Between a rock and a hard place

I took this short video while Robert and I went away a few weeks ago... without kids. It was so lovely. I loved this day when we walked around a bit and came across this little stream. Relaxing, right?

Tomorrow I am going to Tel Aviv to the orthopedist at Ichilov, who I has been my doctor through thick and thin. I don't know what will come out of it. I know that both my hips are hurting so much these days, I don't know which one needs more urgent attention. I think the left one- the one that has already had surgeries on it- hurts more than the right. Today they both hurt lots. I did my usual Shabbat walking, and I wound up in much more pain.

Problem is that I am not sure if I am feeling more pain because my body may be getting used to the pain medicine and it is time to raise the dose again, or the condition in my hips is getting worse.

OK, so I just did a quick search through my blog to catch the times in the last year or so that I raised the doses of the Fentanyl. I was curious to see a possible pattern, where I could put a frame of reference to why I may be feeling more pain these days. Like, *lots* more pain, suddenly, like in the last two weeks. I wanted to know if I could see a pattern that my medicine needs to be raised (according to my body acclimating to it) at this juncture in time. What I saw is this:

• January 2012, 50mmg of Fentanyl
• September 2012, 62.5mmg Fentanyl
• January 2013 75mmg Fentanyl.

Now it's June 2013, a few months short of the pattern.

I'm sure that more meds would help with the pain, but I want the whole thing fixed already. I don't know what that means, though, or if I can ever expect that my life will be pain free.

I'll update after my appointment tomorrow.

I wish I could hang out at that stream up there a bit more. It's so quiet, my husband is smiling, and all is well.
 Ahhhhhhh..........