about how to go about improving my pain. That's *all* I want. To get relief from pain. The underlying force to my every waking daytime hour revolves around pain.
Since the day of the first surgery which led to the NF, I have not had more than two or three days in a row with no pain. Narcotic pain medicine has been my constant companion for 6 years. It started around the time after I had the PVNS surgery, followed shortly thereafter by the appendicitis. Here is that post.
OK, I got it all out. It is jumbled and confused, but I spit it out onto paper.
Man, on top of all this, I have a list a mile long of very important things to take care of for the kids, and for my book! Building a website, getting ready to reveal the name of the book and move the blog over to the book website. Investigating schools for my son who is going to move to a new high school next year. Signing up for camps, paying for camps. It is very stressful this summer regarding money with three in sleep-away camp. It gets to about 9 months of mortgage payments! And I don't work. It is so important for us to give the kids these experiences for the summers, and this camp is awesome. It is part of our value system. Having them stay around the house without a particular daily goal is a terrible way for a kid to spend the summer in a city.
Shifra needs braces, and that is another big chunk-o-change. So many things on my shoulders... lists getting longer by the day.
I will go on, one day at a time, and Robert will, also, fighting his own exhaustion constantly.
I need to go to sleep.
Please forgive me for a confusing, complicated post. I just had to get it out there, to work out my own thoughts and worries.
Will I ever be out of pain?
Is that a goal Hashem wants me to build upon?
Will I ever be out of pain? Ever get off the narcotics?
One Day At A Time. I pray the answers will come to me clearly.
______________________________________________________________________________
And while we are talking about praying, please pray, with all your soul and being, for the safe return of the three Israeli boys who were kidnapped over a week ago. Their names are:
Left hip is the one that has the scarring from NF, and from the PVNS disease. PVNS is a disease that has a 50/50% chance of returning after the tumors have been removed. My surgery to remove the tumor was in 2009, and I summed up the entire story of finally getting the diagnosis of PVNS here. The latter one brought back many memories of the year it took me to convince any doctor that something really is wrong in my hip. Nobody believed me. PVNS is a very rare disease, nobody knew what they were looking at with my MRI.
So, my point in mentioning this all is that recently, like starting about a week before my scheduled right hip surgery (not-PVNS), the left hip started acting up. There were a few days that it hurt more than the right one.
The left hip needs an orthopedic oncologist for that disease, and my doctor for the right hip is a highly specialized hip/shoulder sports orthopedist. I know, it's crazy to have a different doctor for each hip, but here it is.
I haven't had an MRI for the left hip, to check if the PVNS is returning, in a long time. I have to try to check when, but it's been about a year. I am supposed to have one every 6 months, but it seems we dropped the ball on that one since the right hip got bad.
So, this led me to wonder if I should get an MRI on the left hip before I go ahead with the right hip surgery? It is mind-boggling. Completely. PVNS is more dangerous than the hip impingement/labrum tear I have in the right hip.
I am just *sooooo* confused. After the right hip surgery last week went down the way it did, in the back of my head I wondered if I would ever actually have a chance to get my right hip fixed. I felt like it will never happen. I need to see an allergist (just got the referral for that today, I need to make an appointment), then an infectious disease doctor. I'd need that with any surgery I have to do. There is no real reason why it will never happen, but my head jumped to the illogical conclusion that the surgery will not ever happen. Something in me felt like it *knew* that to be a fact.
As far as timing, yes, it could still be done this summer. But, I am fully planning on going to America in the beginning of September to go to a writer's conference headed by my mentor for my book writing. At the same time, of course, taking the opportunity to see my parents. I can't make that trip on crutches. I mean I could, but I don't plan on it. Way too hard. If the surgery is postponed for more than the middle of July, I have to wait until I return from that trip. Then of course, I get into the territory of Shifra's BatMitzvah, in November 2014.
