Changes

Somehow this blog feels weird to me. I'm not into it yet. It seems foreign. It's a change, and sometimes change takes time to get used to. It somehow feels less intimate than the CaringBridge site, even though it is more personalized to me now, as opposed to when it was started then. It's like I have to let go of that persona to start this one. Could that be it?

Change.... change, speaking of change...
My kids changed grades in school yesterday. Dov said to me that 4th grade feels so big. Those were his words. He has a Rav now for a teacher, as opposed to the first 3 grades when they have a female teacher, the mother figure. Ya'akov, on the other hand, said that third grade feels like second because he has the same teacher, in the same classroom as last year. I can understand that. Thankfully, his teacher is wonderful and we are all happy she went up with them. Shifra is in her second year of kindergarten (she's 5 1/2). It's the best thing for her. Last year my unavailability and instability was hard on her, I think she got hit hardest from the whole thing. She is intellectually ready for first grade, but not emotionally. But you know what? It's so interesting... Yesterday was her first day, and she was so confident. She already has some friends there, so that is great. But the interesting thing is that she has stopped wetting at night. She wet all last year, and we've been patient with her. It was around the time that Azriel was out of diapers (day & night together, no accidents) she decided she will also be dry at night. And that was it, 12 days now dry. Also, on her own volition, she has decided to stop sucking her thumb. Anyone who knows Shifra knows she almost always has her thumb in her mouth. Or... had, that is. Yesterday in the morning before the first day of school, *she brought to me* the bitter nail polish for her thumbs. I didn't suggest it. She said she wants to not suck her thumb in gan (kindergarten). So, I put it on her, and in the afternoon she pranced home proudly saying that it was easy for her to not suck her thumb today. She even showed off the icky taste to her friend, who licked it and said "icksa" (Israeli children's lingo for "ewww!"). She wanted her comfort at night to go to sleep, though, and we decided that in a month we'll try the bitter polish at night, too. So, I took it off with polish remover, and she soaped her hands really well so all the taste and residue of the remover is gone. In the morning today, not only was her bed dry, but she proudly said that she didn't suck her thumb at all last night. She said it still tasted bad, even though we took it off and cleaned her hands. And she was*proud of herself*! And so am I. I told her that very clearly, and she smiled shyly. I am going to get her a small present today. This whole growing up thing. It seems to happen all at once. Azriel is in preschool with 23 kids for the first time in his life, and *loves* it. He's in a big bed, we're selling the crib, and he is out of diapers. It's the dawn of a new era. We have bought diapers for almost 10 years now. Done, just like that. I feel that throaty feeling of tears on the way. It's partly because I also know that unless something unusual and miraculous happens, we won't have another baby. My body/health condition now and my medication preclude pregnancy. That is Hashem's decision, so it's the right one. But sometimes we can cry at Hashem's decisions.

We'll change nanny's, too, soon. We'll cut Azriel's hair for the first time when he's 3... in a few weeks. Then we'll change the Jewish year at Rosh Hashana. And I am changing writing venues. It is the right thing to do, but it's a lot of change for me at once. I feel a bit overwhelmed, and yeah, ... sad.