Monday, April 16, 2012

Restorative surgery requires restorative rest.

I don't know where to start, life has been so hard.

I had been planning (in my head) to go to NY to spend time with my parents right before my recent surgery. I simply missed them, and decided that since life is so short, and I was missing them lots after they had been here for the BarMitzvah in November, I was going to just take off. My mother told me at the time that she'd love to go around with me and do special things and spoil me. I thought that sounded just grand! Those of you who know the troubles we've had over the years understand that this was a *Big Deal* for me.
Then the option of the surgery arose, and I was suddenly all about fixing my leg, of course. The same date I had the initial appointment with Dr. Rath, his secretary called me straight away and gave me a surgery date for two weeks later. I said to myself that after the surgery, then I'd go visit them and get spoiled.

Well, yeah. I *did* go after the surgery, but... well, you know. Things are forever changed. Don't I know it. I wish I had gone before-- just postponed the surgery by a few weeks. Why didn't I think of doing that?

We usually trust that most things don't change.
Well, they DO. On a dime.
It happened to me one day, and then to my mom.
You need to do those plans you want to do, but are putting off.
You never know what is right around the corner.

I am in the weeds.
That is what we used to say when I was waiting tables, and things got hairy. When you had too many people and tables to serve, the food is late, or mistakes were made, and your timing gets thrown off, and an entire table of 10 is ready, menus in their hands, waiting to order. Then you go to the waiters station and enlist the help of anyone with their tables under control. The expression we used was "I'm in the weeds!".

That's where I am at the moment.
The leg is killing me. I am back on the damn crutches. As I said before, I don't know if the pain is normal (post surgical), and my Fentanyl patches are losing their effectiveness (narcotics do that after a while when the body gets used to that dosage), -or- I have been overdoing it (by casting off crutches too hastily) and I am hurting myself. Could bit a bit of both.

What I do know is that I have to reach out for helping hands again. I so wish I didn't have to. It is so hard. But I am not up to it. I no longer bounce back from surgeries.

My surgeon said to be patient, that the healing will take 3-6 months. at present, we are not quite at the three month mark yet. So, I am back on crutches, and I did waaayyy too much today. In and out of the car *7* times with all the taking and retrieving children, and an appointment of my own with my pain doctor in the middle. Right now, as I lie here in bed after this crazy day, my hip bones are throbbing, and my muscles around my thigh are shooting up a burning sensation which is making me want to get into a bath.
Getting into and out of cars remains to be some of the hardest maneuvers I am doing.

I went to the pool today for the first time in three months. Yay! The pool felt good, but all my stretches hurt. My range of motion is so limited, not even where it was before the surgery. I did some light stretches and modified exercises, swam slow laps, like 4 of them (I used to do 20). It hurt a lot. It was what began this day of magnified pain.

Since returning from the US two weeks ago, I haven't yet called my physical therapy to get started again. *That* is what I really need to be doing, but I can't yet concentrate enough to get it together.

See how I am 'in the weeds'?
Picking up my daughter from school, and my little one from gan would be an amazing help. There are people I can call for that, but I feel awful asking the same people who already helped so much post-surgery. I need someone to sleep over with me Sunday nights to help Monday morning with the children.

I need to rest more.
Going to the US, then having Passover (an incredible, but very strenuous and busy holiday) then today, the first day of school after vacation, with me doing all the stuff I did before the surgery (with a messed up hip)... It is not good for me.

I don't want to be the one who is always asking for help.



  1. We don't tire of hearing our dear children ask for our help....our Father our King never tires of our cries for help...we should all ask for His help more often.

  2. Sometimes you just need to ask for help. When you're feeling better, it's easy to overdo things. Hang in there and take some time for yourself.

  3. you must give yourself a few months after surgery to get back to yourself. boruch hashem you were able to be with your parents a little, but now you must take care of yourself, in order for you to take care of your family in the future. people really want to help. sometimes it's hard to ask, but you really need to. just a suggestion, maybe you can find a woman for a paid position, to come into your home daily, prepare lunch, dinner, washing dishes, laundry, receiving the children from school etc. at least for a little while. wishing you and your mom a complete healing and refua. . rochel.

  4. wishing you and your mom and your dad a complete healing and recovery.
    I remember when I was expecting in my ninth month, and going to the store was a huge marathon, the orange juice was a mile away from the vegetables, my little kids ran through the aisles, the checkout line was long, the bags were heavy and I had to pack and unpack them and go in and out of the house,... I had a complete breakdown of tears and exhaustion in front of my very capable friend, who gently comforted me and helped me... sometimes WE look so capable (and Sarah, on the outside, you certainly DO!), and other people just don't see our discomfort and needs and don't know to offer help. We don't look like fragile old ladies. It's important that we express ourselves when necessary, as you just did in your blog, without apology. Yasher Koach to you!

    xxxooo dev from NJ