What if the PVNS is returning, though (God forbid)? If I go through right hip surgery, then need left hip to deal with PVNS, that is a bad scenario. Maybe that is why my surgeon (the one who aborted last week's surgery because of the antibiotic reaction), at first, told me he does not want to go into either hip, unless it is PVNS. He does not want to operate on me because of my whole background. He tried to talk me out of getting my right hip fixed, but told me he would do it if I chose to. I have so much pain from it, that I made that choice to fix it, and he supports my choice.
Now, should I follow my tiny but nagging voice that tells me to get an MRI for my left leg before I reschedule for the right? That could hold things up for quite some time. It can take months to get an MRI date. On the other hand, I could possibly schedule the right hip impingement surgery for sooner if I weren't waiting for an MRI. Or, maybe I could call every hospital in Israel that has an MRI machine and try to get a close appointment. But first I have to get in touch with orthopedic oncology to see if I can get a referral for an MRI without coming in for a check-up, or if I'd need an appointment there first (another thing that could take months).
You see where I am going with this?
It is so murky... I am so confused.
Was the surgery cancelled so I could get some perspective here regarding the importance of keeping tabs on the PVNS disease? Obviously it was canceled for the plain reason that I need allergy testing for antibiotics. I need that no matter what, and, frankly, I am relieved that we will finally know what I am and am not allergic to. Every time I need an antibiotic it seems like a shot-in-the-dark.
But the fact that pain has gotten more intense in the left leg makes me sort of raise an eyebrow (I could never do that with just one eyebrow. My daughter Shifra can, though! It's hysterical).
Basically I feel so lost about how to go about improving my pain. That's *all* I want. To get relief from pain. The underlying force to my every waking daytime hour revolves around pain.
Since the day of the first surgery which led to the NF, I have not had more than two or three days in a row with no pain. Narcotic pain medicine has been my constant companion for 6 years. It started around the time after I had the PVNS surgery, followed shortly thereafter by the appendicitis. Here is that post.
OK, I got it all out. It is jumbled and confused, but I spit it out onto paper.
Man, on top of all this, I have a list a mile long of very important things to take care of for the kids, and for my book! Building a website, getting ready to reveal the name of the book and move the blog over to the book website. Investigating schools for my son who is going to move to a new high school next year. Signing up for camps, paying for camps. It is very stressful this summer regarding money with three in sleep-away camp. It gets to about 9 months of mortgage payments! And I don't work. It is so important for us to give the kids these experiences for the summers, and this camp is awesome. It is part of our value system. Having them stay around the house without a particular daily goal is a terrible way for a kid to spend the summer in a city.
Shifra needs braces, and that is another big chunk-o-change. So many things on my shoulders... lists getting longer by the day.
I will go on, one day at a time, and Robert will, also, fighting his own exhaustion constantly.
I need to go to sleep.
Please forgive me for a confusing, complicated post. I just had to get it out there, to work out my own thoughts and worries.
Will I ever be out of pain?
Is that a goal Hashem wants me to build upon?
Will I ever be out of pain? Ever get off the narcotics?
One Day At A Time. I pray the answers will come to me clearly.
______________________________________________________________________________
And while we are talking about praying, please pray, with all your soul and being, for the safe return of the three Israeli boys who were kidnapped over a week ago. Their names are:
Yaakov Naftali ben Rachel Devorah
Gilad Michael ben Bat Galim
Eyal ben Iris Teshura
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Mania cannot cloud the Real Purpose of life.
Gardening, cleaning, laundry, painting walls, hanging pictures, hand laundry, mending clothes, cooking, shopping for children's and household needs, and endless organizing.
Trying to control outside because I feel so chaotic inside.
Even though my mistake of when the surgery was supposed to be, bought me a few more weeks, it didn't help calm my nerves. I mean, anyone going in for surgery would be nervous. But, me? Just imagine. Actually, you can't. Nobody can imagine anyone else's emotions. In my case, though, I feel even more removed from most people's experiences because most people haven't had any of my experiences.
