Tuesday, January 12, 2010

*Not* drifting off to sleep

It's after 1am, and I've been trying to sleep for two hours now.
I took the first half of a sleeping pill two hours ago, to no avail.
Now I just took the other half.

I want to be *off them*, and I feel impatient for that to happen.
But, I just took the other half.
It is what it is,
I say to myself.

I am on high alert-- less at ease-- because Robert isn't home tonight. I feel insecure.
Tomorrow morning (today, that is) after I get the kids off to school, I am going to Tel Aviv, to the orthopedic oncologists with my recent MRI .
I already packed all the lunches. Things are planned.
Kids are blissfully, innocently asleep.
But I am not sleeping.
My soul is in a state of dis-ease...
Dis-ease... unease... is that what brings on disease?

post script: Azriel just came upstairs to me-- it's 2am. He is now sleeping in Robert's bed, and it is nice for both of us.
And that's what being a mother is about.

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