Thursday, August 13, 2015

Push-Pull

Writing to you from my parent's house in Glen Head, Long Island, New York. :)
That is one good reason why you haven't heard from me in a while.

Well, actually, that is the whole reason. It's really been busy, but mostly in a good way. I am traveling with an awesome travel buddy, my daughter Shifra. It's her Bat Mitzvah trip. She wanted to see grandma and grandpa. Just the girls... left all the men in Israel. Robert is taking the boys on trips and vacation spots while we are here, so everyone has their vacations. Just not together. I think this is the first summer in... ever... that we didn't do a vacation together. Ah well, things change. It's the nature of things.

There is an ongoing theme whenever I come here to visit my parents. That theme is that a zillion family and friends want a piece of me being here, on the same hemisphere as them. I get that, and I want to see people, too. But my heart feels torn and spread thin, between visits with relatives who I love and my parents who the trip is in honor of. This trip is also mixed up with what Shifra wants from her special vacation. There is a lot to do, and important things to take care of, and when I am spending time with my parents I don' want to make the phone calls, I just want to be with them.

This evening I was talking to my brother-in-law on the phone. We had spoken at length, and I told him that I wanted to get off the phone so I could say goodnight to my parents, the whole evening went by with me making up for missed phone calls. I also told him that I wanted to check in on Shifra, I had no idea what she was into for the past hours, and I have to make sure she's getting to bed soon. As soon as I said those things, I remembered that Robert and his brothers have no parents anymore. They both left this world. And, this brother-in-law I was talking to has no kids. I decided to shut my mouth and be deeply grateful. Just gratitude.

My parents are pretty stable. Not getting worse, but also not getting better. This is how it's going to be... them living in this house, until it changes... like things do. I'd like to bring them to Israel. That is what would make everyone happy (my family/kids in Israel, I mean). We have had some important conversations about it. My brothers (both) are coming in from Manhattan and Indiana this weekend, so that is wonderful. Hopefully more positive and important conversations will happen.

In general it's been very little shopping (by design), a handful of cousins and my Aunt on my father's side, my brother treating us to a Broadway show which was *awesome!!!*, and a handful of phone conversations with people who are enjoying being able to speak with me while I'm in the same time zone.

I honestly can't stay up anymore. I keep falling asleep.

I am doing well, holding up to the pressures and busyness, thank Gd. Pain factor is higher than I expected, but I have been handling it, and for the most part, trying not to talk about it.

Getting back to Israel next week on Wednesday, the 19th.

Good night! You may not hear from me in a while. It's busy! But good. All good. Well, mostly good. ;)

2 comments :

  1. Keep having fun! I understand so well the need to just turn off and BE with our parents. It is truly a gift. And give my love to them. Love, Miriam

    ReplyDelete
  2. enjoy your getaway with shifra. feel good and I am happy you are with your parents. rochel.

    ReplyDelete