Wednesday, July 15, 2015


My friend is still in the ICU on a respirator. It is really heavy, I can't go into it all. She has short amounts of "wakeful" times, where her eyes open, and yesterday I was privy to one of them. I saw her open her eyes. I was so happy to see her eyes. As soon as she could focus, her face registered stress and fear, and a few tears fell down her cheeks (which I wiped away). I wondered if maybe she was in pain. I told the nurse my concern, and she raised the pain meds a little (...Fentanyl). I tried to comfort her. I spoke healing, soothing words. I asked her to blink her eyes if she understands me, and she didn't blink. Doesn't mean she didn't understand me, though, just that she couldn't control her eye lids just yet. I do believe she understood me.

After spending three hours there yesterday, talking to the doctors, and coordinating things with her other friend, I took today off. It's really intense being in intensive care. I am taking care of myself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

We had a great vacation up north, from Friday until Monday. Awesome family time. 

Dov & I back-to-back with a Wazi on my lap
Me & Ya'akov in Tzfat

Four dudes on horses L- Rt: Dov, Azriel, Ya'akov, cousin Howard
Dov's silhouette in a fortress look-out

yours, truly

Wazi on his horse
I went around and did stuff, and also had to pass on doing some nice things because of my pain situation. I would have liked to go horse-back riding with the kids and cousin Howard, but that is something that just isn't in the cards these days. It was after a day of walking a lot, and I know my limits. Thing is, though, how much *more* pain would I have been in had I gone? I mean, as it was, driving home that night was pure torture. Robert was driving, and I was in the passenger seat. I had to take off my seat belt on a number of occasions and try to squirm into a position that could provide relief for a minute or two. I didn't get one blink of sleep. If I *had* gone horse riding, would I have been in more pain? Would it have done damage? Probably not. It's just that pain is never a background noise. It is always front-and-center, it's just a matter of how strong it is at any given time. It is NOISE. I have all sorts of internal dialogues going on in order to just deal in the normal world.

If it was just one side of my body, maybe it'd be easier to deal with. The drive home from Tzfat on Monday night featured the left side acting up. Gapey hurt, as did my thigh joint. I could not get comfortable the entire three hour drive. I wanted to scream. (but I didn't. I did complain quite a bit, though, poor Robert).

Usually on a day-to-day basis, if I am well rested, the main source of pain is the right side thigh joint.

Which brings me to tomorrow...
Remember that the orthopedist who was recommended to me couldn't get me in until November? Well, I still can't get in to see him until November. *But*, I called back his secretary to tell her that I may need another MRA, because the last one was two years ago. I asked her how could I have the test done before I see the doctor in November. She then told me that his colleague, who happens to be a thigh joint specialist, sees patients every Thursday. I can get referrals for the tests I need from him, and be prepared with all the tests when I go see the orthopedist in November (or earlier, perhaps, if I'm lucky). So, I'm going to do that. I'm going to see the colleague tomorrow, in Tel Aviv.

I'll let you know how it goes.

In the meantime, I am appreciating being able-bodied, and being in the world with my children. I don't take it for granted for one minute. I pray that my friend gets to appreciate that too, very soon.

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