Not much new, but I just have to write

I just called Ichilov hospital, and they told me my case hasn't been attended to yet. It's been a month, and I am in pain. I told the secretary that, and she said she'd pass on the message to Prof. Bikels. Everything takes so long.

I accepted work tomorrow morning (Tuesday) with the orchestra. My [ex]partner called two days ago to ask if I can do them, and I was in the mood to accept it. It will just be two concerts, about three hours of work. I told im that I am interested in playing the really good concerts, the ones with good conductors and fulfilling music. He said we'd talk Tuesday about it. I am not committing ot anything unless it is something I'd love to play. I do miss playing great music. I did it for 25 years of my life... that goes for something.

Still dealing with slight ear discomfort, and depression connected to the "time period" I am in now. Got some good responses from my NF list, here are a few:

Sarah,
I just wanted to say that you have finally put into words what I have been felling all these years. Very well wrote. This is to Heather too. First Happy re-birthday to the both of ya. Second, I wanted to let you both know that I am 9 years post NF and it does get better but you never forget. Im not sure even when it happen but I look back now and realize that thinking about NF doesnt consume my every thought of every minute of every day anymore. For many years flashbacks of my NF experience seem to come at me constantly but now they are fewer and fewer. Though they do seem to come at me more when its closer to the anniversary date. Or certain smells that I associate with having had NF bring them back. I had NF December 1999 very close to christmas so all of those sights and sounds trigger memories but this last year I must admit that I didnt even think about the day until it had passed. I can remember I used to talk about it to anyone and everyone. I would show people i never even knew my battle wounds just so they could somehow grasp even a little tiny bit the life altering experience that I went through. They never could. People go back to their lives now that youre "out of trouble" they are not reminded daily of the pain and the surrealness that you have endured. Eventually though it just becomes of a part of who you are now. The new and even though there may have been parts of you mentally physically emotionally left behind, improved you goes on too. You are stronger. smarter, more compassionate. I am no longer [name], I am [name], NF Survivor. Whew...it took me a long time to get here but reading your story reminded me of where I was and how far I have come. Hang in there it does get better. Never what it was but better than it is now.

And also this, from the original woman I wrote my response to:

My God Sarah you said it all for me. I have trouble expressing myself in writing. I am a talker. Tears to my eyes came and so true all of it.
We have each each other here.
Heather

And this from a woman on our list who is the wife on an NF survivor:

I don't think that God or anybody wants us to forget our trials and tribulations that we personally and our family members have experienced as a result of necrotizing fasciitis. The uncounted surgeries, being in ICU, skin grafts, rehabilitation, for some of the folks, amputation. I am not a survivor, however, my husband has been diagnosed with nf twice -- the second time, neither his doctor or nurse would come in the examining room due to the stench of dead tissue. He just called for an ambulance and Dan was whisked off to Barnes Jewish Hospital it St. Louis on July 7 and was discharged home after a stay at the Rehabilitation Institute on August 14. We all know of the major adjustments that have been made to our personal and family lives and sometimes it's more than we can comprehend. Being the primary caregiver, working a full time job, running errands after work, and taking care of a three story, six bedroom, six bathroom home sometimes gets to be a bit much. I have had to seek assistance on dealing with stress through EAP via my employer. Stress and I don't work together at all.
But I cherish the thought and praise God that you all have survived this dreaded disease. It is so debilitating. But I do keep remembering that God told us that He would not give us more than we could bear. Not only are you all survivors, but you are strong survivors.

So there you have it. Other people's trials and tribulations, not so different than mine. Putting these letters on the blog is like showing my scars, like needing to show justification for how I am after this disease.

I guess how I am is how I am, and there is nothing more to it than that.