Friday, September 7, 2012

"If you are going through hell, just keep going" -Winston Churchill

Today is better, thank Gd.
Yesterday handed me something so so so so awful. I haven't been that sick in a long time.
When I called my doctor about it, and told her I thought maybe I ate something moldy, she told me that it is 99z5 a virus. She said people had been streaming in her office one after another withe the same exact symptoms. No fever, violent vomiting, inability to keep anything down. She told me that the clinic has been running infusions all morning. She told me to try my best to drink a teeny bit every half hour. The rule is that if you don't urinate within 24 hours, you need an infusion. I was occasionally able to urinate, so thankfully I got to stay in my own bed.

I could not read. My eyes were making me nauseous, and I had to sit in the dark. I listened to a lot of podcasts, like Garrison Keillor ("Lake Wobegon"), "The Moth" stories, and many other interesting things, thanks to DB pointing out some cool apps to download!
I am becoming cool this way.

*But* Oh My Gd:
I went "cold turkey" off the Gabapentin. I was told to by my pain doctor (Dr. Z).
By the time late afternoon/early evening came around, I had no more of it in my system, and I was in so much AGONIZING pain, it was completely shocking. You know, when you take pain meds for long term, you can forget what they are actually covering.

I will never forget again.
I was literally screaming, yelling out to God, and crying the nerve pain was so horrific. Robert called Dr. Z; this is a doctor who answers his cell phone all the time. It is amazing. I know that when he answers the phone in the middle of a meeting with me, I a fine with that, for all the times he answers me in the middle of other's meetings with him. He is an angel that way.

He told Robert to give me Lyrica. Since the similar medicine was still acclimated in my body, taking a high-ish dose of Lyrica would be fine.

So I did.
And I waited.
And waited.
That time was filled with sudden screams of pain. I felt the mesh in my gut- the one holding everything together behind gapey. I felt every tack that is holding it on. I felt my entire thigh as if it were being ground up between gears, or a meat grinder. It was.... yeah, horrific.

Then the Lyrica kicked in. It took about an hour. But when I felt the pain dull slightly, I knew I was going to get through this. I took another Lyrica before going to seep, then another in the middle of the night (low dose pills).

Today I took two so far, and am about to take another.
This will probably not be my pain regimen permanently, but I don't know what my options are.

Remember, I went off the Lyrica because at the highest dose I could go, it wasn't enough. I had "breakthrough pain". It was a quality of life issue. I maxed out on Lyrica and still had pain. So, I don't know what Dr. Z may suggest, but I am just going to keep feeding myself low dose Lyrica pills (I only have the low dose ones left over) on a regular basis, and go to Dr. Z soon.

I drank and ate today, and my stomach is feeling ok so far. Please Gd that is the end of the virus, or moldy-noodle-poisoning, or whatever it was. But OMG- all my muscles hurt from the really violent throwing up.

May we all have a healthy, quiet, and loving Shabbat.
Signing off, from my bed in the attic, in a little town in a little country...
With a big heart.


  1. G*d bless you, Sarah. May He give you peace and comfort and pain relief! I hope that was truly the worst, and you are on the upswing. Hugs, Jackie

  2. Hopefully, you are past the worst of it. Like the man said, Just keep going. There is light and peace there for you.

  3. That sounds HORRIBLE! I am glad you are feeling better in more ways than one.

  4. it all sounds horrible - so sorry. hope you had the nice, quiet and pleasant Shabbat that you deserve. shavua mevorach.

  5. Oy! Wishing you a shavua yoter tov!!!

  6. Missed seeing you over Shabbat. And then with the siren at 2 am, I bet you didn't get any rest last night. Just hope you feel better today.

  7. wow, sounds insane. i hope you have a calmer week. xxoo

  8. I've heard that Elul is a time when Hashem is especially receptive to our prayers. I hope that your prayers and ours will be answered very soon.