Tuesday, March 10, 2015


I really like learning Tai Chi. I started recently, have had maybe 5 lessons. The teacher is a fabulous teacher, and I am hooked. it is slow and fluid, and beautiful. I had done some Chikong when I was in Mitzpe Alumot (the raw food retreat I did a few years back), and loved that, too. Tai Chi is similar, but different.

Anyway, Just a small update because I am running around today with kids, gotta leave soon. (Shifra has orthodontist, Azriel has a guitar lesson, Ya'akov is coming in from Jerusalem for a doctor's appointment, Shif & Azri have sewing class, and then Shifra has ballet. Love Tuesdays. Even without the doctor's appointments, there are many trips to make!)

I decided, after dabbling with the cannabis drops a bit last week, that I am going to hold off. Isn't that interesting?

The first time I took it, it helped me sleep, got rid of RLS.
Second time I took it (that morning), I must have taken two or three drops instead of one by mistake You have to use the little eye-dropper to put drops under the tongue- a technique I haven't mastered yet. So, I got overdosed, only after one dose. That was AWFUL. I felt out-of-control of my words and facial expressions, cried uncontrollably, and was generally a mess. I waited most of the day until that effect went down.

What I was crying about was that I am *so fed up* with DRUGS altering- controlling- how I feel. I mean, it is good if you are in pain to get out of pain. And I know that is the goal, but I wasn't in particular pain at that moment, and once I understood that this is another substance that I will have to get used to, not so different than the Fentanyl, I got so upset. I had somehow thought that my body would accept this Cannabis easily, that it would not be something that my body "has to get used to". I know, it was an overdose, not the way things are supposed to be, but this is what happened, and things happen for reasons. I don't want my body to have to get used to another DRUG. I want to be drug free. I was hoping that I could take the Cannabis on an SOS basis for pain, but it doesn't work that way. You have to use it all day every day in order for it to help you. As I go off the Fentanyl, with all the effort I am putting into it, I don't want just a replacement.

I am going to try to go off the Fentanyl without overlapping with the Cannabis. That is what my body and soul are yearning for. DETOX. I have the Cannabis, and have used it a bit since then as well, but not consistently. It helps the RLS, and helps me sleep. That is no small mercy. But, so far, during the day, I don't need it. Thank Gd.

On Sunday, March 8th, I lowered the Fentanyl to 25mmg...
and counting....


  1. Wow Sarah! Going "hard a___" on us!! You're amazing!!!

  2. It's not a THC-free or reduced strain?

    1. It is THC reduced, and even so it can have a strong effect. It's not without it alltogether, That would be hemp oil, I think.

  3. Wow. You are one brave woman getting of this Fentanyl.
    And you are even braver listening to your heart and body - and I think that listening and answering is the way to go. To be loyal to your body, and not to an idea about it. I hope you'll feel free to always follow your inner voice (which might say no drugs some times and yes another time - who knows....). Freedom of choice!

    I love you, Rivka

    1. Thank you so much for that positive feedback! yes, with me it is totally one day at a time. And that is OK. I just so strongly feel that I don't *want* levels of toxins building up in my system again, just like what needed to happen with the Fentanyl. I don't know what life will be off Fentanyl, or any controlled substance, for that matter, and I want to find out. I want to dig through the layers of years of narcotic use and see what my body really can and cannot do. It'll be an interesting thing to know.

      One day at a time. Tomorrow I may be in so much pain that I wll go for the cannabis. Or not.
      It's OK. That is the main part. It's OK not to know.
      And you, my dear, are one of the people who taught me that.

      XOXOXO to you, sister-in-law!!


  4. Good for you! I like your plan. If it helps you to sleep, wonderful! Otherwise, I love that you're trying to get your body pure. I wish I had the strength to do the same. I'm not on narcotics (thank G*d), but blood pressure medicine, etc., etc., which all would be helped if I could just stop eating crap and lose some weight! I admire your strength of character (wish mine were as strong). Hang in there -- you've made great progress!!
    Hugs, Jackie

    1. Jackie, your character is very strong! You are stronger than you think. Turns out I am, too. I see a big difference between blood pressure meds and narcotics. bP meds don't make you drowsy to the point of endangering people on the road if you drive. It ruled my life with the exhaustion. They probably don't completely constipate, and are probably not dependency-forming. The constipation thing was also a factor that controlled my life. I pray you will never know. Anyway, As much as the meds may be quite different, I hear you when you say that you, theoretically, have it within your grasp to go off the pills, and you need will power. Maybe you just need one, good, solid decision. No?

      Thanks for your steady stream of support and comfort!
      Sending so much love to you, my friend.