Thursday, November 12, 2009

Two steps forward, one step back

The visit with Dr. Litman went well. I have decided to go with his program and start taking large doses of certain vitamins, herbs and probiotics. He wrote a list of blood tests to do, and from there we'll decide how to proceed for my particular needs. I feel good about movement in a new direction. Movement at all from my situation, toward healing, is welcome. I am doing something, taking matters into my hands, trying to head off more health issues. I hope also to get off all the pills (gradually, over a year or so) and feel stronger and more balanced with this program. He is an "orthomolecular" medical doctor. "Ortho" means to straighten (like as in orthodontist), and molecular is, well, molecular. To straighten things out on the molecular level.

I am too tired and in a funk at the moment to write more details. I just feel like I owe an update.

I went to the physiotherapy institute today to finally do the evaluation for PT and hydrotherapy. Again, the person assigned to evaluate me was surprised to see someone as put together as me sitting in front of her. It seems just incongruous to new medical people reading my case for the first time. But then, like usual, they see my grafts and scars, and understand that the range of motion in my hip is very limited, and thankfully take me seriously. I'll be getting PT either once or twice a week, and we are waiting on the hydrotherapy approval. I'm starting next week.

We don't have a babysitter for this evening. Robert has a big translation project to do. I am not having a great 2nd half of the day because I have been up since 5:30am, when Wazi woke up with a nightmare. I wish we didn't need babysitters every evening. Robert is sick of hearing me say "I can't". Truth is, I can. I can push and push and get everyone fed and to bed and make it happen. But everyone says to me I shouldn't. I am 3 weeks past an appendectomy, and all the other stuff. Sometimes we can't "take care of ourselves"; or it comes at an expense. I am not always able to reconcile myself with that price. I push because sometimes I have to. We all do.

Robert verbalized today that he is fed up with my limitations, also. It was in a moment of stress, but it stung.
And I understand him.


  1. Hopefully pt and hydrotherapy will help you get back on your feet again and the new doctor will help your body to heal itself.

    I can understand Robert's pain. It is hard to be on the supporting side of an illness too. It's not easy on either side. You both will get through it.

  2. I'll be getting your email bos now. Reaaly happy about that. Just know that I'm holding you in my heart...

    I wanted to let Robert know that there is a wonderful website for caregiving spouses. I've signed up and find it really helpful to have a place to vent...