Saturday, January 17, 2009

Medical update

The thing about having PTSD in a war is that every noise sounds like a siren. We had one today on Shabbat, accompanied by a rather close sounding boom.

Pretty depressed these days. I feel under par physically, and the depression is setting in. Something is going on with me physically, and nobody knows what. I often get through the day on Tylenol or Advil. I often feel fevery, but with no fever. That just shouldn't be. In a week I'll have the MRI in J'm, so that may shed some light.

I went two days now without the pressure garment. I just felt so sickly that having it on just bothers me more. And since I was in bed more than out, I just didn't bother putting it on.
My personal consensus is that I am going to go for the reconstruction surgery. I cannot deal on my feet at all without the garment, and I can't wear it my whole life. My OT (scar management at Soroka) says that I need to stop wearing it in a few months. I know I'll go for the reconstuction; the stomach wall muscle hernia hurts. Every time I cough, sneeze, or get up from a chair or bed too fast I get a sharp pain in gapey. The whole big gapey is so uncomfortable to live with. It is a constant feeling of the uncomfortable large concave space against my clothing. It is mostly numb with small areas of feeling, and it is just so "oogie" feeling all the time. I am used to the feeling, but it is really unpleasant. It draws my attention all the time. It'll be two years since the NF in May, and I think I've had enough time to evaluate what will be with it. I want it fixed. They will close it up and fill the area up again with fatty tissue so I'll be symmetric, and I wouldn't be aware of it every minute of the day. I think it'll improve my quality of life, and after these two days of having off the pressure garment, I have decided I want to go for the big reconstruction. When, where, who... yet to be investigated.

I first have to get help with the hip/thigh pain. Again, after the MRI.
Tomorrow (Sunday) I made an appointment to get a lymphatic treatment/reflexology with Dorit. Looking forward.

But first thing in the morning we go to the pediatrician with Azriel. I have to get the OK that he's no longer contagious so our babysitter can come back to us. Here's hoping...


  1. Hey...

    I hope that having a plan for moving forwards will help you get thru (if not out of) this latest bout of the depression... Hang in there!!

    Love, Dena

  2. Big Decisions! May they all be for the best and may God grant you a Refuah Shlaymah!!

    Love you!