Sunday, May 23, 2010


Now I am so confused. I've literally been crying all day (migraine on the way...).

I just got a strong and heartfelt warning about the mesh that they use in the surgeries for hernias. My therapist, Lily, who has been gone for over a month just came back from helping out her sister in the hospital. This sister, too, had a mesh over her stomach wall muscle. It was put in three years ago to repair a hernia. This present hospitalization was to remove the mesh because after three years, it started causing infection. It was making her very sick. So they took out the mesh and just sewed her up (not Lily, her sister).

That also happened to me when I got my original hernia fixed three years ago. Then I got very sick, got a crazy bacteria 4 days later, and they took out the mesh. In my case, it wasn't clear if that mesh was what was the cause of the infection, though, but it certainly was a candidate. (and that was a tiny mesh- here we are talking about a H U G E one over more than half my stomach).

So, where does this all lead me. I need another opinion. I'll get back on the phone with Rav Fisher and see if he can help me with that.

The thought of not doing the surgery... not repairing... not moving forward. I have a deep need to repair and protect my war-torn body.

Maybe I am supposed to just work to protect my war-torn soul. Today that soul is crying.

1 comment :

  1. Sarah:

    Just got caught up on your blog. So sorry that you are having such an up and down time with the thoughts of doing the hernia repair. It sounds like so much to look at, think about, and digest. None of that is easy. Sounds like you are on a roller coaster of hope, then despair. Remember that you don't have to make a decision now. You have time. Make a list of questions. Don't stew about them. Talk to this doc about your concerns.

    Remember to look at your priorities right now. Time with God, time with your kids, time for yourself, time with your husband. Try to get those things in. Don't judge your situation or your feelings. Just be.

    Also, totally unrelated to this specific post but it popped into my mind. Does Robert really need to go to the US to help his family go through his dad's house? Will he need it for closure or does he feel like it's a responsibility required of him as a son and brother? Sometimes the things that we feel we "have" to do really aren't, when it comes right down to it.