How do I get out of this vicious cycle of ups & downs??

Things are getting just a bit too hard. With no babysitter, things are getting unmanageable. Robert's father is still in critical condition lying in the ICU with no treatment plan, and Robert is rightfully consumed with worries, research, emotions, and general malaise.

I am getting that 'way-overtired' thing going on. I had a good week last week, doing more than I had in a long while. (except for the minor detail of crashing up my car). This week it's been just beyond reach, just barely able to tread water and keep my head above it. Sometimes I go under for a few seconds. I am so exhausted, and of course with that, the pain is worse.

And with that all, the depression is setting in. More crying, sensitivity, short fuse with the children. I want to give to them what they need and want; me. I want them, too. I miss being able to give, and then put them to bed with the satisfaction of a good day. I love these kids more than anything in the entire world, and then some. I miss being OK, so I can give them an OK mommy.

I am just so tired.
It's a bit manic, sort of, you know?

(BTW- we did interview a babysitter this morning. She seemed very good for us, and we'll hire her, but there is one problem: she is pregnant with her first baby. It's not a problem in the sense of that I am happy for her and want the best for her, but it means we have her for only about 5 months. I'll take it, but it's not ideal).