Saturday, October 25, 2008

The challenge of creating simplicity

Not so confident.
Happy to be with my kids.
Happy to be with my husband.
Happy to be with Emma (but the puppies are a little too high strung for me)
Still fighting through depression, but not as deep as before.
Trying to build simplicity.

I got very used to the insulated environment at the "center for a healthy soul". The days there are slow and simple. It was my first ever experience of what that may be like. I hope that I can keep the momentum of what I coined as "free resting". That is to say, resting with no cost (in my mind) to anyone. It is not as easy as it sounds.

I am nervous that my condition can slip back. I didn't actually get any of the TMS treatments yet, to my disappointment. My meds were changed a bit, but I still have all the PTSD symptoms I had going in there. I am more rested, though. The head of the department is going on vacation, then when he gets back my therapist is on her vacation, yadda yadda. The long & short of it is that the treatments are scheduled to start mid November... like 3 weeks from now. It'll be day treatments, on an out-patient basis, for 10 days. I can repeat this pattern 6 months later if a) it works well, and b)the effect wore off, and c) I want to. I am anxious to start it, but as we know, it's in Hashem's hands.

I am glad to be home, and I am planning not to work for 2 months (or maybe more, but I'm starting with that). I already miss the simplicity and warm care I had while in the hospital. It felt so safe. Who'd a thunk.


  1. Hey! Welcome home!

    So sorry I never called you back... (I keep thinking of things I meant to do or told ppl I'd to, that I never did...gotta work on that).

    Anyway, while you're resting and being quiet, check out this series of interviews that Oprah did w/ Byron Katie:

    I wonder whether her approach can give you some relief from some of the thoughts that trouble you...

    Shavua Tov,
    Love, Dena

  2. Hey, Sarah,
    It was so nice seeing you on Shabbat afternoon! I loved reconnecting with you and building legos. You know we got more out of it than Azriel!
    I am sure you have what it takes to set your boundaries. You do know how to help yourself! And you have loving family and friends to help you, too!
    Love, Miriam