Changed my mind back.

I got my personal agenda straightened out and decided that the new pain doctor, Dr. Davidson in Jerusalem, is going to be the one I chose to help me with this path I am planning. That being weaning off the Fentanyl. Last week, when I cancelled the appointment, I wasn't sure of my goal, or my agenda. Now I know more about what I think I want. I have only done one small dose-lowering, and I am feeling like I don't have enough clinical support to continue. There may be ways to lower doses without the side effects (drowning fatigue and heightened pain). Those side effects make it scary for me to go the next step and take off the other half of the small patch which I presently cut in half. I have only taken off 6mmg from the 87mmg I am on, and there were big side effects. Not as big as when I once took down a bigger dose at once- then I had, along with that stuff, nausea, throwing up, hallucinating, and shaking. So I know that smaller dose lowering matters. But, should I be cutting the patch? Is there something I can take to ease this process? I just feel that I need more guidance which I am not presently getting from my current pain Dr, Dr Z. So, tomorrow Robert & I head to Jerusalem. There are three big things we need to accomplish there. I hope that I can hold out till the end of the day, and that I won't have to pay for it over Shabbat. First is the appointment with Dr. Davidson. Then we go across town completely (from Hadassa Ein Karem to the Talpiot/Arnona area) to have a meeting with a psychiatrist at Ya'akov's yeshiva. After that, we go to an "azkara"- a yahrtzeit- a memorial ceremony to commemorate the 4th year after our loved and cherished friend RivkA Matitya passed away. Only after that do we finally drive home. YES, Robert will be doing the driving.

I am slightly more nervous than I would normally be with a day like this coming up because of what I went through yesterday. I had another day of a fever yesterday. That makes two days of high fever, three weeks apart. It lasts one day, climbs higher during the evening, I feel insanely miserable with every muscle and bone moaning, then it breaks at around 3am. Last night I woke up in a sweat at 3am, fever broke. Today I felt pretty fine, except for the weakness from yesterday, and my hip joints more sore than usual.

If I get another day like this any time soon, I'll ask my doctor what she thinks about it. It is good, in a way, that my body can fight it. But why is it happening is the issue.

Oh, and tomorrow before we head off to Jerusalem, I will get a lymphatic draining treatment/massage. I need it badly. I feel like there are marbles in the groin area- the lymph nodes completely engorged with no way to drain. Gapey is like a road-block for lymphatic fluid. It just can't move anywhere. It's quite sore.

Basically, here it is in a nutshell:

Fever,
       next day well, but feeling weak,
                 next day lymphatic draining,
                            traveling to Jerusalem
                                       seeing a new pain Doc
                                                 having an important meeting at Ya'akov's yeshiva
                                                            going to an intense memorial service for a very beloved friend.

It's a tough day, but it will be, at the very least,.... interesting! Right, RKdG? :)