Friday, April 5, 2013

Sleeper's awake

Do you know that the title of this blog entry is the name of a wonderful, magical piece of music? it is, and has always been one of my favorite pieces. Here it is performed by a brass quintet. This transcription is one I have played myself in a brass quintet. I was in paradise playing these melodies. Listen here.

I can't write very much these days because my wrist still hurts from the sprain. I need to have it x-rayed (actually bone scan because of the tiny bones of the hand). When I saw my doctor about it, she just told me to splint it and rest it and see what happens. Anyway, it isn't so easy to type, but I miss blogging so I'm going to try to make it happen.

Vacation is over, and it was awesome. Now back to regularity (whatever that means in our family). Everyone's back to school (and Robert is back to working on Sunday with a sleep-over Sunday night).

Since we returned from vacation, I have spent whole days in bed, mostly sleeping, contrasted with the days in which I am not overly tired when I can do things. "Do things" means Do A Ton Of Things. I can't not do a ton of things. There are so many times I can't do anything, that when I can, I give it all I got, then the next day I am wiped out again and back to bed. There is so much stress in the house right now. So much to do, it is unbelievable.

I just want to say here that possibly for you guys, reading that is just facts.
But being the one who has to sometimes sleep all day, it is incredibly depressing. There are days when I am upstairs in bed, and my kids don't get to see me awake at all. They (especially Shifra, actually) thrive on seeing me up and around, and I'm not. The less I'm up, the worse she sleeps, and the more she wants to sleep with me.

Two days ago I slept all day, then yesterday I went out shopping all day with the kids who desperately need some things. I spend many hours in stores- first few hours with Shifra, then the next few hours with Dov getting him summer clothes- each time the season changes, he needs new clothes. Shifra does, too. Dov will not, under any circumstances, go shopping with me if Shifra is coming. He just will NOT. Everyone wants their alone shopping time with me. Thankfully, the other two boys get all sorts of hand-me-downs, but I still have to shop a fair bit. It wears me out, to say the least. I NEED to be that mom, though.

Can it really be that I have to live this way?
The good news is that my pain is much much better- the meds are really controlling it well. It also seems that I have my intestinal issues taken care of (thank the Good Lord) with a combination of Peglax ("Miralax" in the US) combined with homeopathy.
I am having troubles ans pain with the muscles under Gapey, though.
Other than that, pain really hasn't been a major issue recently. But, to every pain relief, there is the price of fatigue. Actually, for every minute spent in pain, there is also fatigue, so you can't win for losing, can you.

Interestingly enough, when another pain comes along (regular ones, like headache (or migraine), various cramps, sprained wrist), even the huge amounts of medicines I take do not take care of those other pains for me. They only go to where they were recruited to go, nowhere else. Well, at least they are doing the main job!

I have to end soon, I have been cradling my wrist and stopping a lot to be able to write. Just wanted to give an update that, well, I am not in pain, I can go on vacations (even go snorkeling!), I can shop with my kids. On vacation, though, often the family had to spend a morning hanging around just waiting for me to wake up. There are a lot of great things, compared to what used to be earlier in my recovery. I am appreciative of that.

But I sleep so so so much. That makes me sad. I sleep away whole days, and on a regular basis, whole mornings. I pay for every activity I decide to do. That is the hidden part of not being totally healthy- the pay off. There is a price for each and every activity I chose to do.
I cry about that. Do I appreciate the good? YES, of course I do. Do I wish that I could be awake for more life? Yes, of course I do.

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