Tuesday, July 31, 2012

four consults and the taxes

I got news that the cupat cholim (health insurance/ HMO) did not grant the approval to pay for the appointment (this Thursday) at Ichilov hospital. The appointment is with Dr. Gur, the plastic surgeon who I have known for years, to consult about the reconstruction surgery.

Since I have been having lots of conversations with The Creator about helping me make the right decision, I thought this may be one way He is telling me to just not do the surgery, and make closure- elusive as it is- happen another way.

When we get obstacles, however, it is our obligation to try to overcome them and do the footwork necessary to obtain our goal. This effort, in the Jewish outlook (השקפה), is looked upon as essential before coming to any conclusion about what our Maker may want from us.

What I am saying, in simpler words, is to push hard to get what you want. If in the end it isn't meant to be, you will know it. You must exhaust every possibility before coming to a conclusion.

So, I appealed the decision about not covering this consult. I need it covered; not because I can't pay for the consult, but in the larger picture, if I *do* decide to have surgery done with Dr. Gur in Ichilov, it would not be covered if the consult wasn't covered.

I called the health clinic today and asked to speak with the director. He knows me, he used to be my doctor. In one quick conversation, he said that it was an oversight, and of course the consult will be covered.

OK, that was easy! Not too much effort.

*THEN*, another incredible thing happened...
I was granted yet another consult with an important doctor who I had given up on contacting. I had tried for over a month to get him- his phone, his secretary, his private practice... nowhere was there an answer, or even an opportunity to leave a message. I was completely bewildered, then convinced that I should give up on him because of this.

However, this doctor was a very important cog in the wheel, so to speak. I didn't want to give up on reaching him. I am talking about the head of plastic surgery in Soroka, Prof. Rosenberg. I had seen him many times. The last time I saw him was just over two years ago to discuss the reconstruction. He then advised me to get the mesh put in first, and to come back afterward. I didn't come back, too many things came in the way. First of all, it took me close to a year to recover fully from that surgery, it was such a rough one. I was "gun-shy" to jump into another one. Then the issues with my hip arose, and that pain won. It got the attention. It screamed the loudest.

Now I am revisiting the reconstruction, and I couldn't reach him. That is also why I went to the other Soroka doctor (devil/angel story), because I couldn't find Prof. Rosenberg.

Well, this morning while trying to deal with some issue with my new "smart phone" (which seems to be smarter than I am, actually), my finger accidentally swiped over some name and it started spontaneously calling that number. I quickly went to end the call, and then I noticed it was to Prof. Rosenberg. I had canceled the call, but then had one of those "what the heck, got nothing to lose" moments, and called back.

He answered on the third ring. I was kinda shocked, I didn't expect to hear anyone answer, like usual.

Turns out that he remembers me, and he invited me to come in tomorrow afternoon (Tuesday) to see him. Just like that.

The universe works in unique and mysterious ways.

So I have two consults, both paid for. That will make a total of four. At the end of this I am going to make a neat list of pros and cons of each doctor and see where we stand.

Then, of course, after talking to a good friend today, she is worried about me doing any procedures voluntarily, and now I am all self-conscious about it.

I am still confused as to whether or not this is the right thing to do! Even *with* the universe working in my favor.

I know there are medical gains here, but it is all so confusing.
Dr. Rath, the other day, suggested I consult with an orthopedist who does transplants-- as in hip transplants. He, himself doesn't do them, and he couldn't answer the question about whether a replacement can be done with the skin graft the way it is, or is it a good idea to close it all up so that if/when I may need a new hip, it could be done without me going through reconstruction first. (that would make waiting for a hip replacement another two years, when I would desperately need it).
So now I have a completely new doctor to call and meet to ask this question. Of course all the history has to be dredged up... again. Joy.

You know, the 'medical life' is one which is consumed with constantly needing to take care of things that other 'non-medical life' people never have to deal with. It sort of takes on a life of it's own. It is always something, such that taking care of the "normal" stuff that most people are busy with all their days often has to go on a back burner. The medical stuff is now-- dealing with/reacting to what the pain is demanding of me today, medicines all throughout the day, appointments- endless appointments, calls, driving, traveling to appointments, waiting in waiting rooms, emotional stress after these appointments which takes you away from life, the need for more sleep than most, higher rate of depression, difficulty in planning family outings, stress on the entire family... and the list is endless.

The other day, Robert got a bit upset with me because we got a notification that my taxes are overdue. It became clear that I hadn't done them in... years. Of course, I have barely worked at all in years, but I still have to file because I am an independent business (doula practice, music freelancing). He got upset that I was clueless that I was supposed to be taking care of it all this time.

I said to him that I can barely keep up with having my bowels continue to work (because of the narcotic meds), and I am supposed to have taxes in mind for a job I can't even work?

And so it goes.
I am exhausted.


  1. You are so right, this life sounds exhausting... How do they say? what doesn't kill you makes you fat...
    Pls don't go alone to the appointments, u need a clear ear taking notes.

  2. It's amazing how much time some things can consume. Just take it one day at a time and get through the appts and the taxes. Don't you wish you could have one appt with all the doctor's at once? Tell the story once. They could talk to each other and hear each others' answers and discuss it amongst themselves and you. It would save you all time.