Prof. Meller visit Spet 2012

I know I've been pretty incommunicado. It has just been... well... yeah, hard. Just so hard. But there has been lots of good, too... I've had lots of happiness with my kids, and more independence than ever before, with regards to babysitting help. I have had help, but not as frequently as I have wanted it. Our nanny is still abroad (hi MB!).

I've had a few good nights of only me in charge. Well, with a little help from Dov. Lots of driving to and from activities, school, stores for the beginning of school. And making dinners. Cleaning the kitchen (not always). And helping with homework. And directing traffic to showers, toothbrushes, settling quarrels, doing laundry. That last one remains one of the hardest things for me to keep on top of. Seems like someone is *always* desperately out of clothes.

But all that stuff? it HURTS so much! Dammit! I want to be out of pain. It is so Exhausting, you can't imagine.

I am exhausted *lots*. That is why I haven't been writing-- too busy, and wayyyyy too tired.
And too crazy going to doctors, trying to get medicines that work for this recently uncovered and raw nerve pain. Remember I had to go off the gabapentin because of kidney & stomach issues? Well, these days I'm either stoned on the wrong types of medicines, or in way too much pain with no medicine to cover it. Dr. Z experimented with another medicine for the past few days with me, but it didn't work for the pain, and it had the added effect of making me feel like I just cannot keep my eyelids open all day long.

I take Percocet when I have to, but it just drugs me up a bit, doesn't do much for nerve pain. It does help joint pain somewhat, though. That is getting more intense, too. Both hips. I am going to have to go up on the Fentanyl. I can barely walk 500 meters without my hips & thighs torturing me.

I saw Professor Meller's sidekick on Wednesday.
I am clearly in much more pain than I was at our last visit, 5 months ago.
The prognosis: possible PVNS in left hip (yes, it apparently can grow that fast), likely return of impingement. Surgery 8 months ago- success for 5 months, then steady decline, joint again coming out of socket. I have to be careful not to dislocate it.

Right hip- likely impingement. That is what the doctor said; I say it is for sure impingement- I can feel it exactly.

I need an MRI, and go back there in December to give it to them.
Options? More surgery for left thigh to try to fix things , fix the right side impingement.

Tomorrow morning Robert is going to Dr. Z to pick up the newest recommendation he has for my nerve pain. It is *crazy* living with this, I gotta tell you. Just so painful.

I need prescriptions, though. I need a new nerve pain med, ASAP. I need more Fentanyl, a higher dose. And still more blinkin' sleeping pills. Thankfully they aren't addictive at all- I either use a half or a whole, depending on how awake I feel. These past few days with the trial of a new med, with the side effect of barely being able to keep my eyes open, I didn't need a sleeping pill. By far. Couldn't wait to get into bed and sleep! I am not taking that one anymore. It doesn't work, anyway.

It hurts so much, unmedicated, that sometimes I just want to cry.

I need to fill prescriptions ASAP... I pray that this new recommendation for a pain med with work. I need it to work because I won't be in touch with my doctors for two weeks....

I am going to the US.

My mother is still in the hospital, and I just felt deeply that I have to be there.

I am going from the 19th to the 30th- 11 days. I will leave after having Rosh Hashana with my family here. I will be gone to NY for Yom Kippur, a few Shabbats, and then I come back the day of the eve of Succot.

I am scared of many things. I won't have a business class ticket this time. Last time I had it mainly because I was after surgery, still on crutches, and my father offered to pay.

Now I am not on crutches (thank Gd), and I'll just have to deal with coach class. I heard there is a possibility to do an in-flight upgrade. Once they already know that they are losing the seat, they sell it for a small profit instead of none. If that sort of thing becomes available, I'd do it.

So I will close here with a prayer for you all on this new year for the Jewish people...

May we always enrich each other's lives offering support, laughter, and love.

May Hashem bless us and keep us safe, and may the new year offer births of all sorts, for each and every one of us here in blog-land.

Thank you all for being here with me through this crazy journey!

Hey- take a look at my new garden and swing!

We've waited 11 + 1/2 years for a garden. It has been just dirt and weeds all this time!
Now, thank Gd, one of the most exciting projects we have done- we finally finished off the garden! I bought an amazing swing- it was *made just for me*. Light bounce, light swing with the wind, legs out straight, with a little curve at the knees. PERFECT. Blew me away at the store.

We still have a few things to do: stone cover the retaining wall and the back gray wall you see, put a bamboo separation around the gas tanks behind me, and finally after that is all done, plant more flowers and exotic plants. I am *so* happy. (I will miss it the 10 days I'll be gone!)