birthday, 2010

Yesterday was my 42nd birthday. It was a really great day! I started the day with my work-out at the studio with my personal trainer. I had the realization, while doing the stretches, that I have less pain. It was really remarkable- the realization that I have less pain. It is an overall improvement, actually. When was the last time you read me talking about present pain? It's been a few weeks. When we got back from America I had a pretty high amount of pain. But over the past few weeks, it is markedly less. So much so that I forget to take notice! That was a miracle birthday realization.

Then I went out on a coffee date with a beloved friend. There was a time that she & I tried to meet at least every few weeks to drink coffee and catch up with each other. Recently, though, life has gotten so busy; she is taking classes, and the whole America trip with me; we hadn't met in along time. It was sooooo wonderful!!!! It was the perfect birthday gift. We sat in our usual cafe, talked non-stop, drank coffee, read her poems, got teary-eyed, and ate stuff, too. It was beautiful.

Then I took an afternoon nap because I felt a migraine coming on. That wasn't good. I took medicine and rested. Lots of people called to wish me a happy birthday, but I left the phone alone- I needed the rest. When I got up, the headache was relentless, and I had clients coming. I took a half of Percocet to get rid of the headache. That got me a bit light-headed, but it got rid of the headache. I taught for 2 1/2 hours.

Then I realized my head was totally spinning. I wanted to go to sleep, but the babysitter needed to be driven home, and 2 kids were still awake. I decided on driving the babysitter and leave the kids to Robert.

I got back and Robert was asleep- he had an almost sleepless night the night before because of preparing for a new job he started. So, I had to "close up shop"-- walk Emma, put away remaining dinner food, wipe crumbs to avoid ants, hang up wet towels from showers, and then eventually I got upstairs to go to bed.

I was totally spinning... but emotionally I felt great. I felt strong, and I felt great hope that this year will be a strong one. It was a phenomenal feeling. But physically, by night fall, I was a dish rag.

This morning (Thursday) I couldn't get up. I needed to drink, take vitamins and meds, and eat. I couldn't get out of bed until after 12... or was it 1? I don't know. No, it was after 2- I remember now- the boys were already home from their early school day on Thursdays. Robert was napping. I (slowly, dizzily) made lunch for the boys, and did my vitamins, meds, and ate something.

The dizziness didn't pass. The headache came back very strong. I got back into bed. That is where I am right now. Every time I get up, the world shifts in my head. Not pleasant. I also have a respiratory cough thing going on, but I don't think it's related.

I think the dizziness and headache could be related to the weaning off of the medicine I am doing. It is a real bummer. I was supposed to go to a wedding in Jerusalem this evening. *Really* close friends, and I have been looking forward to it for a while. Robert & I were going to go together; he'd stay only for the chuppah (ceremonial part of the wedding), and I'd stay for the celebration, too. I couldn't go. Robert went to represent both of us, and to give brachot to the family. I am so sad to miss it. And I still feel lousy. The babysitter is downstairs, thankfully.

So, my birthday was very positive this year; I feel like this year will be a turn-around. I am sure the pain is lessening, and I feel so strong, which I know sounds weird with feeling head-achey, dizzy and sick right now.

Life is full of paradox, isn't it. (hat tip to MM.)