funeral, surgery, and optimistic outlooks

Over a thousand people were at RivkA's funeral last night, it was a profound testimony to who she was. The eulogies were broadcast over speakers outside the overflowing "beit hesped" (eulogy room). For me, one of the saddest things was seeing her 15 year-old son be a pall bearer. I feel so deeply for her husband, and for her children. Thank Gd they have a tremendous support system. I don't know how this week is going to go, but I hope to get to their house this week for a more personal visit. I have a beautiful picture of a radiant RivkA & I dancing at my wedding together that I want to share with her family.

So, we got back at 2am, exhausted emotionally as much as physically.
I medicated myself pretty strongly to make the trip-- the pain in my right side of my back is getting stronger. Then, on the way home, the pain had come back *very* strong, and I used two Voltarens at once together with a few Acamol with codeine, and I got to sleep. A very fitful, light sleep, waking every so often feeling not only the strong ache in my back, but that mixed with feeling sad about the funeral that I just experinced.

This morning I got the results of the ultrasound.
Gall stone (or plural, not sure), and the right kidney (the one that hurts) smaller by 1.5 cm. The reason for this, so the evaluation says, is the outer skin of the kidney is peeled/damaged.

Next step, consult with a surgeon. Possibly gall bladder removal. Which surgeon? Robert will call our medical Rav today and get his opinion. I think I'd prefer to go back to the one who did my surgery three months ago.

Actually, you all probably know what I'd *really* prefer. I know this is NUTS.

I am just trying to handle it all. And be happy. That's what I took with me from RivkA's funeral. Optimism. I'm taking a piece of her and carrying the torch. She didn't let her cancer stop her... until it did. I also will not let this health insanity stop me. I want to be happy for my husband and for my kids. Please Gd help me to be... in the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya.