Thursday, April 15, 2010

"I told'ja so"

This week, after the back-to-back births:

I got Dov's glasses switched for new frames (under warranty) (Ya'akov found his glasses).
I made appointments for Shifra's medical tests.
I took Dov to the dentist and got his stubborn baby tooth pulled.
I did three post-natal follow-ups, each one around 2 hours, at the new parents' houses.
I picked up the orchestra parts that I am going to play soon.
I practiced a few times.
I did 5 loads of laundry.
I put away winter coats.
I made three good meals.
I did a work-out
I had hydrotherapy
I practiced Shifra's piano lesson with her a few times.
I got to spend a bit of quality time with Robert.

--Exhausted myself beyond all normal limits.--

started taking some pain meds again,
after 6 months without them.

I then finally was able to reject a new client who called for a May birth.

On my plate now is:

Being a *back-up* for one birth with the due date of next week
a commitment to a couple for birth prep course
A pending commitment to another couple for two meetings of prenatal refresher course (I can still not accept them if I choose- there is no formal agreement yet)
Commitments to the orchestra in May.

Maybe I'll skip out on the two-meetings couple and only do the one couple who I committed to for the prenatal course.
I have to be so strong and committed to *myself* to do that.

I was talking to my friend today about how it feels to reject a pregnant lady looking for support; it feels like a fireman standing before a blazing building, fully equipped with hoses and water to put it out, and saying "I choose not to".

To that Lily said: but starting to put out the fire isn't enough, you will want to go in and save people, and endanger yourself as well.

I push, I pull back, I push, I pull back. I am in the school of hard knocks, I don't think any of you would disagree with that.

I think I want to be at home and be a mother and home maker.
Working always backfires on me. (but I have two successful careers; what do I do with them?) I just have to get that picture out of my head about the fireman choosing not to put out the fire, but it is that intense for me, you know?

Tell me, are all of you saying "I was going to tell you so"?

1 comment :

  1. You know your image of the fireman? Imagine him on crutches with a broken leg. Sure he could go and try and put the fire out, he sure has the skills. But right now, he doesn't have the capability. He would not only be unsuccessful in putting out the fire, he might injure himself further.
    Far better to call the fire service to come rather than try himself.
    Hugs xx