Sunday, October 26, 2008

New strategies: simplify, prioritize, separate (פישוט, מיון, והפרדה)

It was so good while in the hospital that my days were undemanding, simple, and quiet. I have to try now to incorporate that feeling while being home. Hard task, indeed.

I want:
  • A slow day (after the kids go off to school, take a good walk, then rest)
  • to get to bed by latest 11:00 every night
  • to get up at 7:00 every morning to see the kids out (& braid Shifra's hair like she's been wanting)
  • to feel ready and recharged by the time my kids come home in the afternoons
  • to know my limits and stick to them
  • eat well (nutrition wise & schedule wise)
  • to read to my kids more
  • to be able to prioritize my limited time
On that last one, it means mostly not taking phone calls. Or just quickie calls for a specific reason, but not letting people go on & on (even if I would like to talk to them) when I feel it is tugging at me, away from peace of mind. I don't want to be pulled, I break too easily these days. It happened tonight... Azriel crying heart-wrenching-ly for me to put on his pajamas with him, at the same time I was at the bath with Shifra combing for lice (another byproduct of me not being home for 3 weeks to put her hair up before kindergarten), and Ya'akov needing help with homework. Dov was happily entertaining himself, thankfully. Our nanny was trying to be with Wazzy and the pj's (but he was kicking her), I was not able to leave Shifra until she was completely combed out, and Robert felt frustrated that he couldn't concentrate on his computer work because I asked him to please help Ya'akov. He was frustrated because that's what we hired the nanny for, but nobody can be with that many problems at once. I started to break. I had no time to eat my dinner. I couldn't take phone calls, and cut a few people short who I care for very much. It just has to be that way. If I was home alone, I probably would never answer the phone unless I was free to do so.

OK, it's 11:15, I'm completely exhausted, and should already be in bed. I have to get better at starting wind-down at 10:00. Sleeping well and enough is the start to a simpler, healthier life.

1 comment :

  1. Just got caught up on your hospital stay. I'm glad you had that quiet time. What a bummer that you still have to wait for your therapy. Your evening sounds chaotic even for someone not struggling with PTSD. Hope you can find the balance that you need.