Sometimes, when I am walking on a leg so sore that each step becomes a concious decision, or when I crawl into bed at night with a pelvis hurting so much that I can hardly move, I am grateful that I decided to do the surgery and fix what can be fixed in there. Our electrician recently had shoulder surgery. He came the other day to do a job for us, and I asked hom how his shoulder is. He responded that it is great. No pain, working well. He asked me why I seemed surprised... he said "you do surgeries to fix things that hurt, then they don't hurt anymore". "True", I said to him (he doesn't know my story). "Yeah", I said to myself, "keep that message as truth". Surgeries are to fix things, and one can come out with less pain and the problem fixed. That is the goal.
It is just scary when one shoots for the goal, and misses. I know of so many stories, and so do you (well, you know my story, and I'm sure others as well).
So, the "mania" of doingdoingdoingdoing things, ending up over exhausted and in pain, unable to sleep until 2 or 3 am is what has been happening these past few weeks. Yesterday I had a low-level migraine, and my babysitter did, too! She didn't come, and I had a frenetic, frustrating day with driving, shopping, and kids. Each of those three things challenged me to the frustrating maximum. By the end of the day, with my body, also, challenging me in many more ways than pain, I had *nothing* to give to my last child to go to bed. Thankfully by then Robert was home, and he took over getting her to bed.
There was one completely awesome, Godly moment that happened yesterday that I hold in my heart as the reason yesterday was hard. I had the opportunity to do a REAL "tikkun", which is Hebrew for the concept of fixing the wrongs of history. History can, and does, repeat itself. That is true of parenting, also. Yesterday, I got the gift of fixing my own history. I was thrown into an exact replica of what I experienced... exact... and I got to fix it. And I did. And therein lies hope. (The concepts of tikkun and faith are THE central themes in my book, weaving understanding, sense and wit throughout my story of medical trauma).
Maybe that's why I got the gift of rest today. I am quite sure that Tikun Olam, the concept of correcting the world, *is* why I was thrown into this chaotic and traumatic road of being a survivor of NF. It has been an invitation.
Yesterday I got sucked into a traumatic day, and was given the gift of doing a tikun with one of my children.
Today I got to rest. The Maker of the Universe gave me a day off (Robert was supposed to be out-of-town today, it got canceled, and my babysitter already told me she couldn't come...). Is it because of recognising the importance of snatching the moment to do a tikkun? Maybe. I know that that moment yesterday, when I decided to apologize to my son and tell him about this tikkun, it was when things turned around. He loostened up, and it was a relief.
I connected with God yesterday, and I did His work. *That* was yesterday's purpose, and through all the frenetic frustrations the day carried, nothing else matters except that tikkun.
Trying to control outside because I feel so chaotic inside.
Even though my mistake of when the surgery was supposed to be, bought me a few more weeks, it didn't help calm my nerves. I mean, anyone going in for surgery would be nervous. But, me? Just imagine. Actually, you can't. Nobody can imagine anyone else's emotions. In my case, though, I feel even more removed from most people's experiences because most people haven't had any of my experiences.
Sometimes, when I am walking on a leg so sore that each step becomes a concious decision, or when I crawl into bed at night with a pelvis hurting so much that I can hardly move, I am grateful that I decided to do the surgery and fix what can be fixed in there. Our electrician recently had shoulder surgery. He came the other day to do a job for us, and I asked hom how his shoulder is. He responded that it is great. No pain, working well. He asked me why I seemed surprised... he said "you do surgeries to fix things that hurt, then they don't hurt anymore". "True", I said to him (he doesn't know my story). "Yeah", I said to myself, "keep that message as truth". Surgeries are to fix things, and one can come out with less pain and the problem fixed. That is the goal.
It is just scary when one shoots for the goal, and misses. I know of so many stories, and so do you (well, you know my story, and I'm sure others as well).
So, the "mania" of doingdoingdoingdoing things, ending up over exhausted and in pain, unable to sleep until 2 or 3 am is what has been happening these past few weeks. Yesterday I had a low-level migraine, and my babysitter did, too! She didn't come, and I had a frenetic, frustrating day with driving, shopping, and kids. Each of those three things challenged me to the frustrating maximum. By the end of the day, with my body, also, challenging me in many more ways than pain, I had *nothing* to give to my last child to go to bed. Thankfully by then Robert was home, and he took over getting her to bed.
