Tuesday, November 2, 2010

soul infusion

In some cosmic way that I don't understand, the passing of my friend RivkA (btw- the spelling that way with the capital letter at the end is her way she spelled it. She wanted to be sure that people pronounced her name with the accent on the last syllable instead of the first, as is commonly done) is helping me to turn a very important corner in my recovery... and in my life in general. I physically feel her love of life infused into me, along with her attitude about coping with illness and adversity. It is a palpable feeling. It's like she sectioned out pieces of her soul at the funeral, and those who needed exactly that, received it.

Her kids and family were everything to her. As are mine. But I have had to work hard to overcome my hardships in order to be able give to my family, and to be there-- really there-- for them. I have a tendency toward negativity (this, I don't have to tell *you*, my readers), and this tendency robs me of happiness. Since her funeral on Saturday night, I have a new dimension to my soul. Completely unexpected, but apparently I was ready. And I remain ready and willing to let in optimism and happiness, and hand it out like cotton candy to those I love. And they are very happy to hold out their hands and receive it.

Segue into the consult yesterday regarding my ultrasound results. As it turned out, I am not able to meet with my surgeon (from the surgery three months ago) for another two weeks. I decided on plan B, which was to call the head of surgery here in Soroka. I have met him a few times in the past, and he has always been pleasant and straight forward. He was available immediately, so we (R & I) went last night, ultrasound in hand. However, before going, I almost canceled a number of times. I don't want surgery any time soon, so I asked Robert why go? Surgeons suggest surgery. That's what they do. Robert talked me into going and at least hearing a second opinion about the ultrasound.

Guess what? He suggested NOT to have surgery!

He did remember me from three years ago. He even rembered which side of my body took the damage, and *even* that I was in a bed near the window. I'm so unforgettable. :-)

After giving a very brief history of my health issues since then, and subsequent surgeries, and telling him I still have pain from the most recent surgery, he said "let's handle you with kid gloves". He absolutely wanted to let me heal and just follow-up about the gall bladder thing in three months. That doesn't mean to have surgery for it in three months; just to follow-up with him and see how it is. He said that if I don't have any more attacks of pain or other symptoms, we'll leave it alone. If I do have more attacks, we may have to take care of it.

And about the kidney thing- he wasn't concerned. The advice there was to make sure the creatinine levels in the blood are stable so we know the kidneys are functioning optimally. The kidneys work out their issues between them if one falls short. Good machines, these bodies of ours.

The medical stuff is only part of my life. There is that stuff, and then there is today. And there is the future.

Much of my life before NF was steeped in negativity, pessimism, and anger.

Anger at life... gone.
Pessimism.. packing it's bags.
Isolation and deep depressions... these thieves are slated to turn themselves around into togetherness and deep simcha.

This I know to be true, no matter what medical issues arise.


  1. Wow, that is amazing. I miss Rivka so much, but I am trying to be friendlier to people, as she modeled. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Thanks, Square Peg. I miss her, too. We are going there today for shiva.