Wednesday, February 6, 2013

When finished isn't finished.

Yesterday, I heard from a doctor we know . He suggested that perhaps the whole family should be treated for strep, even if people are asymptomatic. He told us that it happened in his in-law's family that they kept passing strep from one to another, and everyone was a carrier, but usually asymptomatic. They solved the problem by having everyone treated with antibiotics all at once.

Today Dov (14 y.o.) woke up not feeling well. Weak, slight fever, general sickly feeling. Robert went out and bought a home strep test, and it came up with a very faint pink line, but a line none-the-less. Positive for strep.

I had woken up and still felt dizzy and wanted to return to bed. Instead of that, though, we worked on the invitations to the BarMitzvah. But since Robert was on his way to work, I took Dov to the doctor myself. I didn't feel well myself, but I needed to get him on antibiotics ASAP. Mission accomplished. I did learn, though, that my pediatrician doesn't believe in treating asymptomatic people with antibiotics. She said regardless of my history, as a principle, she wouldn't do it. Regardless of my history? Really? Thanks a lot.
Well, we can override her opinion, if we decide to.

Then, while Shifra was changing into her ballet clothes, she showed me a red patch on her shoulder which she said "kinda hurts". My gut wrenched, my radar went on full alert... it looked like cellulitis. It felt warm to the touch. Strep is flying around our house, and we haven't tested her yet. I am keeping an eye on the red patch; I may even draw a line around it before she goes to sleep to see if it is spreading. Or, if it seems to be spreading before she goes to sleep, I will go to urgent care with her ASAP.

Even though I have nothing left in me. I practically cannot move.
It seems impossible to rest, and I am so wrung out and exhausted from my days now. The antibiotics are so weakening. I had eight days of very high amounts of it (1,500mg, 4X/day), into my veins, and am still on it now, on lower dose (1000/day, orally). I am home from the hospital, but I can't go on as if it didn't happen. I am falling apart, really. Headaches all the time, crying bouts, constantly overtired, dizzy. Oh, and hardly any appetite because of the antibiotics. They are fierce, they are. They save lives, but they are fierce.

My own infection site is looking OK. Looks like it was beat up a bit, but it's not that different than the beat up look it had before- it's on the skin graft, after all. Still a bit red/swollen, and still discharging icky stuff, but less.

I have been through the wringer.

I bought Dov (14 y.o.) clothes today (after the doctor), and then had to go get Shifra from school, then to the seamstress to shorten the new pants. I came home barely able to hold myself up on my feet. Fed hungry kids, and anxiously awaited the babysitter. She came, we talked a bit, then I was free to come to bed, where I am at this moment (and most moments I write my blog).

It was too much. I got out of the hospital less than a week ago. I just can't do this. I've been through too much to bounce back. I need peace, quiet, and time. I feel that I cannot expect to have that with a BarMitzvah in three weeks, and Purim before that. Oh, and sick kids at home. There goes peace, quiet, -and- time. Lousy timing.

But my own health is on the line. I need to be able to enjoy Ya'akov's BarMitzvah, not be a dish rag. I need to rest. How does a busy mother with 4 kids (thank Gd) and a working husband rest? I mean, I have the nanny each evening from 5:00, but there is stuff to get done mornings/afternoons, too. And even though the nanny is here, the kids still need me. I don't usually go to sleep while I am up here resting. I am available for homework/ heart-to-heart talks, problem solving, reading stories. (even when I have a headache). Often I am the one putting them to bed, too. It is a better way for them to end their days.

That sounds relatively simple, as long as I can be in bed, but sometimes (often) I actually just need to sleep, but then the kids aren't spending time with me (or me with them), and that doesn't feel good, either.

I think I am going to go to sleep now. 8:20, no kids in bed yet.

Good night.

After I wrote that last "good night", Ya'akov came up here to tell me of something not good that happened in school, then Shifra came up with the same agenda, then Dov asking a few questions, and even Azriel came up for a cameo appearance. That was *after* I decided I was going to sleep. Exactly an hour has passed, and I have a headache.
 Then again a minute after writing *that* Shifra appeared, then Ya'akov. Not simple. They need mommy stuff. And I *want* to give it, so I don't tell them not to come in... 

One more BTW- did you realize that I got cellulitis right after the three-day-road trip with Dov, which completely wiped me out? When too much is..... too much.


  1. Sarah, this may sound insane, but as a person with disabled status and a chronic health problem, are you perhaps entitled to some home aide help? At least help with the chores around the house? Can you check with Bituach Leumi?

  2. Hi Sarah, My friends post your blog and I really feel for you. I just want to mention that I was getting strep 4 times a year until an ENT put me on a prophylactic coctail for 6 months. Low dose, but it did the trick and I didn't get strep again for about 10 years. Apparently I was the carrier as my kids were getting it as well. They still got it after the prophylactic treatment but far less - about 1 of them every 2 years. Please find an ENT in your area who will do this. It means 6 months of careful attention to everyone's doses but there will be results for everyone. Take care

  3. Hi Sare,

    I'm exhausted as I read about your days. And I am working hard too, and am not having health issues at the moment (BAHR). You are working so much harder than most people, and your expectations of yourself are very high.

    But also what I get from your writing is that you are very receptive to your children and their emotional needs. The fact that they come and speak with you so often and about things important to them is such a triumph over your health issues. Having children and teenagers who talk is such a gift. (Mine do talk with me, but in treasured moments). Count your triumphs. Yasher Koach.

    XXXOOO Dev from NJ, USA

    what is the Bar Mitzvah date?