tomorrow

It's the first day of school tomorrow. I am looking forward to regularity stepping back in.

Did I mention that our lovely nanny is leaving us? Did y'all just groan and think "oh, no" there? She has decided to pursue her life in a more country-like setting. She feels she needs to be out of the city. These things happen to new immigrants. You gotta feel out the waters before deciding anything permanent. But we're going to miss her greatly. I worry about the adjustment period for the kids (& me, actually) with yet another nanny. We'll get through it, as we've done already 3 times now.

So, tomorrow is also our first interview for a possible new nanny. She is also a new immigrant, but has told me she can commit to a year, at least. That's all I can ask at this point; I don't even know what I'll need next year.

I am still scared of handling things on my own like I used to (and that was with 2 careers!). Any time it works out that I have the kids alone, I have a little voice panicking that I have to contend with. I did, however, have all 4 kids myself at the pool today, and it went OK. It was 2 hours of "ima, look at me!", then on my right, "ima! Look at *me*!", then "ima, watch me feet pop up in a headstand!", and so on. I was a bit frazzled. The whole time I was watching my two non-swimmers like a hawk. Their water wings are fluorescent, so that makes it easier. When I got home, I was so glad to see dinner, warm and on plates waiting for very hungry kids. I relaxed, knowing that the evening routine wasn't going to be just me. I was off official duty, and able to be available and relaxed with my kids.

I guess anyone would feel this way, right? So why do I need a nanny? Is it a luxury at this point? Well, as I wrote that, I remembered the bad days with my noise sensitivity. And when the PTSD depression seeps into the day... and the ongoing pain. It can be very aggravating to have to deal with pain and the kids at the same time. I wind up short tempered, through no fault of theirs. Those are the times I just escape to my room and am happy to have a reliable and positive nanny here. I am scared to think of the possibility of not having this help. I think that means it's not a luxury. I'll let you know when it is.

Good luck for Israeli kids tomorrow starting school!
And I forge onward with interviewing a possible new nanny.