Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Life can be so crazy, you know? War.

Put on my fleecy robe to counter the nip in the air.
Took sleeping pill.
Cried hard while trying to zone out on TV.
PTSD coming on like a spy lurking around each corner or my life.
Seven air-raid sirens today, more than 20 rockets hit Be'er Sheva, some near to my neighborhood.
making omelettes for lunch... siren. Whirring up and down so loud, my heart skips in the first millisecond it starts up..
Making salad for lunch- siren.
Then the task of getting eight kids out of the safe room; they were jumping on the futon where we sleep huddled together. (they chose here to play today- no school, remember?)
I want to cry with every conversation I have, no matter about what.

Saw my doctor today (my GP).
swollen glands, and she also discovered swollen lymph nodes on my neck & clavicle, and behind my knee. Everything is swollen and hard. Hurts to move my neck side-to-side, head up & down, swallowing is painful.
Well, how long have I been on the successful nerve pain medicine? About two weeks, together with the anti-nausea pill, right?
She says: "a rare but documented side effect can be swollen glands." RARE: My new signature.
This medicine takes away my nerve pain. We all rejoiced a few blogs back... sometime before the war.
It is only like the 28th medicine (exaggerating, but not by much) we have tried, and I thought We Got It!! Can I live with this side effect? Crap, I so hate that question.
Oh, and in the off chance that it actually some sort of virus (not bacterial with no fever), I'll do a blood test soon- could be Mono/CMV.

During my appointment with my doctor, we had to go down to the safe room for two sirens. Two air-raid sirens interrupting a doctor's appointment. Life.
Oh, those two sirens? I wasn't home, and coincidentally, Robert wasn't either. I immediately called home. They were fine, but they then told me that Ya'akov, my 12 year old, is out walking Emma (our dog). Heart beating faster and faster. I learned two minutes later when I called again that he ran home to get to the safe room.
Then he went out again so Emma could do her thing, and AGAIN an air-raid siren. Rockets landing who-knows-where. My little guy runs home again with the dog.

That very, very special boy went out a third time to let Emma get her stuff done. Not scared, he said. I will leave that report for you, with no judgement at all. It is what it is, and I love my kids so fiercely, each day my heart gets even wider, and then...even wider yet.

Oh, another thing from the doctor's appointment between the bombs?
I told her that Gapey has been hurting and acting up a lot these days. She examined me lying down, pressing all over the grafts. Turns out part of the mesh that is holding everything together behind there is a bit broken down... failed. Only one part, the part that hurts. The pins no longer hold that part in place.

That's it, no redo, no repairing that; at least, that is what my GP said. I'm not sure if I'll get another opinion, because I am not enamored of the idea of doing anything more to gapey.  It was such a painful surgery, the hernia/mesh surgery. It took a full year to heal from it, and that was with...... nerve pain medicine. But wow, gapey is really getting quite painful. I wish I could see where this is all going-- will I ever really be out of pain, since the day I had NF?

My GP suggested I talk with Dr. Z about getting shots of Lidocaine (like Novocaine numbing medicine) straight into Gapey for some relief from the pain and sensitivity. I'll talk to him, see where that goes.

MRI results: no evidence of the PVNS. Great!!!
Evidence of both hips impinged against their own ball and socket. Surgeries. Seeing that doctor (Dr. Rath in Ichilov) next week. Probably set up the next surgery for that. It is what it is. It sucks.

2:30am, sleeping pill not working. These days with the war I usually need two. I will write what is going on with my sleep because of the PTSD next time.

Today... guess what?
Even with this grim, painful report,
I took the kids myself to an alpaca farm- out of rocket range. We got away. I piled them into the car, and off we went. Robert still has to work during the war because the city where he works, Mitzpe Ramon, is not under fire. Thank Gd. They have a cute alpaca farm there in Mitzpe, so that was where we went.
We met Robert for dinner when he was finished teaching.
We had a GREAT time at the alpaca farm- young and old alike. The entry fee was just about free for Be'er Sheva residents. No school for the kids; lots of places are offering free activities to get out of the city. I did this myself- drove us (hour and a half each way), walked around this farm for an hour or so with them, read the booklet out loud so they learn about alpacas (odd, funny looking things!). Cracked lots of jokes, took lots of pics and movies- like these:
Shifra loved feeding them!

Funny looking guys, aren't they?

 The softest, most amazing fur I have *ever* touched. I want a sweater!!!
Ya'akov feeding Mr. Brown.
There ya go. The good, the bad, the imbalance, LIFE, as I see it.
Thank you!


  1. nice one Sarah- stay safe and find the pain-free, side-effects-free formula.

  2. I do hope this ends soon and you can get back to normal. Praying for your safety in the meantime.

  3. glad you were able to get away from the sirens even for a little bit and have a good time with your children. refua shlaima ! rochel.

  4. you are so amazing to go visit that alpaca farm. What a great escape, and going to dinner with Abba too. That's fantastic.

    Hang in there... Klal Yisroel is with all of you. I get so mad these days when I happen to turn on the radio and newscasters are saying that Israel should give peace a chance, and live side by side in "peace"; that these rockets are a result of 65 years of Palestinian oppression, it's not their fault they are so pent up with rage and have to express it. The world has such a short-term memory... Gush Katif anyone? All the efforts Israel goes through to avoid civilian casualties, and my friend and her children are huddling in their safe rooms in fear of indiscriminate rockets, meant for civilians. The double standard is screaming and no one hears it. Moshiach must be coming soon.... the world is really starting to become wacky.

    Anyway, I hope our President Obama continues to "be a friend" of Israel... we don't trust him one bit. With the American people's security either.

    Lots of love to you in the holy land. May Hashem keep you and your beautiful family and doggie safe.

    XXXOOO Dev in NJ