About today.... *and* about Tomorrow

With gratitude to the loved ones who helped me out for this whole day of travel and the doctor visit... Rivka K., Miriam G., Barbara W. especially! I couldn't have done it without you. Cyber flower arrangements for all of you. :-)



It feels hard to start to recap the day; I am tired, and still processing it all. But I want to try because tomorrow it may not be as clear.

Getting to Ichilov Hospital a bit early, I bought a sandwich, and soon met my sister-in-law Rivka. She bought the same yummy sandwich. ...roasted eggplant, yellow peppers, goat cheese & pesto. [My mother-in-law, may her memory be for a blessing, always used to weave stories using all the details of what made it meaningful for her. *All* the details. So, Mom, the details of our sandwiches was written for you :-)]

Then on we went to the outpatient clinic to register and wait... and wait.... and wait... It was good, though. We used the time to write down all the issues I want to address (she is so organized). When they finally called my name, we went in and were greeted by a doctor who wasn't the one I came to see. OK, I thought, maybe he's the 'pre-visit information gatherer'. Rivka actually asked him if he's like the doorman at the bar, checking to see if you qualify to go in. Turns out he was under the impression that he'd be the doctor who'd take my case today. After talking to me and reading my file, he was salivating to take on this very interesting case. He called in his buddies. Asked me to undress for an exam. I looked at Rivka, she looked at me, and I went to the curtain/ bed area and got ready for the exam, still thinking this is routine to have an exam before you see the head of the department. Then Rivka asked him if Dr. Gur (pronounced "Goor"; he's the one I came to see) is coming for the exam or what? They said that the exam is with them, it's not written in my file that I am here to see Dr. Gur. Then I chimed in from behind the curtain that I am here to see Dr. Gur, and I am a patient of his from 10 months ago. They were visibly disappointed, but sent us back to the waiting room to wait for the Big Cheese.

After another hour or so (both of us talking to a very pregnant woman in the waiting room), my name was called to see Dr. Gur.

He remembered me, and his face was as kind as I had remembered it. As he was re-reading his notes from the visit 10 months ago, I mentioned also that I had been referred to him by Rav Firer last year, and he nodded in reminded confirmation. When he had to step out for a minute, Rivka also said he seems kind and mensch-like. She had a good feeling. I trust her feelings. We go wayyyy back..:-)

So, after he was done reading, he asked me to tell him what has been going on since then. I had the two issues to discuss; one about the tumor situation, and the other about reconstruction possibilities. Tumor comes first, obviously.

He read the interpretation document of the MRI, then looked at the disk in his computer to see the tumor. He remarked that it is in a position that clearly would cause lots of pain. At first I thought that statement was simply reflecting my words which I told him that I have been in pain for almost a year. Later, Rivka told me she heard it differently; that he commented that the pain I have is real and justified, and we need to work to resolve it. It's so good to have another set of ears, you know?

First thing about treating this tumor is that I need an orthopedist, not a plastic surgeon. He said the graft won't be involved. He also *very* highly suggested an orthopedic specialist whom he knows in Assaf Harofe hospital in Rechovot (about an hour drive north for me from my home). This orthopedic surgeon specializes in hip & thigh problems, and Dr. Gur had very high accolades for him, personally (his care for his patients) & professionally. OK, so I'll get in touch with him.

But, not before I go to see the ID doctor (see 'nickname codes' at right of blog), also from Ichilov. He & Dr. Gur are well acquainted associates. It was so important for me to clarify what comes first, and what is the list of priorities. Dr. Gur raised a crucial point that I need a "father for the case"; someone to be central in the orchestration of treatment for me. I haven't had that, and it has been very challenging to get what I need (as you all know). We all decided together that the logical choice is the ID doctor, Professor Giladi (geel-ah-Dee). Any procedure that is being discussed has to be handled first through him because of the Strep A problem and the antibiotic problem. The ID doctor can discuss the best way to go about getting rid of the tumor based on his knowledge of the infection issues we are dealing with; weather or not to biopsy, how to get rid of it, etc. So, I will make that appointment early next week. I hope he'll agree to be the coordinator of my treatment, or as Gur put it, the "abba [father] of the file".

He examined me with gentle hands. There was no poking and prodding my skin graft this time, and he recognized out loud that there is marked improvement from the last time he saw it. There are some legions on and around the graft that may be fungal in nature, and he suggested that I go to a dermatologist to get that taken care of.

So:
Step 1: call Professor Giladi (ID) and make an appointment
Step 2: call orthopedic surgeon Gur recommended
Step 3: go to dermatologist to take care of legions on graft
Step 4: deal with tumor problem, and recover from that.
Step 5: Plan reconstruction surgery with Dr. Gur.

The discussion of the reconstruction surgery followed. It would involve two procedures. First, two balloons will be surgically inserted into my thigh and stomach, under the skin. [Oh! I just realized I forgot to ask about repairing the hernia of the stomach wall muscle.... OK, I'll jot that down for next time]. Then, for *three months* I'll have to blow up the balloons to stretch the skin. I assume I'd be wearing lots of loose clothes for those months! Dr. Gur made sure I knew that there are risks involved; infection risks with the insertion of a foreign body (the balloons) under the skin, and the risk that balloon can tear or break. This all needs to be discussed with Dr. Giladi. Would I be on antibiotics the whole three months? More importantly, *which* antibiotic? The antibiotic allergy problem is a big puzzle for me that I hope there is a solution for. Anyway, after the three months of stretching skin, the next surgery is to do the final closure of Gapey. He said it's not complicated, but not entirely simple. [I also forgot to ask if he has done this exact thing before. Jotting that down, too, for next time.]
Both the first and second surgeries would require a 5 day hospital stay and a week or two of recovery at home.

When I said to Dr. Gur that for me, the reconstruction surgery is the closure of this chapter for me, I felt tears well up in my eyes. My face got flushed, and he saw it. He understood. Closure. I still don't really believe it is possible, but I am ready to try. I am planning on it.

Before Rivka and I parted ways, we found a place to have a big plate of sushi together (yummm!). That was so great. We got to rehash the appointment, and also caught up in general with each other in the type of 'matters-of-the-heart' discussions that we naturally fall into when ever we are together.
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Will all these medical issues be in the past at some point? What would that feel like? Rivka suggested I write an outcome; create what I want to see in my life in two years.... ten years.... when I'm 90..... How will it be to turn this daily reality into history?

I want to write it. I want to develop, or transform my character to make the shift from an individualistic focus [like how it is now], to joining Robert and the children in thier lives fully.

I'm going to walk that path... and it won't hurt.