My scattered thoughts... goes with the scattered mood!

OK, y'all blew my cover... I knew the virtual flower arrangement from the last entry was from a funeral home. I hoped you'd all think that they were on a table, not necessarily a casket. It was the prettiest arrangement I could find! I searched a fair bit, and, well, funeral parlors make really nice arrangements! So, lets just look at it as the tikkun for the flowers to be on my blog. :-) Can't get anything by you guys!

I made phone calls today, but I procrastinated the morning away and by the time I called the orthopedic surgeon that was recommended to me, the phone hours were over by 20 minutes. I'll try again tomorrow morning. I did put in a message to Giladi, the ID doctor, and he hasn't called back yet. I made an appointment with a dermatologist, also, for next week.

I have a lot of nervous energy today because I am nervous about Azriel's surgery on Tuesday. I just want it finished already, and I feel awful that he will be in pain and scared. I talked with him a little about it yesterday, and he started crying saying "don want! don want!" We switched topics. I have a book a friend gave me (thanks, MR!) about going to the hospital for a surgery, but I haven't read it to him yet... we'll do that tomorrow. I am just very jittery about it. I am trying not to show it to him at all, I hope I am succeeding. This feels harder than I thought it'd be. My little delicate guy...

As far as me, I have had a great deal of my own pain these past few days. Extra Advil, and it's not as effective as it had been. I wonder if the tumor is still growing or not. If it is, even a fraction of a millimeter can make it hurt more.

I am so tired and have a very short fuse with the kids. I realize that it is probably all because I am constantly dealing with pain. I don't remember life without pain. I hope that getting rid of this tumor, however the best way is to do that, will alleviate the pain in my hip & thigh. That is what we all hope. I feel bad about my short ability to concentrate with the children. I just have no patience. It is so hard sometimes.

Newest news is that we have Zimrah back; our nanny from last year. She traveled back to her home in New Zealand for many months, and like a boomerang came back to us. We are thrilled about that. At present we have two different nanny's; one who is two days a week, and one is three. The one who is three days a week told us a few weeks ago that she has to leave us in April, so Zimrah coming back is very timely for that! The one who is two days a week we will let go of; we are fine with that. She's kind, but not our ideal nanny, just extra hands when needed. So, Zimrah will be full time with us again, and she is living with us, as well. It's good for us, and also for her. We feel very thankful for this turn of events!!

Robert & I are planning to go out to dinner tonight. We haven't had quiet time together in a long time. I could use reconnecting with him at this juncture; I'm sure we both could.