Thus spoke The Lord to His servant, Sarah; And she was ready to hear it.

Wow- when the Creator Of The Universe wants you to get a message, He makes sure it is loud & clear. I am now getting direct messages from Gd Himself. It's as if I'm at Har Sinai. After getting slammed on the head with a cinder block sooo many times, I am finally getting it. *Both* my careers are being tampered with, and I gracefully am backing away from work. A hard blow, but also a relief. I finally got my answer from Gd about weather or not I should work. It's a valuable message for me on this, the holiday of Shavuot, when the people of Israel received the holy Torah.

The stage is set for two scenarios:

I have had a few clients in the past few months, just for my birth preparation course (each course is 4 meetings, totalling about 12-14 hours). The most recent couple requested that I be their doula as well. The woman is a friend from the orchestra, so it is more personal. I committed to them, telling them that the day of my biopsy and the day after I am not available, but I will provide a back-up for them. I had the back-up all set. What happened was that her doctor said she'd need a cesarean because of a "big baby" (I have a tirade about that, but it's not for here... it's what I call an "unnecesarian"). She and her husband decided to wait until the following Sunday (a week after their doctor's suggestion) to get into natural labor if it happens, and if not, they will go ahead with the elective cesarean. I counselled them regarding natural labor induction techniques, to try to have the baby before their chosen deadline. She did it all- 3 sessions of induction reflexology, and a whole round of castor oil which is also commonly used for out-of-hospital inductions. Nothing- no contractions at all. BUMMER. So, after being on call for her 24/7, including Shabbat, she went in for her elective cesarean on Sunday, exactly as planned. So, I wasn't needed at the birth. (I offered to accompany her with the cesarean before & after, but she said it wasn't necessary).

That was one message- for whatever reason, I wasn't supposed to do that birth, although I tried. I was, at the same time, nervous about having excessive pain myself while trying to be there for her, and still wanting to be at her birth.

Next scenario: the concert I was hired to play next week In Tel Aviv. I called my partner in the orchestra this evening, while I was practicing, to ask him to take the music out for me. He got confused... he wasn't sure if I was playing next week or not... he needs to make a few calls.... did we agree on these dates? ... he reserved the concert dates with me?... He was confused and needed to check... He'll call me back...

He called a half hour later to tell me there has been a mistake, he is a million times sorry. The conductor had hired someone else for this particular concert, and my partner forgot that he had hired me for it. My partner called the conductor, and got the final word that it will be this other person, and not me for this concert. He emphasized that indeed he *does* want me to play with them, and he highly respects my playing, but in this particular instance, it is out of his hands, and he messed up.

That has *never* happened to me with an orchestra- you get hired to play, and you show up. It would've been embarassing for them if I hadn't by chance called to get the music, and just showed up as I was hired to. Anyway, that is the story.

Twice I had full intention and committment to work, and twice there were circumstances out of my control that made it not happen. In both careers! I am bummed more about not playing; I was really enjoying practicing, and getting back into the world of music again. I know they will invite me again, but I am talking about what is going on with me now.

I conceed that these committments would have been challenging in their own ways with my pain situation. Taking Percocet regularly doesn't lend itself to being "on top of your game". But, I intuitively felt up to it. On the other hand, the Tel Aviv concert was going to be the night after Robert & I are going to a wedding in Tel Aviv. I was thinking of staying overnight with a friend, or travelling twice, I wasn't sure. Sleeping somewhere else creates sleeping problems with my discomfort in other beds. It could've been a really hard night. Or, travelling two days in a row would also have wiped me out, and for sure been very painful. Also my ear is still bothering me, and I feel it wouldn't take much to tip the scales to make me weak and more vulnerable to illness. [yes, I am going to call my ENT tomorrow. I ran into him by chance today and talked to him about it. He stressed to me to come in and we'll deal with it. Yea, I ran into him by chance...]

So, at Gd's bidding, I concede to my health and well being, and won't make any more big committments. I have a rare and painful joint condition with my hip. Taking care of that is my job for a while. Makes me sad, but also relieved in a way, you know?

Oh, and today in the mail finally came the approval for my handicapped parking tag. Sometimes Gd speaks so LOUDLY!!