The good, the less good, and the confusing

The good stuff:
*I am feeling better.
*Starting to get a little appetite back- the probiotics are really helping. No more nausea, finaly.
*Started physiotherapy today
*Ate a wonderful trout which I grilled myself today

Wow- I want to write more good stuff. When you want to write good stuff, and things aren't coming to mind, it's good to say that:

*I got another day to live today.

The less good stuff:
*PTSD is coming around again (I apparently don't do well with unplanned, emergency surgery)
*I am going to need a lot more time before my body is right; no shortcuts. (but actually, can I skip this? Some people would, right?)
*PT hurt so much. I cried. There were hooks and belts hung around my leg. It'll be twice a week at the PT place, and every day at home. The physical thrapist told me it will get easier.
*My leg doesn't straighten out flat. (I sleep with a pillow under my knees). She pushed my knee down to lie flat, and it hurt... a lot. My ligament and muscle are short. Lots of work to do. My range of motion is still limited (even though it is better since the PVNS surgery), and she pushed that to the limit as well.
*Gapey hurts also, stretching all that scar tissue.
*Twice a week PT, once a week hydrotherapy (much more pleasant), once every two weeks lymphatic draining with Dorit. (all on the tab of kupat cholim, thankfully)

Confusing things that I can't figure out in which category to put them:
*I want to write my book, I want(ed?) to do the reconstruction surgery, and I am getting calls for doula clients.
*My full-time job is this therapy stuff; rehabilitation, right? I didn't do much after I had the NF, and Prof Meller stresses that it is absolutely necessary now after the arthroscopy. The surgery is only half the "cure" for PVNS. I'll go back to see Meller on Dec. 1st, but I don't think I have much progress to share with him because of the appendicitis. PT- it is a luxury in one way- I mean I can walk, and drive [an automatic car], and get around short distances. I could skip it. I could skip all this stuff, it's a decision. But my experience since this whole thing started with the hernia surgery is that shortcuts often don't work out. So, if I'm committing to all this therapy for my hip and leg, I have to concentrate on it, and not work at my career.
*This whole "rehabilitation career" also includes the vitamin/herb regimen... blood tests... visits to Dr. Litman a half-hour drive away, same town as Dorit. Again, a choice.
*But I want to do births. And lovely pregnant women are calling me. The orchestra is also still calling me. And I'm not ready. Not physically, not emotionally. But I want to take them on.

One thing that just is, happening, is that Robert is going to the US to be with his Dad on Dec 2nd for two weeks. He must go, and I give him my blessings to go. His Dad needs him by his side, and Robert needs to be by his Dad's side.
But I am nervous.