Monday, November 19, 2012

Again, living through a war.

There is a war in my back yard, as many of you know. We are OK here, but it's not easy wondering, each time we have an air-raid siren, when we go into our safe room, if the rocket will land near us, or someone we know, or what.

Today a rocket hit a house next door to my daughter's friend. She (Shifra's friend) called a few minutes after we all left our safe rooms to tell Shifra. Shocking. I could go on and on what this is all like, but suffice it to say that I am pretty talked-out, and it will have to come in pieces when I feel up to writing.

The wind outside just whipped around the house, and it has that winding up pitch sort of "whirrrrrrrr", and I thought a siren was starting up, Even when I was at my parent's house in October, whenever the fire station rang it's siren at the strike of noon, I got jumpy, and there hadn't even been an active war here at the time, like there is now. I cannot imagine what it would do to me these days. I never got used to it, even though I was there for 10 days. Each time it went off (many times a day, it seemed) my heart jumped. My parents thought Israel is damaging me. They didn't understand why the fire station siren, which I grew up with for more than 15 years, could effect me, or seem, through my eyes, as threatening. I got to really resent the disruption of that fire siren all day, every day.

That is called shell shocked, and that is what I am. I am pretty sure it's a condition that almost everyone here can relate to.

The kids are off from school indefinitely. They are getting their lessons over the internet; their teachers are sending them. Actually *doing them* is another thing altogether.

We decided to go away for this past Shabbat to Jerusalem, to get away from the war, and spend time with my cousins who we hadn't seen in a very long time. They invited us to come and "escape". Ironically, not 20 minutes passed when .. an air-raid siren sounded! First time in 21 years that Jerusalem had one, and here it was, my escape from it all, back immediately on high alert mode. Thankfully, there was "only" one, but for us, coming from the south of the country where we are getting barraged by rockets from Gaza, we were right back on high alert mode. If one siren happens, there could be more at any second, minute, hour.

Turns out that the rest of Shabbat was quiet, thankfully, and we had a nice time together with my cousins.

Just one more update before I go to bed:

You may or may not remember that in my last blog I wrote about swollen glands in my neck?
Well, they are still swollen. The situation hasn't gotten worse, or better, which is odd. I was supposed to see my doctor about it last Thursday, but there were literally too many rockets and air-raids to leave the house and drive around anywhere. Then we went away for Shabbat to Jerusalem where they bothered me the whole time. Hurts to turn my head, my right eye sometimes has sharp pain as well. The right gland is clearly more swollen than the left according to how it feels.

So, I am finally getting to the doctor tomorrow morning.I'll probably get put on broad-spectrum antibiotics, then have to come back for blood tests. Or, I guess doing blood tests make sense to do first. I'll let you know how that goes.

Because there just isn't enough on my plate.
I was hoping to get away with the children a bit for a few days up north, but that depends on what I have going on with me medically. Poor kids, home & bored, living through another war. And having a mom who can't put her all into taking them away from it all.

Robert still has work; so we can't go away as a family. I just wish I could 'wonder-woman' like, swoop in and rescue them from living in an air-raid zone.

Well. we'll see what happens at the doctor tomorrow. Maybe she will see exactly what the problem is and I'll get antibiotics and go off on my way. No telling how it could go.

I am going now to cuddle into bed with my kids, presently all huddled together in the safe room, with mattresses and quilts all over the floor. They love that part of the war; getting to sleep with mommy. It is too hard for me to get up and down three flights of steps from my bedroom to the basement safe room, so I sleep there on the apple-green futon which I had usually used for my pregnant couples who came to me for birthing support. It is too far of a stumble down the stairs with two bum hips, so I sleep in the safe room, and the kids take turns getting the coveted space next to me.

Good night from Be'er Sheva, approximately 21 miles from Gaza.

Hashem, please protect your people. Don't wait.


  1. I was thinking about you Sarah when I heard the news of what's happening. I wasn't sure where you lived, and I'm sorry to find out it's in the South where this is all happening. Please stay safe - and I would imagine if you were ever to return to Glen Head, over time, those silly Fire Station sirens would feel benign to you again. The news of this renewed violence is so disturbing to me - the rockets of the extremists in Gaza and the response of Israel. The large majority of people want peace but these awful extremists make it impossible I think.

    Love to you and your whole family.


    1. Thank you, Jeanne. Honestly I can not imagine a time that the fire station sirens will be background noise for me without staying there for many years. But my home is here, and I will not run away. I will leave to visit family, but never, except for unforeseen circumstances, leave this land. I will even send my sons to the army when they are drafted at 18 (coming up soon for my oldest). But, I know what you mean.
      Lots of love,

  2. stay safe! we are praying for all of you

  3. Hang in there. I know it's hard, but this too will end. I hope your doctor can figure out what the glands thing is all about.

  4. glad you are ok...we were going to go to the mall in Modiin yesterday when we had a run of 15 rockets all at once. Decided it was safer in my house than in my car.. So despite being more mobile than you haven't been out of the house really since Wed. We hear all the booms from Ashkelon to Tel Aviv so this is a noisy war-no safe room but go to a hallway with no windows.Wishing us all a quiet day.

  5. wanted to add that for the last 4 yrs. everytime our neighbors turn their blender or vacuum cleaner on both Hila and I jump-we are all becoming shell shocked.

  6. Sarah, as always, you write so beautifully and genuinely, we think about Beer Sheva all the time.

    Tzippi, there really should be a ban on lawnmowers and other loud motors that have a rising and falling whine, every time my daughter hears one she asks if it's time to go to the Mamad.

  7. Safe rooms are luxuries. Most people have to run to the stairwell. Some to miklatim. Neighbours who live in a home in the mishol across the road from me run to our stairwell. Others...

    1. Darlene, with all due respect, nothing here is about luxuries. I'd go so far as to use the word convenience. But luxury? No way.

  8. XXXOOO from Hurricsne ravaged Jersey
    Hashem is clearly talking ... loudly.

    We wish you and Klal Yisrael protection and security, both physical and spiritual.

    dev from NJ

    1. Thanks, Dev. Hashem is indeed talking. OK, I'm *listening*!!

      love & quiet

  9. May G*d protect you all and bring peace. And may you get peace from your doctor visit, something easy and quick to fix. Hugs to you, Sarah! I think about you all the time as I hear news reports.