Sunday, November 23, 2014

The usual: pain, surgery, medicines. Who *IS* this person who used to be Sarah?

I am supposed to see my orthopedist on Wednesday in Tel Aviv. I honestly don't know what to say, or if I even should go. I mean, he's an orthopedic surgeon. If I am not going to do surgery, then why go to the appointment?

I am the one who initiated the appointment, I scheduled it about a month ago. At the time my left hip developed a new "twang" in it, every step I take. The "twang" was awful, and it lasted a few days straight, *every step*. Can you imagine how annoying that was? It didn't hurt more with each step, but it made more pain at the end of the day. So, the twang kept on for a few days, then faded back into the scenery. Now I get it occasionally, and it is **SO** mega annoying. I have a feeling it is something like a ligament stretched.

The right hip- the one I almost had surgery on in July but it got canceled when I had the dramatic allergic reaction on the operating table- that one- hurts so much now. I feel it more now since I am lowering the dose of my pain meds. It is the right one which hurts consistently more now. But again, if I am not going to do surgery, why go to the orthopedist?

I just had a little conversation in my head that went like this:

head: well, you probably should go back to him because things were left up in the air last time when you saw him, having allergic reactions on the operating table. That was the last time you saw him.
me: true, but it's not like he is wondering what happened. He doesn't give my case any thought until my file is in front of him at my appointment. It's not like his office gave me a follow-up appointment or anything.
head: But you are really not sure if you should do the surgery or not.
me: So I'll go to him when I am sure; if I decide to do it.
head: just go. Ask him about the new twang, if it is something to check into or not. Tell him about the allergy testing and the cellulitis that followed. Maybe you need a new MRI to check out the twangy thing,
me: I just had an MRI in August. It's not time for a new one. There is no point in going unless I am going to reschedule the surgery. That's all he wants to know.

With that, my head got quiet.

I am not having much patience with this medicine lowering. In order to start the new medicine, I am supposed to go way down from the one I am on now. I take 75mmg now of Fentanyl, and Dr. D said I should be at around 25-40mmg in order to start the new med. That's a lot of lowering dose and uncovering pain.

Maybe I should try to be patient and just do this one thing- concentrate on lowering the dose of the Fentanyl. A little bit every two weeks. Why think of surgery now? I'm not really considering surgery, but maybe I should go to the orthopedist just for a follow-up, after things were left in July sort of hanging in the air.

A tiny part of me *is* considering surgery, though. It friggin hurts, this problem in my right hip joint. Less pain meds will mean it'll hurt more pretty soon. If I do the surgery, then maybe it will be less painful overall in the scheme of things going on with me. Ah, who knows.

I am still not sure if I'll go to the orthopedist. Ill let ya know.


  1. Dear decisive one,

    Seems to me your head has good points. A follow up is good, especially since you have new symptoms and new info to present. He may give you information that will help you make a decision. Anything is possible.

    Hang in there.


    1. Well, here I am two days before and I am still not sure. I am leaning toward not going. I feel it isn''t time for a surgery, as much as I want to be fixed. Does that make sense?

    2. Doesn’t have to make sense to me, only to you. Is this the outcome you want? Picture what you want, strongly enough that you can feel it and see it in your mind. You’ll know.

    3. The outcome I want..... the outcome I want....
      Thanks for making me stop and think hard about this.
      Well, I am lowering the Fentanyl in order to get off narcotics, and use a different source of pain med (to be discussed in a blog entry some time soon). Ideally, by the time i am going on the new medicine, it would be ideal to use as little of it as possible in order to have a good quality of life. I *think* that means to go ahead and have the torn labrum fixed, so that one problem- and significant source of pain- is eliminated. So maybe that means to schedule the surgery again. I think i am leaning toward having this discussion with my orthopedist tomorrow, and not canceling.
      That doesn't mean surgery is iniment, but I have decided to go and have a talk with my doctor. It seems right. Thank you for "giving" me the time to think about it. Isn't that interesting, that someone else can say the right words to help you find your own answers. Thanks, friend.

    4. I’m so glad I am able to help.

      I’m sure the appointment with the orthopedist will be a good one.


  2. Ugh! What to do, what to do?

    On the one hand, it hurts more now because you are working on changing your meds. So do you want to do surgery because things are in flux right now and you feel it more when it should get better once you're on the other meds?

    On the other hand, if lowering the pain meds uncovers the pain, maybe you should get it done, if the ultimate goal is to get off pain meds?

    I'm no help and I'm hearing the same two battling voices on your behalf. :-(

    Hugs, Sarah. I hope your path becomes clear to you soon.

    1. Jackie- read the above reply to my friend Edna... I made a decision. :)
      Thanks for your emapthy and understanding!!