There was one completely awesome, Godly moment that happened yesterday that I hold in my heart as the reason yesterday was hard. I had the opportunity to do a REAL "tikkun", which is Hebrew for the concept of fixing the wrongs of history. History can, and does, repeat itself. That is true of parenting, also. Yesterday, I got the gift of fixing my own history. I was thrown into an exact replica of what I experienced... exact... and I got to fix it. And I did. And therein lies hope. (The concepts of tikkun and faith are THE central themes in my book, weaving understanding, sense and wit throughout my story of medical trauma).
Maybe that's why I got the gift of rest today. I am quite sure that Tikun Olam, the concept of correcting the world, *is* why I was thrown into this chaotic and traumatic road of being a survivor of NF. It has been an invitation.
Yesterday I got sucked into a traumatic day, and was given the gift of doing a tikun with one of my children.
Today I got to rest. The Maker of the Universe gave me a day off (Robert was supposed to be out-of-town today, it got canceled, and my babysitter already told me she couldn't come...). Is it because of recognising the importance of snatching the moment to do a tikkun? Maybe. I know that that moment yesterday, when I decided to apologize to my son and tell him about this tikkun, it was when things turned around. He loostened up, and it was a relief.
I connected with God yesterday, and I did His work. *That* was yesterday's purpose, and through all the frenetic frustrations the day carried, nothing else matters except that tikkun.
Thank God.
Monday, June 9, 2014
new date for surgery
It's gonna be the 17th. I just needed more time. Surprisingly enough, I found that I wasn't ready to go in tomorrow (9th). I just needed more time to finish off some loose ends. I and also decided that I will be at Shifra's dance recital. As for Ya'akov's graduation, either Robert will leave the hospital to skip down to Be'er Sheva from Tel Aviv, or we will gratefully accept the offer from my BIL and SIL to come to Be'er Sheva and be with Ya'akov. It may be, also, that Robert will go be with Ya'akov and my SIL may be with me at the hospital. The surgery is scheduled for 10:30 ish, so by 5:00pm when Robert may have to leave, I should be stable and able to have someone else with me to be my go-between for whatever needs come up.
I just wanted to deliver the information about which date I chose.
I now see why it is a perfect time for me to do it on the 17h. I am relieved, and as I said, I have that vision now as to why it went this way. It's all good.
I go in to the hospital on the 16th to get antibiotics, surgery on the 17th, home on the 18th late afternoon/evening.
That's the plan, Stan.
I'll write more later. Just wanted to shoot out a short one.
I just wanted to deliver the information about which date I chose.
I now see why it is a perfect time for me to do it on the 17h. I am relieved, and as I said, I have that vision now as to why it went this way. It's all good.
I go in to the hospital on the 16th to get antibiotics, surgery on the 17th, home on the 18th late afternoon/evening.
That's the plan, Stan.
I'll write more later. Just wanted to shoot out a short one.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Let Go and Let God- the Mediterranean ocean today
So much nice life has happened since I had the opportunity not to have surgery last week. We had a beautiful holiday together (Shavuot), and I even walked late at night to go to Torah classes. I also got to shul the next morning... all by foot. Baruch Hashem. Everything can be turned around as a blessing in disguise. I truly believe that... everything.
Today we spent some awesome time at the beach! We (just me with Shifra and Azriel) went to meet up with friends who were already there. See?
Today we spent some awesome time at the beach! We (just me with Shifra and Azriel) went to meet up with friends who were already there. See?
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| From Left to right: 3-year-old Sar'El Quinn, Azriel, 8-year-old Adiyah Quinn, and Shifra (strike a pose). |
 |
| playing ball on the beach |
 |
| selfie. :)
The secretary of the orthopedic department called me today, offering me an earlier surgery date because someone cancelled.
