emunah

I went to the family doctor today to have some insurance papers signed, and got home 3 hours later...

My doctor reminded me that I have to have a check-up with an anesthesiologist before the surgery. They had told me at the hospital in Tel Aviv that I could do that here in Be'er Sheva, and they left it in my hands.

My hands forgot.

So thankfully my doctor reminded me today.
When I left the clinic, I decided to go to the hospital (not Soroka- "Assuta" in Be'er Sheva- a branch of the private hospital in Tel Aviv where I am having the surgery) to make an appointment instead of calling, so I'd make sure I'd have an appointment made immediately.

Turns out that appointments are available only for mid July... after my surgery date.

Then the secretary noticed that there is a cancellation for *today*, an hour & a half from the time I was there.

I did a little shopping, got bathing suits on sale for the kids, and went back for the anesthesiologist appointment.

Went through the whole shock thing with a new doctor asking my medical history. They just cannot believe it when I go through the NF story, the PVNS story, and top it off with the appendicitis.

Then they ask what I am allergic to... that usually brings us to the question "what *do* you get for antibiotics?"

In the end, my blood pressure is naturally bit low, weight and height perfectly normal.

They are always impressed at how regular and normal I am. Always so shocked to hear what I have been through.

It is sinking in that I am going to do this surgery. My faith is getting stronger... I am working on it actively. I'm reading a great book on emunah, and Robert is a great asset in this realm.

I'm gonna get stronger through this. I am also exploring my feelings about the reconstruction surgery which I had hoped for in the future. Maybe my emunah will guide me to trust my body and accept it's shape, and change my physical survival into that of the soul... which doesn't need bodily comforts to thrive.

Taking this to the next level of challenge... letting my emunah lead me, and know that Hashem knows what is best for each one of us as individuals.

Body...soul... neither will be perceived as falling apart when there is a high level of emunah.

This is my next step in preparation for this surgery. All the tests have been done (I think), and I am getting organized. I think I have a live-in nanny set up for 6 weeks. I am using this week to plan and pack for Dov, labeling everything with his name, shopping for last minute stuff.

I am trying to float along my given path, and trust. Trust. Hashem is steering the wheel, and I am pressing the acceleration and/or brakes.