So now what?

Prof Meller and I aren't on the same page. It is impossible for us to be- he sees an MRI that has no PVNS, and I feel pain on a daily-hourly-minutely basis. He pointed out that MRI's don't show us where pain is, they only show us where things may be unusual. And in as much as he said my MRI looks like a war zone, he is confident that there is no PVNS or any other disease in my thigh or hip joint. He suggested there might be vague evidence of osteoarthritis, but it is hard to quantify. There is also so much nerve damage that it is hard to know what is from what.

He referred me to the big pain clinic at Soroka, where there is a wait many months long. Also he encouraged me to keep up with the hydrotherapy, which I am. It's starting up again this week.

A friend pointed out to me today that Rav Kook said that if you feel your body, there is something wrong. That is what daily pain is like- feeling your body all the time. And the gapey issues- nerve twangs and itching/discomfort all the time.

I don't identify myself with being a sufferer of "chronic pain". I have a specific set of circumstances, have been through diseases and surgeries in one specific region of my body, and it is that region that hurts all the time. Often it is less than what it was before the surgery, but sometimes, I tell ya- I feel right back where I started when we hadn't yet discovered the PVNS. I still intrinsically feel that there is something wrong in my leg to be causing all this.
I am choosing to not start with the pain killer medicine scene, though. Too stressful, and the only ones which actually dull the pain also dull all my senses. That isn't an option. Apparently the pain clinic has unexplored options- acupuncture, nerve blocks that are long lasting, who knows what else. I'll wait my turn and tell a new doctor, yet again, the whole story.

I am seeing all sorts of signs now that it is time to use humor as a way of life. I know I have a pretty live-wire sense of humor, but I could laugh more. The book that I read by Norman Cousins speaks of that as a necessity in dealing with any illness.
Again, mentioning Rav Kook, I found this on what he says about joy and happiness in one's day:

"Delight and joy must accompany your every spiritual endeavor."

"Only when you delight and rejoice in each fine and positive deed will you have the enthusiasm to act in the most ideal manner and add to your deeds every day." (Eder Hayakar, p. 117)

The month of Adar is upon us, and with that, humor is up on our calendar. It is the month of Purim, and all the songs about Adar are going around now... "When Adar comes, joy increases"...
Gotta get me a piece of that.
I did, actually buy my Purim wig today... but it's gonna be a surprise. I took a special piece of clothing from my Mother-in-law's closet. It is a garment she bought overseas, and I plan to wear it this year. With my new wig. :-)

And I agreed to participate in the women's Megillah reading-- to read (with the special tune/cantillation marks) one of the chapters. It is the first year in three years- since I got sick- that I committed to get back in there. That is good.

Whadyall think of this product that Robert found on the net; it's a mineral rich clay that one ingests.

Whaddya think?
http://www.sierrasil.com/toxic_lifestyles.php

I wrote to my vitamin doctor to get his opinion, too.

OK, insomnia giving way to the two sleeping pills I took a little while ago. So much for weaning off of them. Maybe in the future...