I thought about it for a few seconds, then took it. I still want earlier rather than later, taking into account that I want to be healed fairly well to do family outings in August. Together with that, the date of the 17th (did I tell you that is the new date?) happens to be Ya'akov's graduation from junior high ceremony. Not good timing. He'd be very sad if one of us wasn't there. So, I took the 10th. A few seconds after that, Robert reminded me about Shifra's dance recital. That is the 12th. She has been talking about it non-stop, and would quite likely crumble into a heap of dust of I told her I won't be there (the hospital said it's a two night stay, not one.) Graduation or dance recital? Sarah's choice. Well, it wasn't actually a hard choice (yes, it is, Sarah)... Shifra really really wants me at the recital, and the graduation isn't so important to Ya'akov... except that I know it is. I did wind up calling the secretary back to restore the later date of the 17th. I am not at peace with it, but neither one is a great choice. So, as I already said that all disappointments are a blessing in disguise, I have to have faith that I am doing the right thing. Ya'akov's graduation is exactly *on* the 17th, the day of surgery. I can't imagine waking up from surgery and not having Robert there, even if a close friend took his place. I need him there. Well, "need"... I know I'd get by without him as long as a close friend was there, but he's my husband. You know what I mean, right? But I feel awful about keeping him from Ya'akov's graduation. So what, nobody will be with Ya'akov? Or a stand-in will be with him? Neither scenario works well. Hmmmmm, now I am thinking of taking the date of the 10th again (if it is still available). Shifra's recital is one day after I'd get home from surgery. That is insane for me to go out of the house, wheelchair or not. I don't want to risk infection. I know that in the scheme of life, each kid would get over their disappointments, and build character through it, but I don't want to disappoint them for either of these things. There are enough character building experiences in life. I want to build them up, and I have to disappoint them time and time again because of my health, since I got NF.
Mothering the kids through all this makes them different. They know what their mother has been through, and it's not easy for them to accept my limitations. Each kid has their own way of dealing with it, but it has been a very rough road for them. My book will go into detail about this, of course.I mean, this is not, by far, the first time they would be let down because I am sick, or recovering from surgery. There is a long line of disappointments. I know every kid (and every person, for that matter) has to deal with disappointments, but that knowledge doesn't make me feel any better. It happens very often for them. I also know that I do so much great stuff for and with them, and I am not discounting that. (For example, refer to above pictures. I am presently in heavy pain for being at the beach.... but I did it for them, and for me. I *need* the beach sometimes. It's where I "let go and let God". I spent a lot of time in the water today, which was awesome, but the strong Mediterranean undertow and high waves made my hips and whole body work hard while I was thrashed around, playing with the kids. It hurts so. much. now.
Entire thigh joint and pelvis, both sides equally, that is how bad it is. It is actually getting worse as the evening continues. Tonight, I'll only be able to sleep after taking a sleeping pill. Too much pain to fall asleep naturally.)I keep going back and forth with this decision (which there may not even be, if the earlier date was given away already). I just gotta use my faith here to guide me.If the surgery *was* on the 10th, and Shif's recital is on the 12th, Robert could go to the recital. *But*, if the surgery is on the 17th, there is [almost] no way for Robert to be at Ya'akov's school graduation. So, are we going for the 10th now?I'll sleep on it. If I can sleep, that is. I hurt so much, each tiny movement in bed catches my breath because of the searing pain. Next time I go to the beach, I should stay at the shallow place where the ocean starts. But that is so hard for me, I LOVE going out to the waves! Maybe after this surgery, I will again be able to have a day at the beach and not be in agony afterward. And so we pray.
Please God the pain and inflammation will be better tomorrow, and we'll have a nice Shabbat together. I hope to make it out to go to friend's for Shabbat lunch.
Shabbat Shalom!
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Sunday, June 1, 2014
Man plans, God laughs... surgery update
It just goes to show, you never trust machines to run your life. Always talk to people about the important things.
A month ago or so (5 weeks, maybe?), I had the conversation with my orthopedist, making the decision to go through with the surgery. He said that the hospital will chose the date, and I should get a confirmation in the mail, and/or by phone.
