Tuesday, September 6, 2011

No title-- too tired.

"There used to be a time that if I had more than one doctor's appointment for myself in a six month time period, I considered it an imposition."
-Deborah Masel, "Soul-to-Soul" (I am into this book right now)

I've been to many doctors in the past few weeks. I'm done for a while. I've had my follow-ups: with the kidney doctor, then Prof Meller, Dr. Z, and then to my family doctor to sum it all up and get what-all I needed to get from her (paperwork, lab results, blah, blah, blah).
I'm officially done with the appointments for a while. Oh, well there is the dermatologist next week; gapey is still not healed from the rash. Stubborn one.

I need a break.
I am exhausted.

I have another two weeks until the methadone weaning process is over, and I don't know what 'clinical trial' is next as far as pain relief ideas. (although regarding migraines, I have another medicine ready at hand to try when I need it next.)

It is very hard to be not sick but in pain. I mean, obviously, I am not saying that it'd be better to be sick, Gd forbid. I am saying that it is hard to play the "I am a stay-at-home-mom who can do it all" game. I have a leg that hurts with every step, with every sitting and rising. I tire easily; it's just my reality now.

I wish I could sometimes have the right (and the framework) to rest more. That is different from snatching rest time-- it is that I want someone else to do my driving around. Someone else to organize what the kids need with school and make sure they have it. Someone to bathe the little one when I am trying to help with homework and check heads for lice at the same time. Or better yet, check for the lice so *I* can bathe my little one. Someone to free me up to play with my kids.

...or to rest. I need to rest. It's been a really intense few weeks since we returned. We haven't had time to stop for a minute.

Oh, and Dov has grown out of all his pants except one pair.
Azriel has even outgrown his undies.
Many of Shifra's skirts are now above the legal knee limit has in her school.
Shifra has a nagging cough and intermittent ear ache since we were in the States, I have to take her to the pediatrician.

We need to buy a new car.
We need to organize the Bar Mitzvah and get invites out already.
I need to figure out what hours I can tear myself away from the kids afternoons to get a babysitter for me to write my book. (or not)

I am all that, and I need more rest than many people.

Good night, my eyes are closing as I type.

1 comment :

  1. wishing you a refua shlaima. when we don't feel well,(yeah, even the small stuff), it makes all our everyday things look so much bigger and harder. focus on yourself, use throw away dishes and cups so you dont have to stand and wash. maybe hire someone for a bit, even twice or 3 x a week to fold laundry, wash pots, sweeping etc. I know in beit shemesh the price is about 25 sh. an hr. this way you can focus, on taking care of your health, kids, hubby. maybe you just need this extra help till after the chagim. let us know what happens, rochel.