Thursday, March 20, 2014

"Thursday in the afternoon" (From Crosby, Stills and Nash "Suite Judy Blue Eyes")

One busy Jewish holiday on Sunday.

One day of no school, driving kids around and shopping (in a huge mall) with an indecisive teen.

One out-of-town wedding where I totally kicked it up and danced lots and lots. I chose to do that. I can't not dance at a wedding unless I am forced to, and I have someone to talk to who is also not dancing.
This was a good friend who I have known for 19 years, and he is getting married for the first time at the age of 53.

The bride and groom ( in a white robe on the left, bride on right- duh.) had their backs to us, their faces toward Zion., the place where the Beit Hamikdash will be, in the walled city of Jerusalem. The old Rabbi with the black hat is the groom's Rav, and also I used to learn with him when I went to the women's yeshiva so long ago! It was wonderful to see him, and I got to talk with him a while at the party.

The night of the wedding I wasn't in pain really, even on the drive home. But when I woke up the next day, I took that first step out of bed, and *knew* I was in for a hard day.

Now it's two days following the wedding, still in intense pain. Left hip, the one that my orthopedist recommended not to get a replacement for. Literally limping and almost cannot walk.
(I'm going to a new orthopedist for a second opinion, for both hips, on Sunday).

Today, Thursday, I was put in the position to have to do a long-distance drive, round trip (2nd time this week out of town). A series of bad luck made me & Ya'akov miss his train to his doctor in the center of the country. I am so tired. The drive back will be agonizing to keep myself awake and aware.
It hurts, my poor leg, it hurts.

(p.s. to that one- we made it back home in one piece, BH, but it is crystal clear to me that I cannot do long distance driving. No more, no matter what. I am literally drugged, and cannot keep from spacing in an open road. I had the window open (cold), and I was slapping my cheeks, and I still wasn't attentive enough, but that is how we got home. I was freezing out poor Ya'akov. That's it, though. Either someone else drives, or the child takes a train or bus, or we cancel the appointment. No choice. Check off another point for losing independence.) Leg also hurts even more now after the trip. The whole thing feels awful. :[

The renewal of my handicapped parking tag has been twice rejected. This is after my orthopedic oncologist *specifically* wrote in the summation of my last visit that I am to be given a handicapped permit because I cannot walk distances, and there has been a steady deterioration regarding the condition of my hip, and of the pain.
Now I have to bring it up with a non-profit organization here which is for equality and rights of the handicapped, here in Be'er Sheva, to back me up and help me get my permit renewed. Is anything easy?

Just a few days in the life.....

I want to accept that this is my life, that things are the way they are, and I am doing as much as I can in my control to make things normal and good for everyone, and myself. It is just that when pain strikes, strong, it is the only thing one can think of. There is nothing else I could possibly write about, nothing else I can possibly do to put it aside and "go on with life". Nobody can do that with pain. These problems are with my legs. I need them to walk, each step taken, every hour of every day. Kids, laundry, cooking, cleaning, doctors for all of us, endless errands. My legs take me everywhere. When every step hurts, every movement of each tiny muscle felt with pain, I feel my lack of independence, I feel scared for the future, and I feel bad for everyone in my life who needs to deal with it as well.

What am I going to do? Consults, decisions about surgery (again).

Just a few days in the life.


  1. I'm glad you have the consult scheduled for Sunday. Hopefully answers will help. Sending positive energy.

  2. wishing you a complete refua, with much stregnth you so need for your family.

  3. Sarah:
    Have you considered trying acupuncture for the migraines? I suffer periodically from cluster headaches ( an extremely painful series of migraines that occurs daily for a period of time (e.g. two weeks) before subisiding until the next episode. Acupuncture seems to help lower the severity of the headaches. Also, my doctor gives me a pill called "zomig." Have you tried it? If you take it when you fell the headache begining, it will suppress the headache.

    1. Thanks so much. I have heard of "cluster headaches", and it sounds horrific.
      I have tried accupuncture for pain relief, all sorts, and perhaps I didn't have the right practitioner, but it wasn't at all effective for me. At the time, I was going for pain relief for my chronic pain (from undergoing many surgeries) for the reflexology, and I also told him about the migraines.

      Which acupuncturist do you go to? In cupat cholim?
      I haven't heard of that drug before, but I know I am allergic to a family of migraine meds- the family of "Immitrex". Don't know about this med you talked about. Anything that I can take to help is better than nothing, which is where I am at now.

      Next Monday I am going to see a neurologist here in Soroka, a specialist in migraines, named "Ifargan". Have you heard of him?

      Thanks again for your suggestion.