Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Sunday night blues


This is why 
I hardly slept 
on Sunday night.

 The little guy has sleep disturbances, and we did a sleep clinic for him. This is actually the second one. The first one, when he was about 4, pointed to snoring and breathing stoppages (apnea), and we followed recommendations to take out his adenoids.
Didn't help. He still slept all over the bed and snored. So, with another general anesthesia surgery, we had his tonsils taken out. (Looking for the post about that, I found a few, but this one is one week after his surgery, which I talk about in the middle of the post.)

After the tonsillectomy, Wazi still snored. I took him back to the ear, nose and throat doctor twice more, and he didn't find anything significant. We let it drop. He still snored, sometimes enough to wake his roommate (Ya'akov), but we didn't have a solution.

Right before I went to New York a month ago, Azriel wanted to sleep in bed with me because he was sad I was leaving. I was *stunned* at his breathing stoppages- they lasted far too long for my taste. I recorded them on my cell phone. He snored loudly, and I got terribly worried for him. I told myself that we *have* to do another sleep clinic when I get back.

After pressing the sleep clinic secretary for a close date (it is booked through to September), I finally got one. So that was this past Sunday night. Robert was overnight at his work (which is the standing plan every Sunday night), AND my babysitter flaked out and ***didn't come***, or even call. I was left wondering if I'll have a babysitter or not. It was nerve wracking, to say the least. I had a 5:00pm appointment with Dr Z (pain doctor-- write up of that in another post. It needs it's own page.), and no babysitter showed up. Neither she, nor her husband answered their phones. Turns out it was moving day for them and each of them left their phones behind. Nobody thought to find my number in directory listings and get someone else's phone. She completely flaked and just didn't show. I am still upset about it.

In the end I called a friend to send her daughter over to save me. Her daughter is 15 (I've known her since her birth), and Dov is 13. Funny. But, she was very helpful, and I got to my appointment quite late.

After that craziness and agitation, I had to come back and get Azriel ready for his sleep clinic (and myself) and get there by 8:30. I was already exhausted, mentally as much as physically.

We got to the clinic a bit late, but everything went OK with hooking him up. By the way, this was the third time I did a sleep clinic at Soroka; once with Dov at age 4, and two with Wazi.

Needless to say, neither of us got much sleep.
He didn't fade away until close to 10, and myself after 11. Then he woke in the middle of the night many times, and I didn't sleep deeply at all. Then they kick you out at 5am, so that was that. (results take a week to 10 days)

This is a long-winded way of saying that I am exhausted, and will need many nights of sleep to make up for it. I hope never to have to do that again with him or any other of my children.

Taking care of my children's needs, to which all four have such different ones, is such a challenge for me. My health needs are exhausting, and being a good mother takes everything out of me. I am out of surgery for three months, but not out of the woods.

And now I have to decide about another surgery. Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
 More on that next time- that will be writing about Monday's visit with Dr. Z (pain control doctor.)

I want only to be PRESENT to raise my kids.

It is so unfair that I got NF. 
I know there are blessings that came out of it- I try to remember those. 
I'd love it if you guys could tell me blessings that came out of your personal traumas.
(or out of mine-- reminders are always good)
I need support. 
I'm not in a great space lately.


  1. Love to you. I have two children and a full-time job. They are healthy and I'm healthy. I'm exhausted. I simply can't imagine doing it with the pain that you are in. I don't know how to support you right now, but wish I could. It is totally unfair that you got NF. Let's see- blessings that came out of my personal traumas? - I had messed up parents and a screwed up family life and I'm stronger for it - totally independent and determined to be the boss of my world. Perhaps that will become a blessing for you too.

    Anyhow, useless I'm sure, but love to you Sarah.


  2. Oh honey!
    That sounds YUCK!!!
    Who can be positive with no sleep?
    Breath breath sleep sleep sleep - then we'll talk thinking positive thoughts.

    I love you!