Friday, January 23, 2009

thoughts on being tired

I wonder if being tired so much, and consequently sleeping so much, will ever get better. I ask this because the other day, I had a conversation with my seamstress. She knows my shape and gapey problems well because she has altered clothing to fit me right. Anyway, I asked her why she decided to stop the part of her business that is making dresses from scratch, and she doesn't want to do too much intricate cutting. She told me that her hand and arm bother her because she has lymph problems. Of course, I could guess what they were from. I told her I also had lymph problems since my surgeries, and she told me she had a lump removed from a breast, and lymph nodes removed because of cancer (but no chemo or radiation afterward). So, we talked.

She said it was 6 years ago, and she is still tired way more than she ever used to be. Granted, she is quite a bit older than I am (12- 15 years older, I'd say). I told her I am also inordinately tired very often. I wonder if it could be a function of the body working harder to compensate, or from chronic pain, or what.

I can sleep for even 10 hours at night, and still be tired in the afternoon around 2 or 3, like always. I can go to sleep early, or late, and it doesn't seem to matter. I can have a good day emotionally or a down one, and I am still exhausted.

I know living with pain is part of it. I also wonder what part of messing with the body just throws off this balance. Monthly cycle is out of whack also, for quite a while. I am finally doing some hormonal level testing about that.

I'll be 41 soon. Will "back in whack" ever gonna come? I'm getting older, and things start to happen. I just don't know what is a function of having gone through NF, and what is the aging process. The difference only matters when I try to reconcile myself with it; the post-NF stuff I have expectations that it will get better. The age stuff, well, I can do what I can do, but...

And will reconstructive surgery help me physically (& emotionally) such that I can be more active and get back into feeling young again, or will it be a setback difficult to overcome... again?

I'm confident that the answer will come, at the time it is supposed to come.

1 comment :

  1. I ask the same questions some days. I'm always tired too, although I suffer from depression and that is part of it. Three kids is part of it. I'm recovering from being sick, that's part of it for now. Can't imagine how I would feel if I'd had NF!

    I can't help but think that since you're still healing that feeling tired is partly from that. I think that the emotional roller coaster you are on has to have a lot to do with it, not to mention a war.

    Do you have to sleep to feel less fatigued or does it help if you just lay down and relax for 20-30 minutes at a time a couple of times a day? Do you eat enough protein to help level your blood sugar level?

    I hope you can come up with some answers or at least some peace with these questions.