Ok, so I am not such a hero

I had two days without the Percocet. Headaches, flu symptoms, bone aches. Today I am so sick feeling, like I have a high fever. (but I don't, don't worry). And, my leg is h u r t i n g . s o . m u c h, and I don't have any other pain killer. Nothing so far works, and even the Percocet doesn't work so well. But I just took one. I talked about it with Robert, and I am just not able to not have a pain killer at this time. But anything stronger than Percocet seems like it'd put me out of commission. But, I will talk about it with my GP when I see her next week (Monday).

I remember this flu-like feeling from when I got back from the hospital after NF. Now I realize that it was detox from all the morphine. I didn't know that then, and I felt awful for weeks. I just thought it was general weakness/ flu like symptoms because of all I'd just been through. But now I feel it very similar to that, and I know it's the narcotic thing. It's too bad my doctors didn't know this, they could've tapered me off slowly to make things easier.

In the meantime, I took the Percocet. I feel that at this time I don't have any other choice, it is just too hard. I will talk about it to my GP, and I pray she'll have an idea of how to proceed. Or maybe I'll ask her to speed things up for me to get to the pain clinic here.

But the truth is that it's not about pain killers. Those are just temporary. It's about having this disease that seems inoperable, and not yet having any other solutions. Not today, anyway. And probably not next week, either.

You can't imagine how that feels. Well, some of you probably can, actually.