Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Observations from a musician and a doula on Israeli Independence day

So my friend who recommended that doctor? I saw him today, and I told him what happened. He said "yeah, I forgot to tell you he is a jerk."
(Y'all going "oh, GEEZ!")
I am reminded of some conductors I've played with. It seems to me that the ones who really gave MUSIC to the orchestra; the ones who were exciting to play under, those were the ones who were more tyrannical. And the ones who were nice, and were helpful to the orchestra personnel, and had good player/conductor relations? They conducted like fish on their last breath. ZERO. No music to give. Just rules and empty, meaningless directions.
Seems doctors are the same way-- good ones with bad (tyrannical) bedside manners, mediocre ones who care about the relationship with the patient, and that the patient's needs are met.Don't know how true it is, but it was an interesting analogy for me.

Then someone else had another suggestion that I prepare a "resume" page of my medical history, and fax that to any new doctors before I talk with them. It's a good idea, in principle, but most likely it would not be looked at, and would not interest a doctor to invest anything in a patient he (or she) doesn't yet know.

I think I am going to go to my GP on Thursday and be more direct/confident telling her I need some help. Lets do the blood tests for other things-- Epstein Barr virus, and what-all-else, I don't know. *She* is supposed to know that. I am also going to suggest the possibility of a day in the hospital ("ishpuz yom") to have tests done and a picture put together of what may be going on with me.

Oh, and did I tell you I've been having chest pains, too?
It's probably nothing, and since I don't know what serious chest pains feel like, I am not taking this too seriously, but it is quite uncomfortable.

(reminds me of when my ladies call me to say they "think" they are having contractions, but since they never had them before, they aren't sure. I always ask some key questions, and we wind up with an "only time will tell" type of thing. That's the way it is here, too. But, with labor contractions, we want them to get stronger and harder, indicating real labor. That's how we know. Here, with chest pains, we don't want stronger and harder... that doesn't usually go to a good place.)

This all started about six weeks ago when I ran. I was teaching Shifra to ride a bike without training wheels, and I was running with holding onto her bike. After a short time of that, I became winded and having these muscular feeling chest pains. I kept up with the teaching her, though-- she was so eager, and she finally had gotten me to go with her to the open space at the park down the street. I ran a few more times, winded and all. Since then, I have been feeling that pain.
But my girlie knows how to ride now! She even gets fancy and takes one foot off the pedal sometimes, one hand off the handlebars, she's so cute! (yes, she wears a helmet).

I was downtown yesterday, and I saw a woman, probably about my age, running to catch a bus. I just started at her-- it looked so **easy**. Just, run! As I stared at her, I realized that I no longer remember what that freedom of body felt like.
I tell ya, don't take any of that stuff for granted.

Having said that, after the despair of yesterday, I recovered well, thank Gd. I went swimming this morning, which was good for me. Even if I don't do the maximum I like to do, it is always good for me.

Then came home and Robert & I whipped this place into shape for our annual Independence day bar-b-q, with the same close friends we've been doing this with for 11 years. (the holiday is called "Yom Ha'atzma'ut" in Hebrew, and it is similar to American July 4th celebrations.) It is in a different person's city each year, and this year we volunteered. There were upwards of 30 people today, and everyone brought BBQ fixins... salads galore, extra grills, lots-o-meat, and wonderful desserts. Many, Many more kids than adults, Hashem should bless each and every one of them. It was wonderful.
And I am *really* glad that Wednesdays is the day my cleaning man comes. :-)

What a bizarre life-- to go from the despair of yesterday to the recovery and happiness today. Pain and all.

I want to end with something that has been going through my head all day today, since I was at shul for the morning prayers (special for independence day) this morning:

Ani ma'amin b'emunah sh'leimah b'viat hamashiach, v'af al pi sh'yitmameah, im kol zeh achakeh lo b'chol yom sheyavo.
אֲנִי מַאֲמִין בֶּאֱמוּנָה שְׁלֵמָה בְּבִיאַת הַמָּשִֽׁיחַ, וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁיִּתְמַהְמֵֽהַּ, עִם כָּל זֶה אֲחַכֶּה לּוֹ בְּכָל יוֹם שֶׁיָּבוֹא.



I believe with complete faith in the coming of the Messiah, and even though he may linger, despite this I will wait for him each day that he may come.


Based on the twelfth of Rambam's thirteen principles of faith- sung in different modes depending on the context and occasion. 
The tune we use here in Israel is different than the haunting tune that many Jews sang as they were going into the gas chambers in the Holocaust. Here is a video clip of hundreds of Israeli soldiers singing it with the tune we use.
So that's what's been going through my head all day.
I believe with perfect faith.
Sometimes not so perfect, but deep down, it it is totally and completely... perfect.

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