Visit to the pain doctor

What an intense week. It is completely overwhelming. I knew it would be, but the things scheduled were important enough not to postpone them. I am looking forward to Shabbat and completely resting.

Aside from my two very heavy appointments with all their traveling, I had an appointment for one of my children in between (Tuesday evening) which wound up going quite late. This child has some special needs that are weighing on me, too.

But it's gonna be OK. B'ezrat Hashem.

I traveled to Jerusalem by car (good 'ol Kermit, my little green car) because of the issues with buses and timing. This consult was with a very prominent pain specialist. It was another intense appointment where I left crying.

Turns out that I am not a candidate for the procedure he is best known for-- anesthetizing certain nerves from the spine that cause the pain. My pain is too widespread and different places have different types of pain. It's all on the left side, but some is deep tissue pain, some joint pain (PVNS), and some is outer skin neuropathy. Throw in there my kidney pain (rt side, actually), and we have a map that is too widespread. Even if we don't throw in the kidney pain, the other things going on are too different to be treated equally. He said to treat only one type of pain (the joint pain being the worst) could possibly make the others worse, so we can't go that route. He told me that he is thinking the pharmacological route (more meds to try) and he needs to mull over my case for a few days because it's complicated. He'll call me back on Sunday. He mentioned a few drugs he was thinking about, one of which was medical marijuana. It is ***very*** upsetting that he can't do his anesthesia magic, which would last from 6 months to a year. No upkeep, no drugs to take, just numb where there used to be pain. I *so* wanted that. I have to now start playing with meds again and see what I may be allergic to, and if something does work, I will be stuck to those meds every day. Not what I went for, but it is my only option to maybe get out of pain.

Today I am completely spent. Obviously. My head is spinning. There are so many things to attend to in the house, and with the paperwork that is piling up, and the laundry. I am pining away for Shabbat... a short day and a half away.

Don't feel sorry for me, I have a lot going for myself. All I want is for people to talk to me and lend an understanding ear. I'll get through it, and I thank Gd I'm {{so far}} from alone. *That* is what life is about.