OK. So, a few weeks later, having not heard anything from the hospital, I called them. I followed the prompts through the electronic menu, gave my ID number, and heard the date for the surgery.
It said "טרום הרדמה וניתוח". I wrote it in Hebrew because I want all Hebrew readers to see how I could make the mistake I made. It says, in English, "pre-anesthesia and surgery" (pre-op).
There is a missing preposition. That would be "טרום הרדמה ו-טרום-ניתוח", meaning pre-anesthesia and pre-surgery. Instead, I understood that they were doing the pre-surgical check-up on the same day as the actual surgery. How convenient, I thought! Instead, one is supposed to understand the language without the missing preposition, that the recording is referring to the genre of pre-anesthesia and pre-surgical checks. I think it is one department which is called "pre-anesthesia and surgical" department. In Soroka it is clearly called "טרום ניתוח" (pre-surgical), which is pretty hard to mistake for the true surgery appointment.
So, how did we find this out, you ask? I was going to go there tomorrow (after having organized everything to the enth degree) with my bag packed, expecting surgery.
All of Shabbat Robert was sick with a fever and extreme fatigue.
Last night, I got the fever as well. It was pretty high, actually. I felt *awful*. So, this morning, Robert, feeling a bit better (but me not so much), called the ward to see what we should do in the event of me still running a fever on the day of surgery. I assumed it would mean the surgery is put off for a healthier day.
The secretary said that I am not scheduled for surgery tomorrow. Oh, and she also said, by the way, my doctor never operates on Mondays. The appointment tomorrow is just the pre-surgical testing. These tests can be preformed even if I am not feeling 100%, no problem, but if we need to cancel, call in the morning.
In one fell swoop, my entire geshtalt leading up to June 2nd is blown to the wind.
Thing is, even before Robert called the hospital this morning, I already was getting into the mindset that it quite likely will be postponed because of this flu-or-whatever fever thing I have.
Know what, though? About three weeks ago I received in the mail a large envelope from the hospital with paperwork I'd need for the surgery, lists of the necessary tests, and even a detailed description of my surgery, including real-life pictures from an arthroscopic camera, of what I am to expect.
I read that material very carefully, and thoroughly, and nowhere does it say that June 2nd is only the pre-surgical tests, not the surgery. It just looks like what it is, a list of tests to do and an explanation of the surgery. I don't feel too dumb about this, it all was pretty misleading.
So tomorrow, unless I still have the fever, I'll go to the pre-surgical appointment in Tel Aviv, have the tests, and find out when the surgery will be. That is, hopefully I'll find out when the surgery willl be. I've waited a long time.
It's a shame, it was [seemingly] good timing. It would have been a good amount of recovery time so I'd be good to go when the kids were finished with camp. Then we could go out and do summer trips together. Also, I (alone) am hoping to go to the US at the beginning of September. There is a writing conference that I am hoping to be at, and combining it with a visit to my parents, of course.
Now, again, it's all up in the air. Oh, and the interesting "coincidence" of coming home after surgery on the day of the start of Shavuot, like it was after NF, isn't part of the picture anymore. It did get me to think about it, though, and how I could turn that day into a day of "tikun" (repair) anyway, and that is always good.
Will I know the surgery date after my pre-surgery appointment tomorrow?
Will it be at a good time?
How much longer will I have such constant pain in my hip?
Yes, I'm disappointed. I am working on turning it around to faith, where knowing that every postponement is for the best (there is a Hebrew saying about that- "כל דחייה לטובה"). Stay tuned....
Meanwhile, as I have a desire to share pictures with every blog, here are a few pictures of what wild-life has been going on around here recently:
A month ago or so (5 weeks, maybe?), I had the conversation with my orthopedist, making the decision to go through with the surgery. He said that the hospital will chose the date, and I should get a confirmation in the mail, and/or by phone.
OK. So, a few weeks later, having not heard anything from the hospital, I called them. I followed the prompts through the electronic menu, gave my ID number, and heard the date for the surgery.
