Sunday, January 4, 2009

Problems not easily solved, if solvable at all

I guess it's just the idea of being in a war status that makes everything else harder to deal with. Truth be told, the last few days have been quiet here. Oh, and those two sirens I complained about on Friday? The ones that interrupted Wazi's nap twice? The first one was **A TEST**, and the second was an *ERROR*. Seems everyone in Be'er Sheva knew that there would be a test at 1:00pm but me. I didn't have a radio on, or the TV, or internet news. So, I didn't know. The other one was an accidental siren. I was really annoyed to hear that, after what I went through with the nap time. So, with that taken into account, it has been quiet here since Thursday night. Of course, there are always fighter planes & helicopters flying strongly, loudly over our house at the rate of about one every 2 minutes, but those are OK. They are *our* boys, either going or coming from Gaza.

I am just waiting now for school to reopen. They will reopen when all the inspections of all the schools & nursery schools in the city are finished. They have to make sure there are shelters in every school, and that they are functional and big enough for all the students. That takes a long time. If there are schools with no shelters, they need to be built speedily. I know that the school that Dov & Ya'akov go to have three large bomb shelters, but the kindergartens for the two little ones don't. Anyway, they will open schools across the city when all the inspections are done, and the situation seems quiet... enough.

Meantime, I am quite down. There are a few good personal reasons for that, but they are exaggerated by the new sudden situation.

I am also worried about our ground troops entering Gaza now. There are quite a few sons of close friends of mine in those ranks in the front line. I am extraordinarily proud of them, and also shaken with fear. I tell my kids so much about not letting fear get to us because Hashem is with us and protecting us, but I don't listen to my own words well. Please Gd, protect our boys.

I feel sort of in spaced out mode. I am not so able to direct my kids so well on these days home. I also am dealing with a nasty respiratory virus that doesn't seem to go away now, for a week. At the same time, I have to get a chest x-ray for Azriel, who has had a congested cough for well over a month. He may have walking pneumonia.

Depression and war feels paralyzing to me, but I am plowing along. I have to. Hashem has put these souls in my hands, I have to get out of bed for them and be mommy. No matter what.

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