Thursday, August 19, 2010

The beginning of the end?

My MRI results are in, and it is *clear*. Baruch Hashem!! The report said there is no change since the last MRI, which was done in Feb 2010, after the PVNS excision surgery. No change. Wow. That is amazing news. My thigh pain is pretty minimal, too. Not totally gone, but I can ignore it most of the time. My recent surgical recovery pain masks anything else, anyway. We'll have to wait and see when I'm not taking any pain killers any more, and my belly feels back to normal.

So, once I heal from this surgery, and praying that the PVNS will stay away for a good long time, I am............. done? Can I lead a pain-free life [relatively] without a surgical procedure hanging over my head? Am I fixed, after three years of breaking? (I am just writing that sentence to see it written. I am far from believing it.)

Have I finally learned what Hashem wants me to learn with this health crisis?
I have learned that the souls He has lent me, and trusted me to raise and love, these souls need me. They need me, and it is my job to do everything in my power to do this G-dly work. They need me more than the orchestra does, more than pregnant ladies do, and more than I could have given if I had another baby.

That is really saying a lot... those things are all life-giving work.
Orchestral music resonates with the heartbeat of creation.
Pregnant ladies resonate with the heartbeat of creation.
And another baby... well, perhaps the heartbeat and resonance of this family wouldn't have endured that much creation.

Perhaps one day soon, my own heartbeat will fall into a resonating groove, it'll come into tune, and what can be created in that condition... they sky's the limit.


  1. What a wonderful way to begin the New Year. May you go from strength to strength!

  2. Sarah: I'm so thrilled for you. I do pray this is the beginning of the end, so you can begin your life anew. And what wonderful thoughts about taking care of the souls God lent you. That is a beautiful thought, that I will use myself when I find myself getting short tempered with my treasures.

    Hugs, Jackie

  3. Thank God!! I agree with Jackie although my words would be far less eloquent.