It said "טרום הרדמה וניתוח". I wrote it in Hebrew because I want all Hebrew readers to see how I could make the mistake I made. It says, in English, "pre-anesthesia and surgery" (pre-op).
There is a missing preposition. That would be "טרום הרדמה ו-טרום-ניתוח", meaning pre-anesthesia and pre-surgery. Instead, I understood that they were doing the pre-surgical check-up on the same day as the actual surgery. How convenient, I thought! Instead, one is supposed to understand the language without the missing preposition, that the recording is referring to the genre of pre-anesthesia and pre-surgical checks. I think it is one department which is called "pre-anesthesia and surgical" department. In Soroka it is clearly called "טרום ניתוח" (pre-surgical), which is pretty hard to mistake for the true surgery appointment.
So, how did we find this out, you ask? I was going to go there tomorrow (after having organized everything to the enth degree) with my bag packed, expecting surgery.
All of Shabbat Robert was sick with a fever and extreme fatigue.
Last night, I got the fever as well. It was pretty high, actually. I felt *awful*. So, this morning, Robert, feeling a bit better (but me not so much), called the ward to see what we should do in the event of me still running a fever on the day of surgery. I assumed it would mean the surgery is put off for a healthier day.
The secretary said that I am not scheduled for surgery tomorrow. Oh, and she also said, by the way, my doctor never operates on Mondays. The appointment tomorrow is just the pre-surgical testing. These tests can be preformed even if I am not feeling 100%, no problem, but if we need to cancel, call in the morning.
In one fell swoop, my entire geshtalt leading up to June 2nd is blown to the wind.
Thing is, even before Robert called the hospital this morning, I already was getting into the mindset that it quite likely will be postponed because of this flu-or-whatever fever thing I have.
Know what, though? About three weeks ago I received in the mail a large envelope from the hospital with paperwork I'd need for the surgery, lists of the necessary tests, and even a detailed description of my surgery, including real-life pictures from an arthroscopic camera, of what I am to expect.
I read that material very carefully, and thoroughly, and nowhere does it say that June 2nd is only the pre-surgical tests, not the surgery. It just looks like what it is, a list of tests to do and an explanation of the surgery. I don't feel too dumb about this, it all was pretty misleading.
So tomorrow, unless I still have the fever, I'll go to the pre-surgical appointment in Tel Aviv, have the tests, and find out when the surgery will be. That is, hopefully I'll find out when the surgery willl be. I've waited a long time.
It's a shame, it was [seemingly] good timing. It would have been a good amount of recovery time so I'd be good to go when the kids were finished with camp. Then we could go out and do summer trips together. Also, I (alone) am hoping to go to the US at the beginning of September. There is a writing conference that I am hoping to be at, and combining it with a visit to my parents, of course.
Now, again, it's all up in the air. Oh, and the interesting "coincidence" of coming home after surgery on the day of the start of Shavuot, like it was after NF, isn't part of the picture anymore. It did get me to think about it, though, and how I could turn that day into a day of "tikun" (repair) anyway, and that is always good.
Will I know the surgery date after my pre-surgery appointment tomorrow?
Will it be at a good time?
How much longer will I have such constant pain in my hip?
Yes, I'm disappointed. I am working on turning it around to faith, where knowing that every postponement is for the best (there is a Hebrew saying about that- "כל דחייה לטובה"). Stay tuned....
Meanwhile, as I have a desire to share pictures with every blog, here are a few pictures of what wild-life has been going on around here recently:
BUNNIES!
Black ones, white ones, tan ones!
(now, along with our six human souls in the house, we have: 5 fish in three tanks, three rabbits, and a very patient dog. :)
 |
| Azriel's rabbit, named "Oreo" because he is all black with white paws. |
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| Shifra's rabbit, all white, named "Snow White", or for short, "Snowy". |
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| Ya'akov's bunny, shades of browns, named Sandy. |
The pet shop owner was quite sure when he proclaimed them all female.
I will sue him if he is wrong.
At least there is lots of hopping around this house, even if I am not the one doing it. :)
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