Trying to have patience with these trials

(this is one of those posts that I write a caveat that it is not for the weak of heart... viewer discretion is advised)

*I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!* What is it that Gd wants from me?? I am ready to hear it. I'm all ears, I'm all open heart, I'm all weakened of body, but not spirit. Please speak, my Master, I am listening!!!

Two nights ago I was up more than half the night with a killer migraine. Many drugs later I was able to get to sleep. I woke at 6AM to remnants of the same migraine, and the sun was hurting my head. I put on those airplane blinders over my eyes, and went back to sleep. Woke up at 11:30, no headache, but completely weak. My youngest son, Azriel, was home with a fever, and Robert had to go to work, and I was not ready at all to get out of bed or take care of him. So, we brought toys up to my room, and Azriel played on my floor. Next thing I knew, it was 3PM and Azriel and I both woke up in my bed. I don't know when he came to sleep with me. Thank Gd he was OK; I fell asleep on duty looking after him. Not a proud mommy moment.

Then we get to later that very same day- yesterday- Monday. After I (us, actually, Wazi & I) woke at 3pm, I got dressed (don't be too impressed, the definition of "dressed" is objective), greeted the children at the usual times, and the babysitter came at her usual time, and life seemed normal. Homework, dinner, calm evening, these were the blessings of yesterday evening. Until 9pm hit. Holey camoley, my diegstive system went *haywire*. Nausea, vomiting (2x), and the whole rest of the night the runs. Like 6 or 7 times. Couldn't even get 10 minutes of sleep, my stomach hurt so much. Robert stayed up with me a lot, but he konked out at 2ish, he is just plain exhausted.

I felt like I was dying.

I am also pretty sure that the second throw-up left me with the gift of another hernia. I felt it happen. This one is on the right side, directly under the appendectomy incision. When I cough, it pops out. My stomach wall muscles are very weak; we knew that. That issue was also reported to me by the surgeon who did the appendectomy. (as a side note, he also reported that I have cysts on my ovaries.) I was working on strengthening my abdomen and pelvic floor muscles before my hip surgery. I was going to the gym 2x/week, and the hydrotherapy/ swimming. I thought I'd be back to the gym by now.

Now here's the deal: I know anyone can have violent a stomach virus hit suddenly. I know anyone can have a bad migraine for a night. I know anyone can have an acute appendicitis. I know anyone can have a car accident. I know anyone can get PVNS (well, one in a million, anyway, OK, not anyone) and need arthroscopic surgery to remove the tumor. I also know anyone can get Bursitis. As far as NF & PTSD, well... we'll stop there. But all the other stuff... within two months, even day after day... HELLO! What's with me!!?? Let me just live my life!!

My girlfriend (J) suggested I consider the Jewish tradition of changing your name, or taking on another one to add to yours, so to "confuse the evil eye", with the hope of diverting more bad things from happening. Then she suggested I take on the name 'Job'. Sarah Job. It's got a ring to it, doesn't it. I told her I'd consider it. (BTW- don't worry, Mom & Dad- I am not really considering putting Job in my name, it is tongue-in-cheek).

When I was in college at Boston University, I had the honor of learning with Elie Wiesel. The class was on the Book Of Job. It was quite eye-opening for me, but I think I was too young to really get all there was to get from it. What I do know is that Job got everything back in the end.

It's just that, at the time, he had no idea if that would ever happen.