Sunday, December 27, 2009

Sounds like a plan

Here is how I plan to start living my days:

  • Wake at a normal hour in the morning (still working on that one)
  • Walk Emma (and myself) while drinking coffee from my travel mug
  • Come home and eat a bit

  • --work on my book-- (started today! Thanks for the push yesterday, Moshe)

  • eat a good lunch
  • greet/ pick-up children
  • be available for my kids/make dinner/help with homework
(this sometimes will be with a babysitter, but that is only twice a week now)

  • baths/ bedtimes for all the kids
  • quiet time for mommy (and daddy, if he is home from work)

--Intermittently help women have babies, but not full time. One birth a month is the plan.--

I guess since Robert went away a few weeks ago, I got the opportunity to test my stamina and emotional ability. I learned that I am really capable, and am not scared anymore to take care of the kids in afternoons/evenings alone. It isn't a piece of cake, but I can do it, and I get satisfaction from it. My kids are a bit older now than they were when I first got sick, and things go a bit smoother.

My babysitter gave notice and quit already. She is pregnant, and she felt it was just getting too much. I was completely OK with it- I didn't get panicky at all. I still have the other girl a few times a week until March, and I'm happy with that. I am slowly phasing out of needing a nanny.

There were so many blog entries that I never thought this time would come. I never thought I could manage without a nanny again. Never thought that I could give my children what they need from me. Between the physical problems and pain, and the PTSD/depression/noise sensitivity, I could not even dream of getting to this stage.

I am becoming whole again. I am getting teary eyed just writing this. Isn't it just an amazing sight? I sometimes look at it from the outside and can't believe this is me.

We want to do a "seudat hodaya" soon- translation: a meal to express gratitude to Hashem for preforming miracles [regarding medical issues, usually]. The gratitude extends to all those included, as well. I want to do a modest catered meal. Again, I couldn't imagine being ready to do this. I kept waiting, and kept not being ready to fully feel- or give- gratitude to Hashem.

I know my health is forever changed, and there will always be issues to deal with. The PVNS could rear it's ugly head, I may go on Imatinib. There are the skin graft and hernia issues, and possible reconstruction surgery. Aside from that, none of us can know what to expect, but we'll handle it as it happens.

Am I coming to the end of blogging? Can't say that one yet. I am pretty addicted to journaling. I do expect to change my focus to my book, so we'll see what happens.

You guys will still stay with me even when I am strong and healthy? :-)


  1. Funny - I was reading through this with the melody running through my brain for Eishet Chail. Completely unintentional, just suddenly realized I was humming it while reading.

  2. nope. I'm gonna drop you like a hot potato!

    just kidding!

    love you!

  3. Looks like you are really having a positive outlook. I'm so glad that you are gaining your confidence and stamina back. Woohoo!!

  4. Like that could even be a remote possibility! I think you're stuck with us!

    Love, Miriam