Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Fishing for postive messages... help keep my spirits from falling more, please.

There has been a low-grade fever hanging around me for a while now. My family doctor feels it's nothing. It goes down a bit with Advil. Today it got to a new high, but still considered low (37.5C=99.5F). I felt lousy all day today, and yesterday, now that I think about it. No specific pain jumps out at me, just the pain I've been experiencing regularly recovering from the surgery. I'm assuming this is just my body's way of communicating to me that it is working hard to get better.

I am at the five week point now. I was told to cross six weeks off my calendar for this surgery, and I'm not there yet. I know I shouldn't get discouraged, although I *really am*. When I hear from pregnant women who haven't passed their due dates that they want to start natural induction, I say very clearly that they have to have some more patience, and that I don't even consider natural induction possibilities until they are at least 10 days past due date, and are having signs that the baby is ready. So, with my own criteria, I should not already get discouraged.

But I am. I feel sick, and I haven't even come close to returning to mothering my children properly. It's so hard for me to have patience to heal. The days come and the days go, and I'm still not able to join life much.

I never ever want to go through another surgery ever again.
But that may not be realistic for me.

one day at a time...
one prayer at a time.

[and my mother has a spot on her lung that may be cancerous which she needs removed, and Shifra has an important ultrasound tomorrow which may lead either to cyst surgery or hormone treatments to push off the cascade of maturation that has started mysteriously early in her. Please daven for all these three generations: Tova Bat Shaindl, Sarah Rachel Bat Tova, and Shifa Chaya Bat Sarah]


  1. Sarah, why do you think 99.5F is a fever to worry about? Here if it's under 100 it's really not even something to worry about. Is this a case of you feeling so crappy and with your history you are worried about something that you wouldn't normally worry about?

    I know you've been having a horrible five weeks but it really sounds like you are finally turning around. It has been a very slow recovery but now that you are making progress and can start getting around you just have to keep doing your best but not overdoing it. One thing my dh's doctor told us when he was sick for along time; for every day you lay in bed sick it takes you two days to recover. You've been slowly recovering for a while with your extra surgeries, etc and now you've had a hard surgery to recover from. Give your body a break. Try to push yourself a little but don't overdo it. You said yourself that your kids come up and visit with you as they need you. It might be hard for you but know that they are being taken care of when you are resting.

    Also remember that you just took a long day's trip and that may set you back a bit. That's ok. You will get better.

    Not sure if that helps at all. I'm not good for short inspirational sayings.

    A good comedy might be better than sad movies though. :)

  2. Okay, I wish everyone a refuah shelaima! May you find all the patience you need during this time.


  3. I'm not surprised you're feeling crummy. For you, that's a low grade fever, and any fever wears someone down and makes them achy.

    I hope your daughter and mother -- and you -- feel well.