Friday, July 16, 2010

visiting day with no parents

Whoa, so much pain. The surgeon warned me, but talking about pain and experiencing it are two totally different things. I can barely move without a knife jabbing me in my gut. Percocet takes some of the edge off, but not all. If I take another non-narcotic in between the Percocets, that helps a little more, but I think what I really need is two Percocets. I haven't tried the oxycod yet, I'll try that next before two Percocets.

But at the moment what hurts more than the surgical pain is the emotional pit in my stomach about not being able to visit Dov on camp visiting day. I can't stop crying about that. It is just a lost opportunity, it never can be replaced. He cried on the phone today, and my heart is broken.

I am Shattered.

My Dovie, I am so sorry that my health problems cause you to cry. I'd have turned the world upside down to come see you today, or send Abba, if we could've. I wish I could change it. I'd do anything to change it.

I can't believe I had to let him down this way.
My heart is just broken.


  1. I'm so sorry the pain is hard to take. Also sorry you couldn't be there for Dov on visiting day. I'd bet, though, that his tears are as much about worry for you as they are for not having someone there on visiting day. He is resilient. He got to talk to you. He was aware that all this was happening while he was going to be away at camp. I'd bet he was aware that he might not have visitors on visiting day. I'd also bet he's not the only one who didn't have a parent come. So, not that it's an ideal situation but he will be fine. He knows you love him, he knows you would go if you could, and he knows you are ok. He will be ok too and he will be home again soon. Concentrate on healing.

  2. Thanks so much, Sandra. You are so right about it all. I finally did get to work through my emotional pain after talking with a good friend who helped me make the distinction between blaming myself and understanding circumstances. In the end, just before Shabbat I spoke to Dov one more time by calling his counselor. He was good, and we had a good talk, and I felt much better after that. He is resilient, and very spiritual. We'll be fine.:-)